This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

has anyone experienced a strong pain for no reason and wonders is it a physical isl pain expressing emotions..?

does that sound weird.

How is everyone Aries asdfff ve,vet Lisa and all those reading but who don’t post. 

I have lived with the label fir over 50 years get at times I feel I know a lot and at other times I feel I am ignorant.

This thread is supportive and gives me hope. I am coping with a challenging domestic situation that can be supportive but it is often not. 
take care everyone. We are strong and kind. 

[Airies]

Hey Quirky, Be kind to yourself. You’re the backbone of this thread. You keep it going. I’d hate to see its demise as you and Velvet, Asdff are so so supportive. I’m ok . A day off my meds the other day due to a medical day procedure. Thankgod for the tennis as I was awake for 36 hours.I felt good.

Now I’m trying to get into an inpatient program for PTSD. I am getting stuffed around with mixed messages. I know the system is under pressure but  when people say they going to contact you and they don’t it leaves you deflated

[quirkywords]

Thanks Aries for your kind words.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm still here. I've been just really busy plus learning a lot about random things.

People who tell others to get over their concerns are just being dismissive gaslighters. Same with mixed messages.

You watch their attitude change when it's them!!!

I've been watching that unfold at work. 

Strong pain for no reason.... I don't think so, but maybe i have?

I know stress releases cortisol which is a hormone which causes inflammation and inflammation causes pain. 

Keep trucking guys. You're all very resilient!!!! 

[asdff]

Hi, sorry I’ve been offline for a bit. It was school holidays , my busy period. I need a bit to get off them. My husband does not not understand the kids being here affects my moods. 

we had a party to attend on the weekend, it was great to attend with friends that try and understand. I don’t have to mask very much around them. 

Aires, we have trees that scrape against the fences. Sometimes I can let it go, sometimes it bothers me. Fingers crossed you get into PTSD Inpatient Treatment. 

Velvet you are a wealth of knowledge. 

Quirky I hope the home front stuff is going okay. 

[quirkywords]

 Elves, yes I have people say let it go to me, yet they keep ruminating over issues while I listen and support them. So annoying.

Asdff I feel that whenI cry  or rant a bit I am getting stronger and not being a doormat while being kind and respectful.

If only was so not tired and busy.

[Airies]

I agree we are a pretty special bunch here without blowing the wind in our sails. I’m amazed but then again no , at the number of actors who were or are bipolar. Watching a Faye Dunaway documentary and she says she was described as being grumpy and difficult to work with at one stage and how medication stabilised her.

we’ve been doing a bit of culling,old photos and albums, we have stacks. I struggle to tear up, show emotion these days at all and it was photos of my wife that got to me. I kept a few for my wallet. Another pack of photos I didn’t want to see at my admission into hospital a number of years ago.I realise how lucky I am to be here and the hurt my family had suffered at the time and the ripple affect to this day.

[quirkywords]

Aries I think people here are kind and supportive. 

I read a book written by Patty Duke one of the first actors to admit to being manic depressive as it was then. She wrote a few books and went to be a spokesperson for bipolar.

[quirkywords]

How is everyone. I find the cold weather hard.

Does anyone find a change in the routine hard to cope with. I do and am surprised as how unsettling it is for me. 

[Airies]

6 degrees and hailing but the sun is out. I haven’t excercised as much with the weather and a number of medical issues  which for a normal person no impact but for me leave me unenthusiastic to do,things. I’ve spoken to my wife about it luckily she is supportive.