This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wail]

And just like that my bipolar wind changes, firstly a neighborhood stabbing, God help their mothers... Secondly my husband is obsessing which causes mistakes which causes temper tantrums. So I go out and thirdly I see school kids on excursion and one child is being harassed and then I see a dog in a warm car. And boom it feels like an incendiary has gone off in my head and I am dazed. About one meter squared all around me hurts. I am stuck in my bipolar shock wave.

In my bag I carry Post-it notes I write animal cruelty and I put it on the windscreen. My husband hates that I must do this and I have been caught but I do it anyway, anything to try and make it better. Yes I am an overgrown deranged girl scout. I walk until I see a bus and I want to go somewhere anywhere out of here.

The bus driver is friendly, he can see me and I am crying he rings my husband and I am collected. My husband asks me if I want to go swimming but I just want to come home. Thank you for having this forum, I feel ashamed for monopolizing it, I feel ashamed that others here will be exposed to my sickness and yet I feel relieved to be able to put my bipolar stuff somewhere away from those who expect me to behave. Thank you for understanding. M

[asdff]

Quirky, I am similar to you in a low. I am finding more and more I am on the couch to manage my moods. I am terrible with snacking.

Up and Down that name is the epitome of my life. I thought everyone had roller coaster moods. Oh no, that is just us bipolar folks. Well everyone does have ups and downs. We just feel them more intensely and frequently. Plus according to my psychologist, everything biochemical will affect our moods. No wonder when one of my children is cranky, I can’t cope. I feel like no, I’m the moody one. I’m the one that cries lots. Lucky my children are pretty even tempered, for now. My BIGGEST fear is I have passed this sh&t of a disease onto them.

someone asked back further how come I got diagnosed so young? I don’t think I was young. I was 37. I presented to my psychologist when in lows. Then she said I want to see you more frequently. I did. Then I got the diagnosis. It’s very hard to diagnosis what we have: it usually takes ten years. My psychologist and I got it in 9 years. 9 years of seeing the same psychologist. I can imagine others would chop and change professionals, plus life gets busy. You don’t see the same psychologist. A perfect storm.

[quirkywords]

wail

please you are an important part of the forum and never feel shame. This is a safe and supportive thread and your posts are very honest and helpful.

I wish I could leave post it notes.

I hane what I call microwave moments full of self loathing and sadness that last 5-10 minutes but are on the highest heat,

Cool is something I have never been called.

I like listening to stories here was we can be open . Last year I cried at my volunteer work at op shop as they wanted me to wear a name badge of a different name as they didnt have a name badge for me but I didnt want to. I had lost so much in the fires so I just cried in front of about 5 volunteers who thought I was a sook an un cooperative. It sounds silly but it was important to me.

[Airies]

Wail, always welcome and far from monopolising it. There’s room for everyone here. I was a scout for a day. My older brother thought it would be good to build my confidence up. I went, it was a pie night and I never went back. I was happy just reading my books tucked away in a corner.

Asdff , I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression after heartbreak with IVF. I was on meds for years functioned and was seeing the same psych until he shut shop and moved to a big city. Depression and other mental health run through my family history.
I chopped and changed psychs through the private system and have seeing my current one for a number of years.She doesn’t mince words but I do want to try and reduce my meds. My wife is not wrapped in the idea. I can understand her concerns but I’d like to try . Fathers Day Sunday , so I do love a decent sponge

[quirkywords]

asdff

I have a friend whose 2 of 3 children had depression but neither of parents had it.

I knew a community speaker who had bipolar and one of her 4 children did. Another person I know had 3 children and none had bipolar.

I think it luck of the drawer.

[asdff]

I got it from my Dad’s side. I thought it was my Mum’s as most of them have depression. None with bipolar though. Through speaking to a cousin on Dad’s side. When I said I had it, she said I might have it. My Dad has it, my Uncle. My psychologist thinks my Dad has it.

[quirkywords]

my grandad when he was 90 said to my mum 6that my mental problems must come from my dads side as they had nothing like that from his side!!!

Mind you pop who I adored told my mother when she had a nervous breakdown as they called them in the 1960s he and his wife couldnt afford to have a breakdown. Different attitudes different times.

On boths sides back a few generations nothing duagnosed but my dad, my sibling and his child all have ADHD but dad and my sibling never diagnosed.

wail my new name is cool cat quirky thanks you!!

[asdff]

Quirky, like those British signs that say Keep Calm and Carry On. They didn’t have Autism diagnosis then either. People were just labelled “Odd”. I know I have an extended family member that was labelled “Odd” in those times. Now diagnosed as autistic. If he was diagnosed in these times, he would have a much easier time.

[Lisa611]

When I had my first episode 21 years ago the psych I saw in hospital said I'd had a nervous breakdown. In hindsight I was probably manic and psychotic. Am glad we have a more developed understanding of mental health these days.

[quirkywords]

Lisa and everyone

in the 45 years since I was diagnosed so much has happened in attitudes.
I hope no one says today to a young person who is depressed that they are too young and too fat to be depressed because in the 1970s only old thin people apparently got depressed!

Back then people were ignorant now some people feel they know everything about bipolar after reading one article on Facebook,,