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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,954 Replies 9,954

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff I get into trouble for asking questions to family.

I think our question sounds reasonable.

asdff
Community Member

Thanks Quirky, add into the mix teenage daughter. It’s heard enough for me to manage my moods without someone else on the roller coaster too. She is giving us grief at the moment. It’s all about clothes, changing style. I know she is developing into her sense of sense but can’t she do that with someone else? This one is headstrong. At times I think does she have BP? I’m 95% sure it’s just teenager behaviour but can she go somewhere else for the next few years? Even my Level headed husband has enough of her at times. Now, I was no Angel teen. I was a right pain in the bottom but I did apologise, I helped around the house. Plus the best part I was at my best friends house 75% of the time. This daughter of ours doesn’t enjoy sleepovers. Her best friend isn’t allowed them but our daughter doesn’t go and hangout at someone’s house to give us a break. Okay rant over.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff

I feel for you. it is tricky and tiring.

My mother said to me when I was a challenging teenager that she hoped one day I would have a child who caused me more pain than I caused her.

Needless to say my mum got her wish but did not live long enough to say I told you so.

Day 5 of brutal insomnia. It's work. I'm over it. The double standards and me hauling my backside when others do nothing.

I'm not going in today. I've emailed and told them what needs to be done and when. Such a shame they're all having a BBQ. We are so busy and understaffed they have time for a n extended lunch.

I declined the invite due to being busy. Now I've had to call in sick as I'm too fatigued to be safe driving and working.

You watch me get in trouble. I'll be penalised one way or another.

I'm too scared to ask for reasonable accommodations due to my condition. The ignorance they display is astounding for a bunch of medical researchers!!!!

I'm going to make a midnight snack. Coz I can.

Velevet

I am glad you are practicing self care and have taken yesterday off. I hope you managed to rest a bit.

It is sad that you feel you cant take time off when you are exhausted due to the hard work you do at work.

Big wave to Lisa, Aries, Velvet, asdff and to everyone reading. new people always welcomed.

Back home, good to be in my own bed.It was cold where we went, lots of rain.Lovely to see the rivers, dam and spillways in full flight. Catching up on posts. V you ate pretty quick to,think on your feet. Going through the doggy door and using the tool to open the latch. A clever broad and I mean that in the nicest way.

Today I went shopping for fishing gear.When I had my breakdown I sold it all. It’s taken me years and a visit to a lovely fishing village to rekindle the fire.I was like a kid at the candy store.What I couldn’t find , I’ve tried to get on EBay.Wife’s ok with it but I did get carried away.I liken it to part of my recovery. Halfway through the process of purchasing stuff at the shop I sort of blurted out about my breakdown blah blah blah only to be met by awkward silence and they didn’t know where to look. Sort of funny but not. I need to shut up sometimes and not share stuff.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Thought of you Quirky as I visited I few bookshops in our travels.Most driving I’ve done in years.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries,

I have been told I overshare too, but I think I just am open and honest.m

Quirky,

am much the same. It was the way I was brought up, and being an over sensitive and insecure child it has continued on into my adult life. I can blab on here as well but know we all get one another in a round about sort of way or are right on the money. As others are scratching their heads thinking he has lost the plot ….

I heard a funny one in the car … same paddock,different tent. I’ve never heard of that one.

My kids think I over share. Well the teen daughter does.

I thought of you today Airies. I was wanting to fill my day with buying things on eBay. I only bought one thing. A silicone baking tray. Something to use instead of aluminium foil.

Oh I hope the get away was awesome Airies!!! Same paddock different tent. That's cool ahhaah.

I don't shop much. Even online. It's only when I absolutely have to. Man thing, he's the shopper.