This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Teamwork and fair. Or within reason.

It upset me because of some other personal things related to this that i barely speak of. Plus some hurtful things once said to me by the manager who lead this meeting yesterday. It has opened old wounds really. Goes beyond work.

I am the same Tams. I manage myself as best I can. Medication occasionally when I have issues sleeping. that sleep/bi polar loop can suck.

Its friday 😄

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

i am away from home visiting family and my iPad decided to crash for a day until a friend sort of fixed it. Then the wifi didn’t work and I have been busy all day. So fingers crossed.

Computers don’t seem to like me but I am nice to them.

Loula

I know you are tired but I hope you continue with your medication and seeing doctors as you are making progress though it does not seem like that at times, .Please keep posting we are all here supporting you.

Tams I can understand your decision about not telling work. I think I have mentioned that when I was teaching there was a question that said do you have any illness that would interfere with your work. As I was on medication and stable I answered truthfully no.

Now being self employed I can be honest and open and can help customers who want books about bipolar and depression.

V, I agree with you about being fair at work. I have children but never expected to be treated differently. I am sorry your manager said hurtful things in the past.

On the whole is it a pleasant place to work for you.?

I think you have mentioned it is hard for you take a break even when you have not had one for a long while. So was wondering if your work environment is stressful at times.

Kind thoughts to all

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

For the most part I enjoy my work and colleagues. We all are feeling the lack of work at the moment and instead of redundancies, the managers bully until people resign. It’s the cheaper option. That’s what I’ve seen over the last 11 years anyway.

Hope you all have a great weekend !!!

[quirkywords]

Hello all, that is a very unhealthy work practice, bullying people till they resign,. What she HR say about that, it sounds like it would break a few industrial laws . Do you have unions there?

Quirky

[Loula]

I’ve seen the bully action in play. It’s not fun. But it is cheaper. I’ve told my boss about it as I disappeared for a while and needed to come back into work slowly. But I work for a big company that actually sends the bosses away for mental health training, having counseling free lines and actually spend a week of informing staff about it like they are big on my most hated day Are you ok? So I’m very lucky and plus if they tried to bully I got a union so I’m in a sweet spot.

I’m finding it harder everyday. I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel like sleeping the day away, I don’t feel like eating tons of food or my usual symptoms but the black cloud is getting stronger in my head and it’s making more sense everyday. Maybe it’s just my time. We all have a time.

[Ggrand]

Hello Loula,

I haven't been posting much. I like to listen here mostly. I want to let you know I went down really hard fast and deep. I sat all day Tuesday and Tuesday night wanting to go with what I believed were logical thoughts of leaving this life..

Early hour of Wednesday morning I made a phone call, as well as read the wonderful support I got from people here through those horrid 4 days. I'm on my way out of that hell hard place I went to... Please don't give in to the black dog.. Fight that little bit harder..go outside and look around try and be one with nature.. trust that things will get better..

Loula, I believe our time is up when the universe has decided on it... not us. I know how hard it is not to be us. I just went through that on Tuesday..Another win to me....yes, I'll keep winning as much as I can because I hope that there are better things around that elusive corner.

I hope you will be okay..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Loula, your work sounds very ective with mental health.

I am worried about you because I care. The black dog makes no sense. You are so young and clever Nd have nachos ro offer.

i know you are tired but that black cloud is trying to trick you,dont listen

have to spoken to your diction about your thoughts? He or she can help you if you can open up like you have here, zEven if you can make a copy of your post.

You like you work your family and your husband so please listen to them and not the dark cloud in your head.

we are hear cheering you on and caring for you.

Quirky

Quirky.

[velvetfaerie]

HR and managers pay lip service to each other.

If I get tangled up in something I’ll take it to a state or even federal stage.

No one is above the law.

my workplace is very proactive on paper with policies etc in place but underneath its corrupt.

v.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

v

your workplace does not sound the best . It must be a confusing place to work. Do you think it affects your moods.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Yes. It hasn’t for a while though. But I am dealing with a few things atm that are getting to me. I broke yesterday. Very down.

hope you all are going ok. Maybe nachos are the magic cure.