This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Guest9337]

G'day All.

My mania is a welcome relief from the lows. Can actually care about things and do stuff.

I cried and laughed at the same time a week back or so, felt very weird.

I hadn't really thought of seeking out an face to face support group until I read Lisa611 had done so, thanks for that sharing Lisa611.

[Lisa611]

Quirky - congratulations on the new grandchild!!

The psych agreed to up the antidepressant but he said there was a risk of serotonin overload or the possibility of mania. I am going to take the risk. I am feeling better but I'm not quite there yet. Hopefully the increase in meds will do it. I never realised just how low I was until I was in hospital. My psych said I appear brighter and more animated today which is good. I never knew the difference between bipolar 1 & 2. Apparently bipolar 1 is only when you experience mania and bipolar 2 is when you experience mania and depression. I told my psych that I'm thinking about telling my principal that I have bipolar. He said it depends on how supportive I think she is. She has been supportive throughout this depressive episode but she thinks it's only depression. I want to tell her in case I get sick again or relapse.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

that is an interesting definition. About ten years ago the head of black dog institute said both bipolar 1 and 2 have mania and depression but one has pyschodis and the mood swings are more debilitating.

another top psych told me that if the episodes disrupt your life in a big way that is bipolar 1.

I was diagnosed with manic depression over 45 years and strictly I have never been diagnosed with bipolar .

To me if the experts can’t agree does it matter, I think I maybe 1.5. I think if we are listened to and treated with respect, we can be helped no matter what number we are.

[Airies]

Quirky, congratulations on becoming a grandparent and a new grandchild. Is that the first? I think your last paragraph captures it so so well. I get confused by all the jargon about it . I know I’m type 1 and NQR .

V, is there a possibility of another dog. I know the pounds have dogs and maybe one ideally suited for you. My dogs throughout my married life have come from breeders.This dog may become our last, depends on how old and frail I become. Another cold , but dry day here in Vic so another few hours on the bike. The cars and trucks appear to be coming closer. School holidays as well. I’m hardly in a capital city but it’s becoming hairy. I’m sitting here eating sultanas and nuts. I’d like to loose some more weight but struggling.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

[Lisa611]

Quirky I don't have the erratic mood swings. I either have a manic episode or a depressive episode. When I'm high I'm very high and when I'm low I'm blah. Am hoping that I am stabilising. Dr said the full effects of the meds haven't kicked in fully yet.

[quirkywords]

Airies no 3, but last two in 9 .

what is NQR.?

[velvetfaerie]

Wow no idea where my post went.

No time to retype.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

sorry about that.when I lose writing I have written it is usually something I was happy with.

I don’t seem to lose my typo filled writing!!

How are you? thanks for dropping by.

[Guest9337]

I feel so cold this morning, my hands are aching from the cold.

Holding a hot coffee is bliss.

I feel balanced today, neither angry or sad, neither determined nor accepting, just somewhere in the middle.

[Airies]

Quirky, NQR is not quite right. I hopped on the scales. I haven’t lost a thing. It’s demoralising when I’m excercysing hours a day. I know it gets harder as one ages but I’m tired , feeling flat but there’s worse dramas going on in the world but I find it’s all about me.Do others find their focus is about them.?

David and Goliath, welcome aboard , sounds like Gilligans Island . Coffee and feeling balanced that’s the way to go. It is cold. Been for a walk and will drag this tired bod to play Russian roulette with cars , trucks and people. I wish the rest of Winter was like this weather wise, cold sunny and still. Obviously it won’t happen.