This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

I love lavender.... and I have it in my garden too. No idea why I stopped using it. I’m going to start again immediately.

Some people are clueless Loula. I like you. I think we’d have a blast working together.

v.

[quirkywords]

What about a business run by people with bipolar?

would that be fun, supportive or chaos?

i agree with V, some people are clueless. when people are rude to me I think and I am the one with the MI label yet I would never treat people like that.

Quitky

[Loula]

Laying in my bed having a huge panic attack!!!!! Can’t get my air!!! Cant see straight!!!! My dad has decided to visit me!!!!!!

I’m already feeling like I’m in a washing machine now I’m going to be in I don’t know a mega spinning machine that’s on super speed!!!!!

Everyone is trying to tell me it’s going to be ok and I’m going to do good. Just use my techniques I learnt in counseling sessions. My reply is 1. I’m not well at the moment and 2. It’s like taking on techniques against a brown bear!!!!! Im going down!!

Im screaming at my husband he needs to stand up and he’s like no you just plan ahead things to do it will be fine!!! I’m like I’m planing zero and your doing all the cooking. My father literally spits out everything I cook and screams for macas. He just complains and throws temper tantrums. So I’m going to do nothing. But now I’m fighting with my husband because he can’t support me and plus we are already fighting!

So for rant but I think I 100% am going to break. Break fast!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

No getting enough sleep is definitely a problem for me, much more prone to an attack of the sads when I’m tired... ‘tired and emotional’, as they say. Mondays are bad for me at the moment because of working interstate - the combination of an early morning flight, a long day and a quiet hotel room... exhaustion and too much time for me to contemplate those niggling negative thoughts...

I always feel abandoned and forgotten when I’m away for work, like nobody cares where I am and what I’m doing. Which is nonsense, because obviously my husband and kids care, and my parents are always checking in on me (Mum likes to make sure I’m safely tucked up in my hotel room and not out partying 😂). I have this urge to message people to strike up a conversation... just so I can feel like I’m still here. I usually do it too, although I’m resisting the urge today. I have no idea where this comes from, it’s like I can’t stand the thought that nobody is thinking of me. I mean, as if they don’t have more important things to think about than me! 42 years old and still thinking like an attention-seeking child.

Quirky I think a business run by people with bipolar would be an exciting place to work! Perhaps not always for the right reasons though 😂. It could be loads of fun though - where do I sign up??

Loula how bright do you do your hair? What colours? And I can’t believe someone asked if you were pregnant - how can people not realise that you’re never supposed to ask that question! You just can’t.

Tams

[Tams20]

Loula,

I’m sorry your dad behaves like that and that I upsets you so much. Also sorry that your husband isn’t helping as much as you’d like... does he struggle to deal with your dad too? I’m sure he will support you.

Can you do something to make the visit easier - go out for dinner somewhere? Get takeaway? Not saying Maccas, although if it prevents a temper tantrum from your dad....?

Tams

[Loula]

For some reason Velvetfaerie I think we would work really well together. Don’t know why but I just know it would be fun and productive and fun.

That be interesting a business run by people with bipolar. I say it could be good as long as people know there are there to do a job and don’t think they are hired due to an illness and slack off and as we all know everyone is so different with their bipolar so we would have all different types of people.

OMG Tams I’m screaming out loud to the fact your mum calls to check you tucked in bed!!!!! My mum still calls to see if I brushed my teeth!!! Is this a Mum thing once a Mum always a Mum?

It’s so crazy how important sleep is. When I wasn’t medicated I still took stuff to help me sleep as I knew with out it oh man it would be scary.

Thats not good you feel like no one cares when your away. I’m glad you know that’s not the truth. Hopefully you can rewire the brain on that. I personally think there is nothing wrong or attention seeking starting up conversations when your alone. I think that’s normal as every other day you have your husband kids family and friends in your life and then boom nothing. Don’t feel bad for that. I would do the same to. I get lonely and board very quickly.

[Loula]

Seriously it’s like having a 3 year old in my house but who’s an alcoholic!!! And I tell my father non stop I need structure he can’t spring it on me he’s visiting, I need times and do I get that? Nope! And when I ask it he plays the guilt game of don’t you want me to visit and then back to the drawing board of again why I need structure and what bipolar is.

My husband dosent struggle with my dad he just has never seen anything like my family. I got a rough family he’s got a sweet family. But it’s been long enough now he should be use to it. My husband sadly dosent like upsetting anyone and will just go quiet. Regardless the point I’m getting sick. He also can’t just stand up and make decisions so I have to do them all even regarding a holiday with his family. He just stands there dumb going where shall we go next. He will support me by saying you can do this and your strong and I love you which is kind of I know I’m being mean but useless.

But I’ve decided if my dad wants to be a brat and my husband gutless I’m not going to try and sort things out I’m just going to get drunk and yell and scare the crap out of them to know husband support me better and Dad I’m sick. Because regardless I’m going down hill this weekend I may as well go out with a bang. Let my high feelings have some freedom.

[Loula]

Wow I’m full blown manic at work! That came on fast! I think I want to dance. I’m rhyming everything. It’s so much fun and saying slogan. What’s your favourite slogan. I’m screaming out make America great again and kevein 07! Hehe

[Tams20]

I like ‘fake it ‘til you make it’... I’ve built an entire career on that premise - haven’t made it yet! 😆

[Loula]

I love it and also live by it!!! Do you say it with sass? I do. I’m like Beyoncé.