This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

I’ve tried meditation, mindfulness and other techniques. Has anyone tried transcendental meditation. Thinking of checking it out but subject to change as everything else is in my twisted head 

[velvetfaerie]

Anything is worth a shot. I admit, I had to google what transcendental meditation was!

Apart from active things, I find colouring in quite calming!!!

[asdff]

Velvet, I love colouring in. I also like jigsaw puzzles but they have to be 500 pieces or under. 1000 pieces and I lose interest. I finished one the other day that was 500 pieces and it was only because I want it to beat me that I finished it. 

I am so sad about Catherine O’Hara. Schitt’s Creek has helped me loads and I adore her character Moira Rose (the wigs and costumes make me laugh). I am very much the character David. Catherine was close in age to my Mum. 

[quirkywords]

Yes Asdff I remember that poster. 

[quirkywords]

Airies I was diagnosed with manic depression never bipolar so I have no idea if I am one or two. I fell I am 1.

i have done so many embarrassing things An I write about it and all have given talks to community groups. No secrets. 

[quirkywords]

My family has used me to get a job yet some don’t talk to me about how it affects me but they feel free to use their connection to me to help them get a job. 

[velvetfaerie]

Jigsaw puzzles = I don't have any but I reckon I would like them. I'll get one!!!

I was sad too about Catherine O'Hara. 

A generational actress. 

I haven't watched much Schitts creek.

What I have seen I liked.

I identify with Stevie. 😂

[velvetfaerie]

People can be garbage Quirky.

I think family can be worse. It is easier to predict the reaction from someone familiar, (note play on words), than someone not so much.

Guess what else is garbage? 40C + weather.

Urghhhh. 

[Airies]

Quirky,

I take my hat off to you. That’s brave. As I type it’s snowing, carpeted in white. There’s a shooting range close by and I can hear heavy shooting echoing through the woods and neighbourhood. It’s kind of aerie and as I have gathered anything goes in the USA.

Not a day goes by when my BP rears its ugly head. Politically incorrect is my go to now.

[asdff]

Velvet those 40 degree days were awful. Not that mid 30’s is much better. 

I am so low, I reached out to a family member (yes one of those Velvet). We’ll never again will I go to her for help. I got the response of get a ticket and join the queue. Yep, after all the running around I’ve done for her. Well no more. My brother and step sisters children can do that. That made me so angry.! Have contacted go for a mental health care plan.!