This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I am sorry for the way your dad behaves.

Velvet I am sorry you were taken advantage of.

I had a friend as a teenager who would ask me out with her because

I was so much plainer so I was no competition. She used me to go out with her the leave me at a party if she met up with a man.

I was so loyal took me months to see how I was being used.

Needless to say I stopped contact with her.

[velvetfaerie]

It's horrible when people emotionally abuse and use others for their own gain. We don't forget do we? Hurts.

Even though I vent here I'm definitely making progress with things. Those boundaries. Coming to terms with the way ex thing treated me.

It's a journey that's for sure.

I think my dog wants walkies. He's staring at me. I'm tired and sore as I did heavy weights session yesterday and trainer pushed the weights up. Hehe. Cheeky lad. He's a really nice young man actually.

OH MY muscles.

[quirkywords]

Not sure how people feel about Mother’s Day.

My family is 3 to 7 hrs away so I get a phone call.

decided to see Downton Abbey latest movie, was enjoyable , laughed and cried.

Velvet I feel this is a place to vent if needed but mostly I am on a steep learning curve .

kind thoughts to everyone.

[Lisa611]

Am posting to vent...was driving home from mother's day lunch with my girls and had a car accident. A truck hit me from the side. Am really annoyed and upset. The truck driver was a tool. At first he refused to give me his details. When the traffic response guys turned up he was more cooperative. Luckily I was driving really slow as all the cars were merging into the right lane. That's what I was doing when he hit me. Have rung insurance. What a pain in the arse.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

so sorry about the accident. Is the car repairable.

Are you ok..? Did you get checked out by the doctor..?

[Lisa611]

I think the car is fixable. The damage is on the right hand side at the back. I feel ok am just a bit worried about my back. I only had surgery 2 weeks ago. Am just grateful that I wasn't hurt. The truck was huge.

[velvetfaerie]

Lisa glad you're OK BUT do you need a check over for your back? In case?

What a jerk. If you were in front at the merge point, he's in the wrong. I hate the whole merge flex idiots do to feel bigger. GRRRR!!! Usually it's truck drivers, SUVs or 4X4 drivers. I'm being very judgey here Hhaha.

Ah mothers day. Wished mum a good one but this year's is kind of a nod and no more. Nana, mums mum, has been gone for 6 weeks so it's a bit raw still.

Just another day here.

[Airies]

Lisa, glad you are ok.As Velvet says it doesn’t hurt to get checked out. There are some absolute idiots on the road. I was brought up that the merging traffic had to give way to other traffic. I’m not a fan of driving at the best of times. Thankfully you sound ok.

Velvet, not judgmental,probably right on the money.My ankle/ foot gave way twice today. My fault for not keeping away from uneven surfaces. See my psych in a few days. It’s been a while.I’d like to have the discussion of cutting back on meds over time. My wife is not impressed. Anyway we shall see.

We travelled a number of hours and stayed in a dodgy hotel for relatives milestone birthday. I slept soundly my meds, a few beers and ear plugs. Slept mostly on the way back in the car. We weren’t driving. Functions like that or anything outside my normal routine take a lot out of me.

Do others find changes to routine taxing?

[velvetfaerie]

Changes in routine tire me out yes. Usually because I over think them. Haha.

Oh man one of my pet hates at merge points is people coming in to merge slow right down to merge with traffic travelling at 100km/hr. I'm talking a significant difference in speed. So dangerous and stupid. You merge AT the same or similar speed to the traffic..grr.

That's it. I am not driving to work tomorrow. I'm triggered. Ahhaha!!! HEHE.

I am about to take the dog for a little drive. He associates drives with bad events so we are going to get some fuel, have snacks, maybe go get some toys too.

[asdff]

Lisa I hope you are okay. Are you sore today?

I set a small boundary today with the one that doesn’t obey boundaries/thinks they don’t apply to him. My other siblings have paid work to go to, so he doesn’t harass them during the work week. Just the weekend. I already had a call with him on Saturday, he proceeded to tell me the same stuff he told me on Saturday. I have to take listening. After ten minutes I said look I have to go I have housework today. He says in a childlike voice okay. Then two hours later calls me back I with his theory on why I had to go. My Goodness I need to block your number during work hours. Like I said he respects my siblings but because I am at home I have to listen to the drivel?