This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

I wanted to add a funny story but I was so tired.

Driving to work yesterday, in the pre dawn dark, I could see a masculine silhouette walking on the verge on my side of the road. 

As I got closer, I noticed he was absolutely starkers. Not a stitch of clothing was present. One strategically placed witches cone was being held in place with one hand as he walked. He did not appear intoxicated, but boy he must have been cold. 😂

[Airies]

Velvet, your last post is hilarious. The things we do when we were young and stupid thankfully didn’t try and ask you for a lift. as for your earlier post yep I don’t miss all the crap associated with a workplace. you’re a smarter cookie then me. I was gonna ask how your Home gym was going. My dog has just had his second walk for the day first with my wife and now with me somebody’s done 12 1/2 K for the day. No one is stuffed. my fitness goals and weight loss are going well. weighing everything and using chat GPT it’s great. going to the gym three times a week and walking daily and tomorrow I’ll get my bike serviced . I’ve gotta goal weight in mind and I’m halfway there. we bipolar people certainly not do things by halves. so far I think it’s been the warmest start to Winter. not that I’m complaining.

[quirkywords]

V sounds like bucks night prank!!!

[asdff]

To those with adult children, Do they still like you when they grow up? I yell at my family. My most common symptom is anger  and it’s uncontrollable. I do everything the “experts” tell me to… take medication, exercise regularly m, eat well, keep a regular sleep routine. Yet I am angry 99% of the time. Even when I’m sad, I’m angry. How can I love children, when I don’t love myself? I try my best. I am flat out caring for them, my husband, mother. My husband is physically sick at the moment and I have to pick up the load for him. He won’t tell his parents, as he doesn’t want them to worry. Our kids are at the age where they are learning to drive. Who gets the lions share of that? Me. The one with the mental illness 🙄 We have paid for lessons too and they are very costly. I can’t “run away” to my mother’s house as it’s packed to the rafters down there with people she is caring for.

[asdff]

Ha ha about the nude man. 

[velvetfaerie]

Bucks prank was definitely something said by other people Quirky 😆 

My home gym is awesome Airies. I have made more progress doing my own stuff than I ever did in a professional establishment. I need new PJs as mine do not stay where they should anymore. 

If the man needed a lift he could have jumped in my ute tray. No nude buns will touch my sheep skin covers or leather seats!! 

12.5km walkies and your doggo is a Jack Russell? Hehehe. That's like 90 dog kilometres 😆 

Rest day today because the cognitive and physical stuff at work for the last week has knackered me. 

Anger can be unprocessed grief.

I know everyone has a different path to walk and everyone has been privileged enough in our society to choose that path.

In no way do I feel ripped off by not getting married or having kids 🤣

[Airies]

My pooch bounces back better then I do after a walk.Hes an Australian Mini Foxy a very popular breed when I was growing up.I had a nice spin bike and rowing machine but had to sell as no room. Amazing the buzz one gets from excercise. I sleep so much better. My bikes just been serviced. More expensive than a car. I was going to go for a ride as it’s almost tropical here at 20 degrees but 3 workouts in one day would be stretching it. Hope all is well