This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Echo your sentiments re: Fathers Day Wail. I will be lighting a candle on special days. My brother fought in Aphganistan and I’m so proud of him. He’s my younger brother.

[quirkywords]

Wail I too echo your sentiments about Father’s Day.

I also think of all those who do not have a father in their lives for many reasons, those whose fathers have passed.

I have been watching the paralympics marathons and very emotional.

[asdff]

Quirky, Yes any time of stress I am impatient and irritable. I have made my everyday life as stress free as possible. I would say I am lucky as during times of full time work, I remember being very irritable. One place we had a conference room and I would curl up in a ball at lunchtime. If that room was available I would rest my head on my handbag in a food hall. Little did I know I was dealing with a mood disorder. My husband is a saint. He is a lighthouse, shining the light through the dark fog.

[quirkywords]

I think it must make a difference having a supportive partner something I have never had.
Asdff I used to hide in the toilets at school on the day the library was shut.
I found your description of how you coped with work using the conference room.

Aries your brother is real hero, I hope gets lots of support from the army.

[asdff]

Quirky, My husband is pretty special. I had to kiss a few frogs before I found Prince Charming. That is a saying my Mum used. Ha ha.

Airies, what a can of worms these Veterans deal with. Just trying to cope in everyday life is so difficult for them. If I think too much about it, I will cry. All I will say is thank you to our Veterans.

[quirkywords]

Asdff I kissed lots of toads and maybe a frog but no Prince Charmings.
then again I am no princess .
yes here’s to veterans, And all unsung hero’s who struggle everyday . So men medal winners out there who never get on the podium but the fact they keep going is so amazing.

[wail]

Does fathers day feel like an emotional day? To me it does, I made my father in law an omelette for his breaky. My husband and I went for our walk and as a young man pushing a pram came by, I wished him ' happy fathers day.' My husband regrets that I acknowledge strangers, tis' my nature.

Congratulations to Aries for your brothers safe return. Asdff I love how you described your husband today, nice to see love is in the air. On the subject of supportive partners, I like to think mines does what he can when he can. For me it is better to have less emotional attachment that way no one can really get hurt. That chestnut is a self protective pattern. Probably why having a dog would be weird for me and good day to you guys... Cheers

[quirkywords]

I find when both people in a relationship have emotions and mental health issues but only one acknowledges their issues, it is quite exciting.

[wail]

And another week begins with covid, it is difficult for a lot of people, I guess I took my former freedoms for granted. Having bipolar has taught me to expect the unexpected and to wait out the troubles. I was not ready to experience covid and yet my bipolar life has some what prepared me for this.

Yesterday my newest lot of preemie crochet wears was returned due to covid, they must be over worked with staying covid safe and unable to handle extra products. Which made me think aren't the young women and men a brave bunch to continue procreating during this covid time. It made me feel very grateful to them for continuing to grow our society.

Today I will email a preemi group interstate and see if I can send them my crochet goods. I crochet a lot and have begun making lace capes for the xmas market. I can never make enough capes, they are a one size fits all and this makes for a perfect gift.

I know it may be another covid xmas but I am going to hope for the best. This faith I extend to all the people living with bipolar for a better day. Cheers

[quirkywords]

M

My mum used to love to crochet and even though I dont have anything that she crocheted I have a beautiful hand crocheted blanket that a woman from a bush fire relief gave me last year. It has given me comfort when I needed it and it remains a cherished possession.

That is lovely you are crocheting for premmies . Your capes sound amazing, what material do you use.