This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Oh Velvet, I’ve taken a strong dislike to e-scooters. I think people need a license for them, if my kids need to learn to drive a motor vehicle and obey road rules. So should these people. How disgusting that the police didn’t give a stuff about your fence. Don’t get me started on insurance.

Calgaree I found yoga helpful at the beginning of my diagnosis. I should go back to it. I find most forms of exercise helpful. 

[velvetfaerie]

Agree, and/or speed restricted, AND enforce it. People have already killed pedestrians using these machines. 

Exercise = does wonders! I have had a few days off due to pain, (all gone now), fatigue, (almost over), crippling anxiety and depression. Now to get back to it to stifle the anxiety and depression!!!

Tomorrow I start with a small walk with the dog. He is traumatised too. Shame he won't do doga...  

This weekend I'll try to find something to do to celebrate my birthday. Everything else that happened washed it away. 

The cold weather is also less than ideal. Brrrrrr.

[velvetfaerie]

It never ends.

I have had enough of living in a slave state.

Corporatism.. we have it.

These holidays have sucked.

I am looking into leaving Australia.

[Airies]

 Velvet, I hope things pick up.

asdff like you have found excercise and gym beneficial. If I do it I sleep better. Walk every morning and gym 3 times a week. Cycling not so much now with the weather. I’m trying to loose weight. I need too.

My Spotify playlist is made up of songs from the 50s to the current day.

[velvetfaerie]

Me too. 3 weeks so far and the hits keep on coming.... upside is I haven't been on a cruise hahaha!

All I will say is I have dropped about half my scalp hair and a few kilos from stress.

I hope the hair comes back!!!

[quirkywords]

 Velvet  Aries and Asdff

sorry for my absence . I am coping with a lot at the moment, but I have been following this thread.

i am grateful for the kindness and understanding. 
Do others feel tired a lot and emotional. . I do deep breathing, relaxation exercises, but don’t get much sleep. Like most here I am under stress . I have support online and in real life. I have friends and walk a lot.

kind thoughts to everyone reading.

quirky 

[velvetfaerie]

Sorry to hear that Quirky. Virtual hugs, tea and cake!!! 

I feel tired and emotional a lot at the moment so I understand. I reckon a large chunk of people feel that way. Not a dismissive comment but one that I hope means relatability. If people could relate better, I think a lot of troubles could be navigated together and have a better outcome. 

Sometimes talking/exchanging conversations with people helps all involved.

[velvetfaerie]

I have been to my GP twice in 2 weeks for a repeat script. They have authority to prescribe. I have never had an issue, ever, not with medicare or the Drs, until this one. This Dr gaslit me, blamed medicare, misrepresented the facts, made me feel like an inconvenient criminal and did not read the history notes , (no need to believe me, the notes will reveal all!). I have had no medication for a month because the script expired a month ago. 

Unsure if negligent or discrimination.

Maybe uncomfortable? This is ok, just say so!

Either way, once again I have been let down by the medical/mental health system. This is 3 times in 3 weeks. 

This is disgusting. 

[Airies]

Not good enough V. I don’t know how you are pulling through. I miss a day and I’m up all night.I hope by the time I post you have access to your meds. I hope you’re ok. Me logging my food, gym and watching my calories and fasting.

Hows Quirkywords and Asdff doing? Received a voucher for a bookstore. Can’t wait to get some new books to read. Although my attention or concentration to anything wains. I tend to speed read when I’m able. 

[velvetfaerie]

Well, I am tumbling through at the moment. I have half my meds which is better than nothing. I have added stuff with babysitting a revolving door of new supervisors for the last year (unrecognised of course).. and elderly parent issues. To be honest, I refuse to keep destroying myself for others who will not meet me in the middle. It all may go to pot this year. 

Perhaps the less controlled impulsivity may be a blessing ahhahaha! 

Exercise is such a good management tool for many of us.

Books / reading / learning. I find this a beneficial past time too, depending of what I consume. Animals being silly videos = best medicine ever.