This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Velvet, the paranoid thing, I know is part of schizophrenia. After a little Googling, yes during mania you will get paranoid. Ooo look out, I’m getting to know more mental health disorders.

I know when I am being a pain in the butt, cranky, angry, overbearing. I can’t do anything about it. I’ve learnt through therapy and trial and error. To remove myself from the situation if possible. Like go to my bedroom. Write in my journal, ring a loved one.

As for lollies, they are part of diet. Ha ha.

[velvetfaerie]

Can paranoid also be anxiety? Paranoia is anxiety on roids?

I learnt today that when dad has his MH issues and stopped working over 25 years ago.... He had burn out. Around the same age I am now.

I really want to go to yoga but I am so tired I have a dizzy sickening headache. I will probably faint in downward dog. What a sight that would be!!!

Alas the lollies are comforting. Haven't been able to have many due to the nausea. Small wins lol!!!!

[asdff]

I’m no expert but to me and I am sure others feel it differently. Anxiety is feel sick, sometimes to the point of vomiting. Not wanting to eat, a feeling of dread and doom. I anxiety about money. So I feel the need to control it. The wanting to control things is anxiety.

Neurotic behaviour. I haven’t experienced much. Only when my kids got nits. Oh my goodness that was a sh$tty 6 months. I had to wash and rewash bedding, towels, couch cushions. Then treat their hair and mine constantly. I ended up getting a professional in and paying $250 for them to treat our hair. They don’t like testosterone, so my husband was fine.

Paranoid behaviour, I’ve not had. I know of someone that thinks bugs are crawling out of her hair. Then she rips strands of her hair out. It’s my step sister. The druggie.

[velvetfaerie]

Well then I must have paranoid mixed up. I sure as hell am not a druggie.

[velvetfaerie]

Whoa. I lost most of my reply there.

Oh well.

Conditions present differently in different folks. Reading the definition of paranoia.... It's not unique to druggies. And it has aspects of anxiety.

As for nits. Sounds pretty ordinary. I remember having them once as an adult and I used a product available to me via my career. Off the label use. Worked a treat ahaha.

[velvetfaerie]

Holy moly asdff.
I made no sense with my comment. Please disregard.
I proved I didn't read properly Bahahahahahahaa.

Oh dear.

[asdff]

Oh now I’m apologising sorry I was thinking you were into drugs Velvet. I need explain the paranoia better. Step Sister has schizophrenia. Now I’m not sure if her drug use has exacerbated her condition or if she was always going to get it?

Now this is a generalisation and I don’t want to offend others but sometimes I think drug and alcohol abusers. Drink and engage in drugs to forget about their problems. Your problems are still going to be there in the morning. If you go on a bender sometimes you will make it worse. I’ve got alcoholics in my family. One being my mother. She has been sober since I was pre schooler. My uncle, still drinks and drugs at nearly 60. Has done his whole life.

[asdff]

See what missing a word does? Geez. I should have written. I was NOT thinking you were on drugs Velvet.

I know of another guy who was having paranoid delusions. He is the brother of a friend. Now, I cannot remember if he got a diagnosis but I do know he got help. I did not ask what the delusions were. i am guessing things like thinking you are being filmed and watched in the house. It could be related to terrorist plots; thinking they are all coming to get us. Etc etc. What other ones can you lot think of without going Into your experiences?

[velvetfaerie]

Well I have a past with drugs yea. Not proud. But won't deny it either. These days no. I like my career and being sprung with these activities means I lose the career, not just the job.
And your words are spot on. Drinking and drugs are a bandaid. The next day you're broke and hungover with the same issues. Solves nothing. Can also make things way worse mentally. Ok. It almost always makes things worse.
Ah yes yes. I understand now. Would be a horrible feeling being in that head space.
I kind of had an imaginary friend. A ghost. For a long time. Then one day it stopped. Was super weird.
Not scary but comforting.

My tired brain is a little slow today hehehe. *face palm*

[Airies]

I get the angries as well. Mostly up these days thanks to meds, therapy and the passages of time.Drugs or alcohol no. I’d be scared to knowing that if so I’d be full on as I am with most things. I know when having ect l loved going under. An adjustment to taking one of my meds earlier has the flow on effect of awakening, excercising and being more alert the following day. A win win in that regard. Finding excercise and meditation working. Trying to be good