This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hi Aries, Velvet, Asdff 

I have been coping with a lot of things and dropping more than juggling. Going to my  school reunion next week and I am beginning to wish I hadn’t agreed and paid for accommodation and dinner. A big room full of people I can’t remember scares me but I have to be strong.

[velvetfaerie]

It is ok to drop things. We are all human. We all have finite time/energy/resources.

I am dropping things. I am refusing to constantly remind staff, (who earn more than I do), about jobs they have coming up.

One reminder and that is it. This week I prove a point. I don't care.

Re the reunion Quirky= can you take an awesome wingman? Or woman? 

[Airies]

  A week Home from surgery. . I’ve forgotten how painful it is since having the other one done 10 years ago. struggling with crutches as in getting up and down a single step. confused with order of crutchesoperared leg and so on . I’m a grump also not making a very good patient. Hope everyone’s doing okay and look forward to your posts

[asdff]

Oh Airies, rest up. My Mother is due to have her second one of that joint operated on soon. I’ve accompanied her to some of the appointments. 

I am not physically sick this past week. Yay! It’s just been busy and I can feel my mood changing hypomanic state. Blergh. We know what goes up, must come down. I would prefer to stay on the straight and narrow. This bipolar caper is exhausting. I wish with everything that I have, I wasn’t neurodivergent. 

[velvetfaerie]

Take it easy Airies... no swatting people with your crutches 🤣

I spent most of today in the garden and sun. It was superb!!! 

When people show you who they are, believe them. A little conversation I  had at work with a middle manager, entailed her demeaning me covertly with every sentence and elevating herself. I can't understand how her 12yr old daughter isn't a fan of hers. 😂

This week, she thought her decision on an issue was the only way, even though 3 VETS advised otherwise. She is not a vet yet she is the expert. Maybe she should use her expertise in everything to handle some bigger issues, like world peace. 🙄Those VETS ask ME for imput/opinions almost daily. So does the BIG BIG BOSS!! 😝

Thanks for letting me carry on here.

Have a good week folks. 

[quirkywords]

Hi Aries Asdff and Velvet and all those reading.

Good to read everyone’s news. 
The reunion was ok. I did have a friend who met me at the motel and we supported each other. There were over 60 women there. I once or twice went to talk to someone on my own as my friend was chatting and didn’t want to be a like a pupoy hanging around,,!,

the hard part was travelling their and back in the car but that’s another story.

Aries hope you heal soon. 
Asdff  yes life is exhausting but now neurodivergence is recognised I don’t feel odd but more appreciated.  Velvet  I am glad there are people at work who realise what an asset you are.

[velvetfaerie]

You couldn't pay me enough to attend a highschool reunion. Nothing in common and none have evolved, oh and a fair few still behave like they're 16. 

Today I have forgotten my meds, people at work can't communicate, they attend when they want to and weaponize incompetence. These people also get away with everything.

Given showing up is an option, I will be taking an extra long weekend this weekend. 😁

[Airies]

On rare occasions I’ve forgotten to take my meds and boy did I pay for it. Buzzing all night long.3 weeks post surgery. Slowly getting there. I was taking painkillers at night and had a dreadful reaction. They reacted badly with my meds and I awoke screaming thinking that I was falling and thrashing my arms and legs about. Not good and lucky not to fall out of bed.

can’t wait for Summer to come. It’s been a shocking Spring. Wet and cold. Have a good weekend folks 

[velvetfaerie]

That sounds awful!! Dangerous too! 

Summer gave us a tickle earlier this week. Got to about 35C at my place. I managed it a lot better than last year, (hormones hahaha).

I am enjoying my weekend, exercise, garden, documentaries and pleasant weather. 

Enjoy y'all!!

[asdff]

Oh Airies 😥 that sounds awful. 
How are things Velvet? It’s been humid, the rain has been forecast but only came once I had the washing on the line!

I’ve been okay. Then bam, bipolar catches you. Things that neurotypicals are fine with. Fine. Not me. No. I cried for a full ten minutes in the shower yesterday. It’s been a long build up and I think the meds have helped. Too many appointments. Children needing to run around at odd times. Appointments for them. Then how do I cope with this stuff… overeat. Trying to eat the stress away. I can pinpoint when that one came to play or I started doing that.