This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone and waves to all those reading,

Tams, that is interesting about your friend having 2 bipolar friends. I did not meet anyone in real life who had bipolar until I was in my late 40s, but that was only an acquaintance and not a friend.

of course I may have met people with bipolar but I did not know .

Loula, It is hard when everyone seems to be having fun and you feel so lonely. I can be talkative at times and people think I am confident in social situation but some times I feel like I don’t fit in.

I think you will find similar people one day. Do you relate to your husband’s friends.

So has your dad visited you before? What is your main worry about the visit?

Does your doctor know how you are feeling?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Here is the best. 😄

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

not sure what 😄 means

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

A very happy smiley face on his side.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

i was up early this morning and was privileged to see an amazing crimson clouds that had been beaten to a fluff and then spread across the sky. Wonderful. Anyone else see something amazing today. I am not a morning person was it was a great reward.

How is everyone?

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Quirky (and everyone else),

I'm not great today, feeling pretty low. Triggered by something stupid, now full of all sorts of unhelpful thoughts that are preventing me from pulling myself out of it. Tired of being sensitive to my friends' feelings and moods and checking up on them when they're struggling and rarely having the favour returned. I read something the other day that said that your friends won't know they're being bad friends by not showing up for you when you need them unless you let them know. What does everyone think about this? I'm not exactly comfortable with the thought of having that conversation with them, in case they aren't 'showing up' for me because they don't want to... I don't find it a burden when my friends need my support, but I'm not sure others feel the same way.

And, to make my day worse, I have an interview this afternoon with the Client of a project that we are trying to win, they want to speak to me about the role I've been nominated for. Great timing, I'll have to act normal and pretend to be confident when I'm actually feeling like an unstable wreck.

No wonderful sunrises for me today unfortunately.

Tams

[Loula]

Hi Qurikywords.

My husband and I have the same friends. A small group that’s in other states and over seas. We have work mates but nothing we would give a kidney to. Lots of people think I’m confident and light of the party as I come of loud. Hello i am confident. Plus I got bipolar lol. But in life I’ve never felt like I fit in. Man it was a horrible night.

All next day they where asking why I left early blah blah blah and I was like how do you feel and they are like hung over and that’s why that’s why I left lol! I’ve actually withdrawn away from people at work.

Im normally very friendly ask everyone how there day was wish them a lovely weekend. All that what I call human stuff and they can’t even do it in reply so I’m not doing it any more. It’s not part of my paid job. I just like to make people feel cared for but stuff them all. Also I just found out I’m losing two favourite team members who where blunt and cynical at work this Monday. There job was made redundant. I’m fuming with anger and close to crying. They where just normal people who where not stuck up and had a great sense of humour. We all loved hanging out as we treated each other as equals.

Tams. I had issues with BF that where 100% about them self and when them self was good who cared about me. I use to get mad but it’s right why are we getting mad do they know we are mad or do they know they are sucking. So I mentioned it to a friend which resolved good. You know your mates so just take it on a good way. If they get defensive as people do when they hear they have a flaw give them a few days to breath and call and say 1. Our friendship is everything and 2. This is HOW I FEEL! 3. Let’s work on this to strengthen our relationship. If they are a good friend they will. If not less stress and an extra slice of cake at your birthday.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Tams , sorry about how your friends but I can really relate and it feels unfair that we are there for others but they do not reciprocate.

hope your interview went ok and tomorrow is a better day.

Loula,

Thanks for your advice regarding friends . Sometimes people just think about themselves no matter how honest you are to them. just don’t get it.

Quirky

[Loula]

Black cloud is coming in fast!!! Very fast!!! Can’t stop shopping but nothing. Now at work in a room with a lot of dangerous tools and they are talking to me. I’m tiered. Another 4 more hours of fighting.

[quirkywords]

Hello all.

loula,

i hope you got through your four hours of work.

It must be so hard for you to see the black cloud coming.

How do you plan to handle when your moods change.

Quirky