This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

asdff, I have probably said those rude words and more.
I have pondered a swim today but, I'm shy. Hahaha.

Airies, I have done 2 workouts today. I am pondering yoga for a third. I have been reading a lot of Buddha quotes and you know, it's helping my mind find some logic and calm!!!

Quirky, my gym has people in it of all shapes and sizes and we all support each other. There is no body shame. If there is I've not seen it. I would kick off if I did.

[quirkywords]

Velvet it sounds like a good gym.
my trouble is I do 30 mins one day and then feel so tired and then nothing for 2days besides walking and talking.

[asdff]

It’s called VacSwim Quirky. Through our State’s Education Department. We pay to use the pool, pay directly to the school. We pay to the Ed Department too. It is cheaper than weekly lessons though. We used to do those.

Airies and all, no we do not do things by halves. Like you Quirky, all or nothing. My Mother said of my teen years; you either loved me or hated me. I’ve often thought about some of the warning signs for BP. I guess at least I know them, to look out for if my kids get this dreaded illness.

[asdff]

Quirky, you’ve got to start small with the gym. Add a little bit more weight each time. Stay a minute longer. Walk a tiny bit more. I’m not saying go and run 10km on the treadmill. Ease into it. Not even running. Guaranteed you will make a friend or two at the gym. It’s great fun. You could look for one where there are classes. Or get a few free sessions to see if you like it. Most gyms will let you try out for a few days or even a week.

[Airies]

Quirky, Asdff captures it so well . Small junks. You’d be amazed at the difference it makes.And a friend along the way. The aerobic classes, skinny people are long gone. Velvet I gotta look at some of those Buddha quotes. It’s finally warming up here on the SE coast. Not much planned. Same , Same. Asdff I used to be the kid, teenager cooking by the side of the pool during school swimming carnivals. Until recently we lived in a coastal town and it’s been years since I went for a dip

[asdff]

I pet my sh)t with the family. Two weeks of swimming done. School lists and fees done. Supporting husband while he studies done. Getting supplies for a small trip away, not done. Boy and husband haircuts not done. My minimal paid work done. Stinking hot day yesterday done. Most of the stuff has been done by me. The haircuts husband meant to organise, I come home. Everyone is sitting around no dishes done. Their clothes not put away, their school supplies not put away. Etc etc you get the drift. I yelled. That’s the only way for them to move. Yes, I tried nicely a few times. Yes, my period is probably due. However, I have to reasonably smart children and one super smart husband can’t they use their initiative? Apparently not. Yes, BP makes most things come out as anger and boy I can yell but I don’t reach this point until I’ve had enough. Add in a day trip to see family that I would rather not do. That is Monday.

[quirkywords]

Aries asdff

I am not or never will be a gym person. As soon there is expectation on the me to go to a gym, attend meetings it is too much andI make excuses then stop going.

[velvetfaerie]

Asdff I would have yelled too.

Initiative? So many people don't have it. They sit back and wait for the faeries to do it. See what I did there?

Man thing has learnt how to research and help himself because I refused to for the best part of a day. I still stepped in to help rationalise how to go about something taking into account legal agreement and the law.

Hehe.

[asdff]

Good on you Velvet. Maybe I need to do that. Sorry, Mum/Wife is on strike. I also wish it would rain, it’s humid!

Fair enough Quirky. Gyms aren’t for everyone.

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

it is good you help man thing by letting him research and then guiding him.
You would make a good teacher.