This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Fake it til you make it is a favourite of mine too.

Seems to work for my colleagues as well AHHAHA.

I need a steak. After 3 weeks of stress induced gyno bleeding and flogging myself at the gym - I am rather stuffed.

Whiskey too.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone, what busy chat you had yesterday.

Loula,

Rant away. I am sorry your dad behaves like that when visiting. My children are in their 30s if I rang them up to check on them they would think I was off me medication!

An alcoholic who acts like a 3 year old, that would be a nightmare!

Can your dad stay somewhere else or not stay so long. I don't like to see you stressedand you should not have to put up with bad behaviour. I like Tams idea about making the visit easier and I think shorter.

Please look after yourself while manic, I know it feels great but you know it does not last .

Tams,

It is funny how we think that people don't care but they do. I don't think it matters how old you are we all want attention.

I seem to know a lot about my adult childrens lives but they are not that interested in mine.

Fake it til you make it, not sure about that I am more What you see is what you get!!

I think a business run by people with bipolar word work as long as we were all on different cycles, because if everyone was manic or depressed it maybe chaotic!!

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

Steak and whiskey, I like how you recognise your needs.

How is your man thing going and your work?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Work and man thing are good. As a general rule.

Work - nicely busy doing scientific things.

Man thing - got the list of demands from his ex through the lawyers. She and her lawyer are on crack. I swear it. She won't be happy until he is broke and dead. If this gets to court, which it likely will, because she is unrealistic and greedy, hopefully the judge makes a fair ruling. I went off my chops on Friday when he told me what she wants as settlement. Not to mention the out and out lies about the daughter he gets to see, with ZERO professional back up proof. Using that child STILL to manipulate man thing. I was way more upset than he was. his words: "I completely expected this. No matter. We will go to court".

This is incredibly upsetting for me to watch and have no input. But I can support. Not my rodeo, which really isnt a bad thing.

Added to this I hate when people make judgements on my choices to not have kids or get married. People say hurtful thoughtless stuff. One just did earlier. I like her which made it hurt more. I had to tell her I found it offensive. Been very upset since. I feel like no one ever wanted me, and no one ever will. Thanks colleague 😞

But yes steak and whiskey. Probably just steak.

V.

I got more upset than he did.

[velvetfaerie]

I got more upset than man thing did about the exes demands.

LOL that made no sense how i posted that.

V.

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

How dare someone past judgment on your life, that annoys me

Why people who know nothing about you decide to make a judgment.

I had a friend who did not tell people who didn't know her that she was having child number 5 as people would say to her, Don't you have enough, don't you have Tv. She ended up having 8.

I think you man thing, is very patient because he knows what to expect.

Look after yourself V, I think you are a legend.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I occasionally regret my choices. Then i watch what man thing is going through, and what many of my other friends have gone through, and am happy it isn't me. But because I care and have great empathy I am feeling it every bit as he must be. But yes, he is very patient. I think he has faith that things will work out. All he wants to do is move on with his life and to have a relationship with his kids. Not a huge ask.

Thank you. I don't think I am a legend though. I have been having esteem issues lately.

I can't wait to get away from work today. I just feel caged.

V.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

I think it is sad when children are caught in the middle of parents arguing.

It is good when two parents no longer together can work together for the sake of the children. it can be done, it takes hard work and time.

Do you think people with a mental illness have more empathy than other people because we know what it is like to struggle.?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I think your empathy point is true. I’ve been watching a series about prisoners and greyhound rehabilitation and I’ve been sobbing my ass off!!! Hahaha. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My steak was delicious.

[Loula]

Nope Dad can’t stay any where else. No one will have him! Hahah!!! I spoke to him today and he’s like are you sure your fine with me coming down and I said you will have to behave and I’m very sick and I would like to know what day your arriving as it helps me. He then goes your my daughter I know you I’ll just give you a hug stop stressing I’ll be there when I’m there I understand your illness. I’m like I think you should talk to my hubby or mum and he’s like still no I know you! um we go for years with out seeing each other!!! You where there zero through my childhood you know nothing!

Work was horrible. I feel so alone. I sat in the team room alone at lunch while everyone chatted and I felt so dead inside. Not one person spoke to me. I’m invisible.