This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Velvet, I completely understand about the first sniff of an inheritance and people coming running. We are going to have that soon, the people that are sponging off one of my parents. Will out their hand out and then the rest. There is a Will but I think it will be contested and of course it’s the ones that have done nothing and never enquired how the sick person is that want the money. I’m at the point where I want to pull back and hide from society. There is only so much give I can give. 

Quirky, you are roughly the same age as my Mum. This generation of parenting is terrible, we have to be all involved. I get ten emails from the school a day. Little Johnny needs his sports uniform, little Johnny needs to meet at the oval for the sports excursion. How about little Johnny takes responsibility for his own actions? Grr gristle, grumble.

Airies, I forget to say yesterday I will joining you in the replacement surgery from over exercising in my coming years. 

[velvetfaerie]

Well, my assets will be going to no family.

I have some friends who I consider family who will get most of it.

Not for profit, grassroots animal and mental health charities will get a heap as well. 

Any with highly paid executives get $0.

[velvetfaerie]

Gonna rant.

Because people have abruptly quit work, others not doing their job and most staff are on leave coz it's school holidays, I get stuck doing work that is well above my pay rate, for free!!! No I'm not!!! I REFUSE!!!

Awww but I have to be understanding.

I see no one being understanding about me facing a potential cancer diagnosis on top of perimenopause!!! 

That's right. I'm worth nothing because I don't have the golden tickets = aka kids!!!

Sorry not sorry. I HATE privileged mothers.

[quirkywords]

Velvet that is awful people vs.ue a person on whether they have children.

i get judged because i ddid not do much paid work until children went to school.
you are a strong person and people who judge you are missing out on knowing you. 

[velvetfaerie]

Families who juggle work / kids and all the things, with help from family and friends, who are able to ask for help when needed, are commendable.

The one female I work with in particular is horrid. Her kids have MH issues, her partner does too and so does their dog. The common denominator? Yep. Narcissistic, selfish, arrogant, nit picking trashbag with zero ability to self reflect.

But hey, colleagues om chemo who may need a hand here and there? Who cares says she!

Gak. I can't wait until her daughter hits puberty haha!

[quirkywords]

Are there more narcissistic people around now or are we more aware now . I know  quite a few people with narcissistic  tendencies.

[velvetfaerie]

Very good question Quirky!!!!

My 2c worth is the following: The VAST majority of families can't afford to have a parent be a fulltime/part time parent. BOTH parents need to work AT LEAST fulltime now simply to survive. This is a far cry from a few decades ago.

I could go on but I won't bore anyone.

I am over what our society has become.

[velvetfaerie]

That may not make sense.

Less parental guidance, more reliance on a sinking system = less desirable outcomes.

Older people way too self concerned with basic survival as well which leaves little room for anything else in their lives.

It's too cold this am!!!

[asdff]

Raging and below the basement. Masking like a champ, husband said you were okay yesterday and the day before. No, I wasn’t. They have gone out to the movies and left the mess for me. Always mess for me.

[asdff]

I got stuck doing paperwork for a parent. I did most of it. Then got cross because there is another sibling that could help and two nieces who are beneficiaries when said parent passes. I have asked them to help.