This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Oh Velvet that sounds like a cluster f&ck. I love that phrase, I hope they get their act together. Today it’s a raging day. I am outside trying to calm the beast. You know when you feel like you are chasing your tail? Doing things but not achieving things? That is me. Today and in general.

Wail, I hope you are feeling better today. You have had a rough couple of weeks. Airies, we actually got good weather today. All the beach goers were out this morning. I exercise indoors, I just saw them as I was leaving the gym.

[velvetfaerie]

All sorted. The staff know me and we sorted it. One particular young guy is very good to me. He said it's silly and makes no mathematical sense! I'm like RIGHT!?!.!

Lots of businesses are under the pump. I thought people were broke? Na. Everyone is here spending their money in this country. Businesses are generally making money hand over fist. Many businesses can't get staff. Why? They want all the experience and pieces of paper and pay minimum wage. Gotta be fair!! Covid is an excuse in many cases. (Note, I'm sure many businesses aren't doing so great but I struggle to think of any beyond hospitality. Even then many have adapted). *blank look of ignorance*

Anyway I have digressed hahaha.

Warm and sunny here. I even got a little colour yesterday! Rain tomorrow though.

I didn't gym today. I walked the mutt this morning when it was cooler. He's not very heat tolerant. He's a potato. Same colour!

Couch and doccos today for a while. Amazing how I now can slow down and rest and not be hectic hyper constantly.

Feels odd. I told all the people I know who are "normal" how boring they are. Haha.

[wail]

Mid morning and in company I had a massive case of the bipolar splits, oh yes I went too far and I blinded my company. Only compensation was the audience all have bipolar, my outburst was like 40 minutes and I could see myself having the crazies but I just couldn't stop it.

So it turns out Thursday and Friday I drank so much water to wash the vacc through my system and this may have lowered my medication values. That was the groups first meet up in months and I wish the pork chop didn't have to be me. I balanced the meds again at home and everything is better except the shame that goes with outbursts.

V. I am glad your meds are sorted. Aries this diet sounds interesting, I have been told fasting sharpens the mind. Quirky I really hope tomorrow is a fair day for us both. Asdff good to see you plugging away and staying healthy. To others, The best of healers is good cheer.

[quirkywords]

Wail,

the audience would have been so supportive and understanding .
There is no shame in being human.

Velvet I am glad things worked out for you.

[asdff]

Oh Wail. I want to hug you. We all get a bit ranty. Even those without bipolar.

[quirkywords]

i think I am queen of the rambling narrative which is a type of literary style . It is a polite way of saying I never get to the point of a story.

[wail]

I am to not to attend the next two bipolar group meets this is group policy- to let the dust settle. Hopefully we can all forget my outrage.

Last night my husband got nasty drunk because he has a GP visit today and his sugars and cholesterol are questionable. What a inconsiderate boob of a man he is and now he is hungover.

I had my nose straightened this morning, as the DR examined me the nurse rushed in with my file and put it before the DR with her pointer finger on something. The DR ignored her so she whispered near his ear 'patient has bipolar'. DR said thank you, I will not be needing assistance. As he cracked and then packed my big nose, he said 'That nurses anxiety condition does not bother me at all'. Then he continued my treatment and I found him to be such a terrific human. Awesome calm and informed DR s' are like striking gold. He made me feel that bipolar is an acceptable condition, echo an acceptable condition. Cheers

[velvetfaerie]

If they run blood tests on him they should be interesting Wail. Might show increased liver enzymes too ahhaha.

Hope the nose is ok. Gotta love judgemental people. She should know better!!!!!

I'm sure the bipolar meet people will understand what and why as well.

This place. Wow. Everyone on a fixed term contract got their contract renewed except one. She heard through gossip. She confronted the manager. Manager got upset due to gossip.

You know what stops gossip? Transparent and honest communication.

So the manager lied to the staff member again to her face.

This is only the beginning.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I agree full with that statement.

You know what stops gossip? Transparent and honest communication;

I find when dealing with volunteers we are seen as not the same as said people and so gossip starts. Treat people as humans and with respect and gossip ends.

Wail. That doctor sounds great . Years ago when I had pneumonia on all my records it had manic depression but it had nothing to do with my pneumonia, I felt i was always judged.

. I hoped people had changed. I hope that doctor is the rule but maybe he is the exception.

If your group is supportive it seems a little hard for you to miss two meetings. You had a perfectly reasonable reason.

Big wave to everyone, I wish there was a magic cure for excessive tirednes.

[velvetfaerie]

Volunteers are vital to many organisations who do good things. I've been a volunteer many times over the years for many places. If there was gossip I didn't notice haha.

Thing is at my work the so called gossip isn't gossip, it's fact. The girl who carries that area, works super hard while injured and does work back some days and doesn't get paid for it, while her 2 line managers do nothing. I mean nothing. Personal things. Playing on phones. Chatting. They threw the hard worker under the bus and haven't told her officially yet. They'll wait until the legal time frame which happens to fall 1 week before Christmas.

I am truly disgusted in my employer for this culture. It's a boys club. It's a toffy nosed arrogant place. Its circling the drain thanks to these attitudes. It's downhill from parliament literally and figuratively hahaha. It's already been dragged through the media. The executives making the workers pay for their exorbitant salaries and perks.

Anyway I'm almost awake. Hehe.

Society is circling the drain. It's gonna get worse.