This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Hi everyone,

So over the last few days my garage became my gym. I have a full squat rack, bench, barbells and more plates than I'll ever use.

I am yet to lay down the rubber flooring I bought. I also got a big fan to circulate air.

Doing all that was a massive workout!!! 

Work is absolutely unhinged at the moment. More so than nornal. Impossible deadlines due to others being absent/busy/lazy..... 

I hope the visit to the gym is empowering Airies!!! I hope your muscles won't be too mad.

Asdf, I have been forced to adapt a lot through my life so as annoying as it is, I always find a way. I have no idea how all these gym businesses will survive long term. 

Hugs and high fives guys!!! 

[quirkywords]

Aries,  velvet, Asdff, and everyone reading. How life can change in a few hours. The events in Sydney have touched me personally.

Iam lucky family are ok. It is so much to process. Thinking of everyone affected .

Words fail me. There is a special thread where I will write more.

i hope everyone is ok. 

[velvetfaerie]

Quirky, I was wondering!!! Big hugs.

It has made me very very sad. 

[Airies]

Hugs to everyone.As shocking as it is, its history repeating itself with the Hoddle Street massacre and Port Arthur massacre.Australia lost its innocence long ago. I’m sadly disentised to a degree because of crap from my previous career. The government needs to take a stronger stance.I am very wary when wa

 lking and driving. No longer feel safe in this country of ours. Luckily 99% of people do the right thing 

[velvetfaerie]

Depends on the motivation for said horrific acts. That motivation & scale, together, is the first of it's kind in Australia. Other massacres have not been ideologically motivated here, (I don't think?).

I wish I could write here what a colleague said to me last year that was abhorrent regarding some of my heritage and ww2. It was a direct suggestion that I should not exist. 

I am also very desensitised, until the emotional aspects of these events are aired.

A lot of humans are covertly and overtly evil.

[Airies]

Yes, I get you Velvet. What a shocking thing from your colleague.As I get older i feel more and more unsafe. How’s your home gym going? Sounds pretty awesome. As for me slowly getting there. Recumbent bike and treadmill for me. I’m finding I’m lacking energy. Meds and maybe not drinking enough water maybe.

Quirkywords and Asdff how are you both doing?

[asdff]

The events in Bondi were shocking, traumatic and inhumane. Why can’t we all get along. Velvet that colleague is callous and abhorrent. We also have some heritage of the monitory group that was attacked. 

As for the lead up to the day that seems to become bigger and bigger, more commercialised all the time. I was going okay, keeping my routines, doing as little socialising as possible. We are still cooking and contributing to C —////mas Lunch. I have made my thing, my husband took it upon himself to make the other item. Then he is asking me for the recipe etc. you wonder why I didn’t just make it myself? Grrrr I am not even eating this dish, it’s full of fat. Sometimes I forget the lead  up to me blowing up. Everyone is home, from school and work. Husband for third year in a row is completing a project. Something that involves multiple trips to hardware store, lots of noise, mess and you got it… big disruption to my routines. It would be doable for my moods if we had a shed, our block is not big enough for a shed. Rant over. Big hugs to all.