This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

asdff

when my children were your age I would do so much now I look back I wonder why I am so tried!!

The trouble with doing too much we only know when we have done too much and its too late not before. How annoying.

[velvetfaerie]

I realised this weekend that the more you do, the more you push yourself... the more people take and expect it. You don't get a thank you. You're not appreciated. You crash.

The next 4 days I am not pushing myself and I will absolutely not go above and beyond. If it doesn't get done so be it. I don't care.

I had a nice lazy weekend even though I had a nauseating headache all weekend. Was nice just chilling on the couch with the man and his spawn.

The kid has anxiety. She is taking strong herbal stuff for it. Stuff I use.

V

[quirkywords]

Velvet

if the more youdo the more people e left you are with the wrong people.

there are people who appreciate and say thanks.

[velvetfaerie]

Thankful and kind people are few and far between these days.

It is dog eat dog out there.

I want to eat cake though.

[Airies]

Rang my psych. She will do face to face which I’m wrapped about. Can’t stop eating. 3 serves for dinner what a pig.. finally made it on the bike. Takes me forever to get ready and then it’s will I or won’t I, Once upon a time it was so easy.Asdff good on you for seeing your triggers . Will be ages before we can travel down south. We shall see.Tomorrow's another day

cheers

[quirkywords]

Airies

I hope your pysch appointment goes well.
Dont.eat dog , eat cake good advice Velvet

[Airies]

Quirky, it’s a week or so away yet but it’s ok.Velvet Mrs Airies made some lovely cupcakes for Father’s Day. Yum yum

[asdff]

Airies, glad you are getting a face to face appointment. It’s much nicer in my opinion. There is no delay, like in the video sessions. Phone, you can’t read psych’s expressions.

When you are hypomanic or manic, does it feel like things are in fast forward? Like your thoughts are spinning, like a mouse on a wheel? It does for me. Rushing, from one thought to the next. It’s hard work.

Velvet, you are right about the doing more and people expect it. I’ve seen it in my husband. He works his bottom off. Always goes above and beyond for work people. Like you, he needs a break. I heard his phone ping yesterday morning, I could see a message flash up. Someone calling in sick. He told me another one called in sick yesterday. I think husband needs a sick day or a mental health week. He never takes sick days. I wish he would. Take it easy folks.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

For me everyone is like in slow motion when I am speeding , but dont feel high or fast, I get irritated that people speak so slow that they only have one idea at a time not the zillion in my head. Everything other people do would make me be impatient.

If he is the boss asdff must be hard to take a day off.

[Airies]

I liken it as if my thought pattern is like a magnifying glass ultrafocusing on what I see. As it moves along I forget or am distracted and then it’s moving along. Irritated with people, sounds, lights.
Constantly rushing internally but rarely externally. I busted my balls in my old job at my expense .. It’s taken me years to except not working, accepting not being NQR... it’s a struggle getting excited about too much. It’s great to chat here as we get one another. Lots of people don’t. It’s ok though