This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

Lily0123

I like your explanation of the different levels.

I’m newly diagnosed, in my 40s. My dad recently passed away and he also had BP. I was saying to my psychologist I wish I had him to talk to because he would understand, she suggested reaching out to a community of like minded people and I’ve found your thread.

velvetfaerie

These guys are awesome. Warm welcome!!!

We get it. I was initially misdiagnosed with bipolar. That was not a good time.

I do have a best friend with bipolar 1 though.

In the end, brain conditions make things awkward, difficult, challenging etc. So there is a lot of common ground and understanding here.

I have adhd. Paradoxical effects are real!!!

quirkywords

Lily welcome to the forum. We are a small group of supportive people with different lived with bipolar. Ask as many questions as you like. I have found this groups so nonjudgmental and so friendly and understanding. We are a community of kind people. I was diagnosed over 50 years ago and am still learning about myself.
Glad you found us.

quirkywords

Velvet do you think it is worth getting test at my age for adhd. I tick all the boxes but I still have no. just think I am too old to get an another diagnosis . how would it help me?

velvetfaerie

It would help if you were seeking support / services from a relevant provider and alternative medical management.

So it is really 6 to one half dozen the other.

But remember, if you need help, don't be afraid to ask/alert people. For anything.

I wish my mother would do that.

velvetfaerie

Long story short... the chickens are heading home to roost.

My dad is a roadblock to mum accessing help.

This has been many decades in the making including his treatment of me......

And the you know what is about to hit the legal fan......... and I am so very very tired.

Airies

Lily, welcome to the crew. I’m sure you will find it beneficial. I was diagnosed adhd 20 years ago and then diagnosed in my early 50s bp1. This group is great supportive, non judgmental and we get one another.

Ive never met any of this great gang but feel we know one another so well.

quirkywords

Velvet thanks for your advice.

velvetfaerie

Aries... did you know that this April, 7 planets enter the constellation/sign of Aries?

Over the last 2 years I have been learning/looking at things through my telescope. I have also been looking at the woo woo sides of things. The cyclical nature of history and things is really fascinating.

Learning keeps me out of shenanigans.....

Airies

Oh wow V , that’s amazing. April 7 I Will be circling Australia on a cruise ship. Currently-14 here in the US. It’s ok if you rug up. It’s snowing as well which is beautiful. Happy planet gazing.