This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Yep too busy ticking their own kpis and sdos collecting bonuses at other expense. I was never like that. Running into so many directions probably why I burnt out. Quirky the wind gives me the shits. I hate it, being ultra vigilant I can be hypersensitive at times.When I used to run ( the different me) I'd love running into the wind and be blown back.

Im tired, really tired the other day I fell into my raised veggie bed, I used the ladder but had it horizontal. Anyway graized legs, scratched nose it's so fun getting old not. Serves me right taking shortcuts. Tomorows Father's Day I've changed my mind umpteen times as to what we'll eat. Enjoy the day

cheers

[velvetfaerie]

You guys get it. I am just sick of everyone drinking from my cup but never refilling it. Work. Friends. Man thing!!! For once I would love someone to be thoughtful and considerate and do something nice for me. Urgh.

I am always ultra vigilant and hyper sensitive... probably part of the reason I'm at burn out stage now. Doctor said it yesterday.

Oh no Airies..... hope the vege wounds aren't too bad!!! Getting old sucks !!!!

[Airies]

Thought it was rather apt that I fell in and got up. One day will fall in and that will be it. Had a good chat with the better half re seeing my psych. She said at least I can see the signs. Spent the morning starting off heirloom tomato seeds. A lot of farting around. All I need is 4 plants to take. Otherwise another trip to Bunnings.

Velvet I hope you have a decent break,indulge in whatever takes your fancy and be kind to yourself as well. cheers

[quirkywords]

Aries

not only di hit my head on something I manage to do it twice!!

What about revenge of the tomatoes??

[Airies]

Quirky, lm sure they will, once they pop their heads up. Days are getting longer. Spring is in the air. I will struggle wearing a mask in the heat. Anyway could be far worse.can see a food coma coming tomorrow

[quirkywords]

Happy Father’s Day for tomorrow to all the dads reading aNd all those who have dads and all those who are missing their dads,

[asdff]

Happy Fathers Day Peeps. If your Dad is a s5it it could your bipolar talking. I had a very strained relationship with mine. Now I have moments where I don’t hate him. I am still very grateful I don’t live in the same state as him. I don’t get as cranky as I used to when talking to him on the phone. He has had therapy and I know I’ve spent countless hours working on myself.

Velvet, it makes me sad hearing about your workplace. I guess they just want all the good people to leave? As for big boss bonuses. Read up on Australia Post, what a joke. They wanted volunteers to sort the parcels, yet the big boss wanted her million dollar bonus. hmmm how about you employ some temporary staff with some of that bonus?

[quirkywords]

My dad and I argued all the time as we were very much alike.

Now over a decade since he died I wish I had been nicer to him.

[velvetfaerie]

Greed is destroying the planet and people's lives.

Happy dad's day to all who have spawned.

I'm being lazy. Body needs it.

V

[asdff]

I feel like my eyes feel are popping out of my head. I’ve done so much today and we still have to back it up with a Father’s Day dinner with the in laws. As I was racing from place to place, I was thinking I have a super power. Hypomania but now I’m exhausted. I got to lunch and flopped down at the table. I can hardly talk when I’ve done too much. As I was shower after kids sport, I was thinking of what my psych says “so what did you do before the crash into depression?”. Umm, ran around like a headless chook. You would think I could learn that leads to a crash. I’m not there yet. At least I sort of caught myself, well I was aware of what I was doing. I might be able to fob off talk about a small trip within our state over the Christmas holidays.