This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Tams,

Sorry if by bossy teacher tone came through!

am wondering if people's moods affect their confidence.

Can you be depressed and confident and high and unconfident or is it normally vice versa?

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi everyone

I honestly believe that our moods influence our confidence as well as our decision making. I know when I feeling down and anxious it’s hard to leave the house, and if I have to deciding what to wear. Yes simple decision but when I look everything looks ugly. It’s like a downward spiral, so definitely my moods effect my confidence and my decision making.

Quirky, I keep all my feelings inside I wish I didn’t, if I start actually talking I won’t stop and end up a complete mess.

Issi

[Tams20]

Agree with Issi, I’m the same.

The only exception with me is when I’m depressed but also feeling irritated, agitated and impatient. I can still be confident, but it’s more of a need to just ‘get sh*t done’, not a positive type of confidence. And anyone that gets in my way will probably feel the wrath.... I’ve been like this quite a bit lately and it’s been a turbulent time for my family and friends.

Tams

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Issi I am told I wear my heart on my sleeve which means I am vulnerable but this is me, I write from my heart and talk from my heart. I think you just do what suits you instinctively.

Tams, thanks for explains how your moods affect your confidence.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

How are you all feeling for the start of the weekend?

How was your week?

Tams

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

don't have a weekend as I work everyday in my shop but I have time away when I want it.

So just another day trying to help people find the book the want or they don't know they want to read!!

Tams thanks for asking. How are you?

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky,

Working 7 days is very hard, I worked 7 days in my general store, it really zapped the energy out of me, Please Quirky take care of yourself..

I love old books, I used to search a lot of old book stores, vinnies, salvo etc to find some..My treasured possession was an old bible that wad dated 1805..it was a family bible as all the previous owners name were written in it....but it has since disappeared. I know where but I won't go their...

Do you have any really old books in your shop and do you like reading books a lot? Sorry about all the questions..only if you want to answer..

Im still reading through this thread,,I'm slow sometimes..I'm finding it hard to accept and manage the ultra rapid cycling BP2 diagnosis, but at least now I know why for a month or so I'm okay, then wow, for 7 weeks last episode, cry, up and down constantly, it really wore me down.. in time I hope I'll manage them better...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy.....Karen

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Grandy,

I like answering questions. I sell old books but I keep on wanting to keep more books rather than have them for sale.

Grandy feel free to ask any questions, there is a wide range of experiences amongst people here.

It must be hard getting a recent diagnosis. As you know I was diagnosed at 16 in denial for another 16 years .

So I have spent most of my life with a diagnosis. I think the more knowledge you have about your own cycle it will help you. If you keep a book about your moods and make notes about changes you notice or behaviours, this can help.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Quirky,

I love bookshops! I’m jealous, I’d love to own a bookshop... except for the 7-day week part, that is. I’m a big fan of books, there’s nothing better than opening the cover of a book that you’re looking forward to reading... I’ve tried eBooks but I just can’t do it.

After a pretty good week I’m back down again... Hit me last night out of nowhere. Also feeling guilty because a good friend of mine got angry with me yesterday because of my behaviour toward her lately... she feels that I keep putting her down, that I set her up and whatever she says in response is the wrong thing, that I make her feel bad about herself... Arrghh!! She’s right too, I’ve been an absolute pain with her lately. No idea why, but it’s all mind games and manipulation. I can feel myself doing it but can’t stop it. Feel like such a horrible person! I don’t have many close friends - this is probably why. Anyway we talked through it and we’re good. She gave me a big hug before we parted ways. But I still feel terrible! 😫

Grandy - I can relate, I’ve also had the same diagnosis recently and I’m also struggling with it. Am getting caught up looking back on things in my life and trying to work out whether that my MI the cause... waste of time, I know, I should just be focusing on the future.

Tams

[Chloe_M]

Hi guys, don't post much here but just popping in to say hi and ask how you're all going. Have been reading the posts too.

So, without further ado...

Hi 😊👋

How is everyone doing?

xx Chloe