This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

A big hug t everyone who is feeling down or struggling at the moment.

You are not alone and I know it can be a pain and sometimes it is so tiring but we are all in this together.

Fell free to post and tell us how you are really feeling, now judgments here just support.

V, it would be great if nachos or even chocolate was a magic cure!

Quirky.

Said today is supposed to be coldest day in my state, hope yours is warmer.

[velvetfaerie]

Hi everyone,

My weekend that i wanted to be enjoyable got kind of blown out of the water. My cousin cancelled on me again last minute. Which hurts a lot. Given she told me to set aside that saturday to do stuff which i did. She cancelled because of terrible cramps. Next thing is she is going hiking.

I broke down that afternoon. Randomly a friend called and said she wanted to come over for coffee because she is done with the world. Ok so I provided coffee and an ear and also vented my spleen as well.

Sunday I went for a nice walk with an old friend which was really good. It lifted my spirits. That afternoon i decided to play computer games and have a few ciders. Another friend phoned because really upset and fighting with husband. Baby crying in background. She phones again couple of hours later screaming, crying and saying she is scared and hung up and then would not answer me or tell me what the issue was. She wanted me to drive over there. Well no I couldn't because I had been drinking. Plus if potentially a violent situation why would I want to put myself at risk?

I rang my random Saturday friend to take me over, she told me to ring the police. That was pointless. So we drove by. Police were there. We left.

I have no idea what has happened as my friend in distress has ignored me. All she said was she did not ask me to drive over under the influence. I told her that scaring people the way she did with still no explanation is really cruel. Still no idea what is going on.

All i know is I am done helping people. especially given social occasions are cancelled all the time with me but when the poo hits the fan I am ALWAYS the first person phoned. No more. I am done.

V.

Sorry about my rant.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

V, thanks for telling us what happened as I and am sure many others can relate to it.

I sometimes feel if some people gate a better offer than my company I am not needed.

Also people say I am easy going and I wouldn’t mind changing my plans.

It is sad than when your friends need help they contact you but don’t want to share the good times.

Are your friends there for you when you need help?

Maybe because we know what it is like to need help and support that is why we there for others.

don’t apologise for speaking your mind!

How is everyone else in this cold Monday.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

My friends are very busy with their own dramas. Which is understandable. I am just exhausted from taking on their issues/trying to help when called upon. I am actually thinking of taking a holiday, away, alone, and be selfish. I am just so scared of flying HAHAHHAAH!

My dramas are nothing at the moment. I just feel no value to anyone unless convenient. That is all.

It is cold and wet and wintery here too. At least my car is getting a wash HEHE.

V.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

V,

You said you feel no value unless convenient. I am sure many can relate to that.

Hurry up summer and calm days.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Sunshine ftw!

[Tams20]

Velvet, Quirky,

Don’t get me started on one-sided relationships. I’ve had so many issues with this lately... I recently provided a lot of support to a friend of mine who was going through a tough time, now that she no longer needs my support she barely gives me the time of day. I can’t rememebr the last time she even asked me how I am. Not the slightest bit interested. Our conversations are about her or ‘the weather’. It’s like I don’t exist.

I’m away for work again and feeling rock bottom. Working away is definititely a trigger for me, the early flight combined with a long day in a strange office with people I don’t know... then checking into the hotel and having dinner on my own... few drinks, watching a bit of TV... cue the sads. And I’ll be doing this for the next 5 or so weeks. I don’t think I’ll be able to cope.

Tams

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Tams,

is travelling part of your regular job or are you filling in for someone. Can you talk to someone about how this time away is affecting you.?

I feel sad that your friend treated you like that. one sided relationships are not fair

Quirky

[Loula]

That’s no good your not feeling good after your work trip Tams. Hopefully you come good soon or learn some healthy techniques to cope if you need to travel again.

I find in life some people are just takers. I think with all of us being ill when we see someone upset we know how it’s to be upset and just want to help. We need friends who can give. We need basicly people with big heart. I’ve lost my bf because of this. It really sucked but in the end it’s the most positive decision I made. I did before ending our friendship try and talk about this issue but she just couldn’t change and had to be the focous of attention and when her life was good she wouldn’t reply to a txt message.

Saw my doctors today. And guess what anothe change in medication! You can all guess how excited I am about this!!!! Also they think I’m goong into a depression but still manic. I don’t get it. I feel not fast nor manic and I’m doing stuff and socialising I just feel useless. It’s like I’m just existing. Dose that make sense?

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Tams,

I understand totally. I am starting to become and insensitive hard a#$% because of people like that.

Are you FIFO? 5 weeks is a big swing.

V.