This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Lola,

What a fascinating post from house rules, to relationship advice, to snorkeling on a tropical island to dieting tips.

I think as you say that respect and being treated well is two way. I made the mistake a couple of times of putting up with being treated in not a good way because I felt I was not deserving because of my illness and how difficult I was to live with.

Weight loss and gain is an individual thing. I put on weight with my medication and find it very hard and slow to move. I do know if if feel good at bout my self I eat healthy foods and do not binge on junk food. Like Imdo when I feel low.

i would check with your doctor before you make changes to your diet in case it effects your medication. have you tried writing down everything that you eat and times and why you are eating it. Infound this helpful because I could see the times when I would eat when I wasn’t hungry but was emotional or just did it out of habit.

I am in for warm snorkeling an teaching young children, where do I sign up?

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

Great posts, I love that you are all very entertaining, even when you may not be feeling your best! I’m away again for work, on an early flight and and you’ve managed to cheer me up a bit 😊

Was very low yesterday but a friend of mine who was feeling ‘meh’ herself dragged me to soccer (I was going to pull out) and I felt much better for the exercise and a bit of a laugh. I also almost managed to narrowly avoid what I now call ‘conflict due to mixed messages and misinterpretation via text’ with my ‘problem’ friend but we managed to pull ourselves out of it. It’s quite hilarious, we are so similar in some ways, both chronic overthinkers and prone to taking things the wrong way. We really shouldn’t be friends, it’s hard work sometimes but the good definitely outweighs the bad.

So somehow I managed to avoid sinking really low and now I feel ok. Maybe it’s the medication, although I still feel that I need to bump it up a bit more. Interesting Loula and Quirky about the weight gain, I don’t think I’ve gained any weight due to meds. I probably will though with all of my travel and eating out.

Tams

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

You have an exciting life in that it changes a lot.

I used to play soccer at uni but spent more time chasing male soccer players, oh the days when I was young and before medication!

I have an email friend with her own issues but she misreads my words a lot and never once give benefit of the doubt. I know it is part of her illness but I make lots of allowances for her but she never makes oen for me but does apologise and we appreciate our. When I send an email I delete over 70% before sending just in case!!

Have a good week.

I would whisper about not putting on weight with meds, you are so lucky or have the right genes who knows.

Quirky

[Loula]

Yucky morning! Got a call very early my cousin who I’m extremely close with was in a motorbike accident. He will be ok but he’s extremely lucky.

But my aunt with early Alzheimer’s is he’s emergency contact and she got freaked out and forgot what hospital and what situation he was in and was upset and me and her are a few states away so my mum is trying to calm her down and I’m calling around trying to find him and contact the whole family. Finally got him and everything is sorted and chatted to him. So that’s my energy gone for the day and silly me agreed to work today my day off!!!!!

Yes my brain is having many thoughts at the moment. Haha. I’m going rather fast but slow at the same time.

Had my a Psychiatrist appoiment today. Just stay on the same medication you should stable out!!!! I’m not stabling out!!! I’m fighting every day to continue and I’m tiered!!! I’m over it!!!! I’m not just a thing you throw tablets at!!!!! See this makes me want to give up. I’m over it!!! Work also sucks and hate everyone!

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Loula wow what a very busy day you have.

I am glad your cousin is going to be ok and that you got a chance to chat with him.

i am sorry you don’t feel your psychiatrist or the tablets are not working for you.

Hopefully things will change for the better for you soon.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Weight. Thats why i stopped my meds and am now a gym junkie. I had and obviously still have an unhealthy body image and food relationship. I am struggling with this at the moment because I feel my BF doesn't want me anymore. Of course its my brain being dumb at the moment re image and BF. He and i have talked. We are getting there positively. Some alone time for a change last night helped a bit. I explained to him I used to get teased for how i looked at school and from family. My hair, (long dark and thick), my glasses, my legs, (strong and made from hockey!), my spots, (which are much less these days), my boobs, (ample and ever present when young). He said I was teased for my best bits, ignoring the spots of course. I am a size 12/14 hourglass, and I didn't have to buy it. But still my inner dialogue isn't happy.

Psychiatrists and the medications - I hate the throw it and see approach. Sadly it is the only way of doing psych meds but I can't handle the side effects. Or the ongoing expense. The up and down on meds is different to the bipolar. Or is that just me?

I used to play hockey. I am not sure I have the courage to do that again HAHAHA. I contemplated playing veterans..... For LOLs. Soccer looks too hard.

Loula - Glad your cousin is ok. 🙂

I better work. Another busy day.

V.

[Loula]

I wish it was sociably acceptable to get drunk at work!!!!

[velvetfaerie]

Ditto. Was just discussing that with a colleague hahaha.

V.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone,

velvet,

I have an image of you wielding a hockey stick. We played it at school and this big girls would after us year 7s(old first form) and attack us when there was not a ball around. I had permanent bruised shins for a whole term and out me off hockey and all games for life!!

I had your sort of figure but bigger when I was breastfeeding but now I am more of a soggy pear or a nobbly brick shape.

I thought once I was on medication I would have no ups and downs but in the first year I did have them but not as bad as bipolar. Now I get low or upset , don't get up much, but just for a few hrs or a day. V and others what was yours or is your experience.

Loula, Sounds like you are having a bad day, I do hope it improves.

Quirky

[Loula]

I’m just not having a good one day!!!! I know medication ain’t going to make everything better. We live on earth I’m going to feel emotions. But before I got sick in March I could bounce back. It was just like normal emotions. Now everything is massive!!! Everything hurts! I can’t keep going. It’s just to much.