This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Velvet, sounds like you are being used and abused.Maybe asking for a reference might be the wake up call they need. Have you been there long? It’s a hard call leaving in these uncertain times but no harm in asking for a reference.
Smells, love the smell after rain. Smell of the ocean. Petrol is another. I’m very sensitive to smells, light, wind as in outside wind as in the weather haha. Oh I love the smell of my wife’s pjs on my face.. her fragrance has a calming effect. Must be the pheromone thingy.

Now i won’t go,into the things I don’t like the smell of.

[quirkywords]

Aries I read that researches found that the top 2 fragrances men liked were lavender and the smell of pumpkin cooking or baking. this was about tne years ago but interesting. i thought it would save a lot in perfume!!

I always think saying you smell can be good and bad as it has 2 meanings.

[velvetfaerie]

I will be having the person behind this, who contributed ZERO, dragged in front of the relevant people at work. VC, ethics committee, academic management. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. He has no ethics or morals the fat pig.

I am fuming.
Plus man's ex is demanding money. Not bad given she pockets over 100k a year and cries broke.

[quirkywords]

velvet

we are right behind you. People like that do what they do as they think they will get away with it. Let us know how it goes.

Self entitled greedy people make me fume too.

[velvetfaerie]

I have printed out 50 pages already of doccuments supporting my claim. And I will keep going.

I have had it with this place.

As for man thing - signing legal doccuments without reading it and researching independant advice - IDIOT ! He only has himself to blame !

[velvetfaerie]

To say I am gutted is an understatement. A place which promotes ethics and morality, has it all laid out on policies and procedures, it is rotten to the core. Looks good on paper, but the reality is it is smoke and mirrors to avoid accountability for unethical and immoral acts. I have watched for 13 years people try to take down the ringleader for this kind of stuff only for nothing to stick !

This is why so many staff leave, and why many are on medication.

I hate this place. I have asked my boss who is on maternity leave for a reference. She is going to pack herself.

[asdff]

Airies, My Mum has worn some of my clothes if she stays over and needs a t-shirt etc. I can smell her perfume on them. It is amazing. Instant calming effect.

Velvet, maybe the media needs to be alerted to this practices. Whistleblow and take the place down. My brain is not functioning properly at the moment. I thinked I cooked it at swimming lessons. It's hot, I'm tired.

[quirkywords]

Your place sounds like it needs a 4 corners report to expose what is happening.

It is so wrong that such a place that could do do much good is rotten to the core.

I just you have support and your health is not affected too much.

Does man thing trust his ex or did not he have time to read documents properly.?

[velvetfaerie]

I used to joke about a royal commission.

I am very depressed today. No matter what there are always people there to use you, take from you, push you down. They suck.

Oh no way he doesn't trust her. She knows his initiative ability is zero and took well advantage. She got the house, a chunk of super, a massive amount of child support, he pays for the private education of the youngest one, all sundries, all private health and out of pocket expenses for medical. Basically she gets 2 grand a month for her bloody finger nails and hair bleach !

V.

[Airies]

Velvet, sounds like a crappy workplace. Can relate. All those KPIS and SDOs, Mission Statemement and so on , sounds so good but if only they practice what they preach. Gather your evidence and stuff them. Your copping in from everywhere . I’d give you a hug if you were here.

Asdff are you having swimming lessons? I did a number of years ago . Part of rehab after my hip op. I haven’t been back.. bit lazy .it’s a great excercise. I brought flippers and a mask with the central snorkel thing and I still had people flying by. Swimming was so so tiring. I should try and do some