This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Hey issi!!!!!

I have a tafe exam this am..... I procrastinated on study... meh...

have fun shopping ..... blarg... shopping centres are too peopley....

v.

[Issi]

Totally v

it's even worse when it's food shopping, I really dislike it

issi

[white knight]

Hi all.

Here's my take on bipolar. Its now bipolar spectrum apparently! It used to be bipolar 1 or 2

Anyway Im bipolar 2, as well as depression, dysthymia (low mood constant depression ) and lingering anxiety that used to be intense.

So Firstly if depressed I used to not be able to differentiate between illnesses. What illness caused that bad mood, what illness caused the depression? But as time went on and with adjustment of mood stabilisers and AD's it became more apparent.

My bipolar mood can be more debilitating than my depression down times. When I go through a bipolar down period it has an unknown length, my last one lasted two weeks. At the beginning of it there were no triggers, i was on holidays, no car trouble, no financial difficulties etc. Often triggers like those just mentioned can set off a depressive cycle that is (for me) more managable.

Im more emotional during depression. Im more angry during bipolar. Im not Tony when bipolar I'm more a suppressed soul. When not in a bipolar mood I can be manic but not too much so...cant sleep, in a rush, people irritate me in queues etc.

At 61yo Im finding the symptoms dont change but my understanding of them and my communication of them to my wife has improved. We are prepared for them. Im lucky, my wife has depression (she sleeps, quite a different type) so we understand the personal challenges we both have so we have mutual support. Importantly we are direct and honest with each other. We never use mental illness as an excuse for poor behaviour. We are not afraid of apologizing. This is crutial as mi cant be accountable for some of our reactions and responses and its not meant and not our fault.

We've noticed our needs to avoid triggers. Getting out for a cappuccino and cake twice a week is essential,(we live in the country) and I drive a vintage car that tows the small caravan I built last year...thats something i love, I need that passion or I feel like a clone of everyone else. I need to be unique.

Ive found that the more anxious I am the more often my bipolar mood is erratic. After 30 years I still do my muscle tensioning exercises and watch youtube maharaji videoes (use google) both of which calm me down and help with sleeping.

A stable quiet country life has been the objective and now its been 16 years in this area its been the best move. The city life was not a great place for my issues.

Hope that helps you nice people.

Tony WK

[velvetfaerie]

That helped me lots Tony. Helps to know we are not alone.

I have been very emotional lately. I am an emotional person, but more so lately. Last 2 months i guess. Exhausted and anxious too. I am wondering if a lot a life stuff happening the last couple of months hasn't pushed me into bipolar depression.

As I type this I feel tears welling up thinking about things. All sorts. Good, bad, indifferent.

The last couple of weeks I have occasionally fallen into old coping habits, naughty ones. I know this compounds problems. So I am trying to drag myself up. After today. I need to go home to doona and pjs and doccos.

All I ever wanted was a farm with animals. Misplaced maternal instinct I call it LOL !

V.

[velvetfaerie]

Restless. Agitation.

😡😡😡😡

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey, everyone.

Hopefully we're feeling more rested and the TAFE things went well, and agreed on shopping, I'm not wild about that. It can get overwhelming, I feel, and anxiety tells me I'm being looked at by everyone I walk past. Anxiety doesn't know what it's talking about, but it says things with confidence, and that's the problem.

Tony, that's very insightful, thanks for sharing. :3 It's so important that we try to better understand ourselves all the time. Not judge, but understand. It can be hard to do that sometimes, but the main thing is that we always try.

Velvet, I hope that you're feeling at least a little better by now, I'm sorry you've been dealing with such anxiety and agitation. Do your best to get away from unhealthy coping mechanisms, maybe search around for healthier ones? It can be hard to resist unhealthy techniques. 😞

As for myself, I am tired. I ended up crying quite a bit last night and am not feeling well at this point, but it's still early morning, I suppose. I recognise that it was from a trigger, my mood: I got knocked back from a traineeship and I only have a couple weeks left of working at my current place. I can't be not working. I can't handle it, I can't.

I applied for a couple jobs before I was totally distraught last night. I don't have much hope.

Other than that, things have been pretty average lately. Oh, aside from the current same-sex marriage debate showing clearly that I have some ignorant, homophobic family members. That's upsetting, to put it lightly.

Before I forget (that's gonna be funny in a moment), I just downloaded an app called MediSafe where you can put in your meds and schedule a reminder to take them, put in how many you have left, etc. I think it's pretty good!

[white knight]

Thanks Lady Stardust..medisafe, I'll look at that.

Hi V. Stresses is like kryptonite to Supetman with bipolar. Hence my move to the country.

Imagine a normal person carrying around a rubber cup as a symbol of their stress. But we carry a fragile glass always worried about dropping it. Along comes some stress and as your attention is taken away the glass is about to topple. The more issues around you the more it leans. So one stress is managable at any time. If we learn techniques to stote or delay other dtresses we are better off.

So common stresses that can be delayed say, while studying, are- the phone ringing (turn it off and have on your MessageBank that you are studying), have a glass of water handy, wear comfy clothes, have soft background music (I like Pechembel), use a diary and check out muscle tensioning exercises.

Anyway hope you feel better soon.

Tony WK

[velvetfaerie]

I'm ok lady. Just tired and busy.

I hope you are ok? My warm positive thoughts for the job hunting.

Don't let the ass holes get ya down either my dear. And I'll tell my anxiety to gtfo.

x

[Issi]

Hi all

Having trouble sleeping, something I haven't had to deal with for a while. Not sure if it has anything to do with going to hospital tomorrow, oops today for tms. I just know I have a 2 week break from Tafe, ironing that's covering half the couch, 2 teenage boys on school holidays and assignments to be done. It feels selfish to be going to hospital while there is so much to be done.

But then the other part of me says I need the treatment maintenance so I can keep doing all this. Because it's time out for me as well I feel guilty, treatment goes for 1hr twice a day, so the rest of the time is my own.

My words just seam to jumbled as my thoughts

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Issi how did tms go. Idon't know much about it but if it works for you why feel guilty. Ok I am the queen of guilt but I tell others not to.I think guilt and motherhood are twins.

I gave up ironing when no one could tell the difference between my before and after efforts.

Quirky