This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

General anesthesia is much fun.
Enjoy that alertness.
Meditation. I need to try this again. I really find it hard to stick to things I have no interest in.

Coffee time.

[asdff]

I dislike anaesthetic, it’s probably the loss of control. I liked the anaesthetic after having my wisdom teeth out. I was high as a kite. They had to ask me to stop talking. I still laugh at that to this day. That’s my natural state; a chatterbox. After another operation, a general was given. They needed to give me an anxiety med as I was freaking out. Twilight sedation I am good with.

I am all over the shop today. Jumping around from one thing to another. It’s frustrating. One great thing that happened. School Mum messaged me about Primary School Graduation, I was honest said I’ve not done anything and I think my Mental Health will take a beating if I organise it all. My husband was very proud of my honesty. He was one of the three people that said no, you shouldn’t be taking that on. I was taking it on, as the other main organiser lady works full time. However, there is a reason I don’t work and do the Mum thing. I have bipolar. Stress to me, is like oil and water. They don’t mix.

[quirkywords]

Vellvet

that reminds me did anyone have an imaginary friend or life.

i used to be the director of an orphanage and I was the kind manager and I could speak many languages. My real life was sad and lonely but as director of the most amazing orphange i was popular.

[velvetfaerie]

The pre med sedative and the twilight sedation is the same drug.... just different dose. ;)
When I'm in for whatever malady for a knock out - the fact I know the absolute ins and outs of GA and so forth- we always joke around.

Saying no is a good thing. I am doing in more and more these days and people don't like it. Too bad. Knowing ones own limits is a very healthy thing. Also, not being taken advantage of is very healthy!

I absolutely could not be a parent and work. Working and having a home to look after with no full time kids is enough to push me very close to the edge.

I've been out all day and I am tired as.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

i used to work 7 days a week and now I find 2 days volunteering tiring.

once I was working part time, studying part time, looking after 3 children keeping house etc, now I have no idea how I juggled all that but I think I dropped a few balls.

[velvetfaerie]

That sounds like so much Quirky. I think in those circumstances ..... dropping a ball or 2 is inevitable.

I am watching old episodes if sesame street and the muppets. Nostalgic.

[quirkywords]

I loved Oscar the grouch and could relate to him.

[asdff]

My family used to call me Oscar the Grouch. I hated it. Now they’ve all become Oscar like, yet I don’t use that nickname.

[asdff]

Velvet, exactly my reason for not working and doing Mum things. Geez Louise, some of the stuff that has ticked me off today. Book Week costumes, I love reading. I hate getting all the bits and pieces together for costumes. This one is a common theme for me. Money. It’s that time in the pay cycle where I freak out about money. One child has school camp. I’ve been paying what I thought was the whole amount. I thought we would be in credit. Nope we still owe money. Last term they had dance, Scitech and Swimming Lessons to pay for. On Wednesday same child is off to orthodontist. I am going to faint when it comes to paying the full amount. It won’t be till March I think. So with all these going on it my head, my brain says you need a job. I think you need a job to pay for these things. In the past I would go for interviews. I was counting on Hubby getting that other job. We all know how that panned out. Of course I can’t say that to him. He still has a very busy and stressful job.

[quirkywords]

Asdff you have a 24/7 job but you don’t get paid.
You would need about 4 people to replace all you do.

I called myself Oscar as even though he was a rascal he was honest and had a heart of gold.