This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Acceptance I guess. Apathy. Chocolate. Probably the best way to handle it. I understand being left out. People tend to do that to others they don't understand, or are jealous of.

Feeling and being.... that is something to ponder on.

V

[Airies]

Velvet and Quirky, you articulate it so well. My family try or maybe they’re tired of trying to get me but it’s hard work just being me. The hurdles, daily challenges, small stuff being big, big stuff being small. I’m dreading Xmas, cant be stuffed but like we do put on a brave face and get through it. It used to be simple once. The innocence of being young or maybe we forget as to what it once was. In a few years another milestone birthday. I hope to get there, I’m ok but it’s tiring, so so tiring. Could do with chocolate. Cadbury have run a great add with the little girl putting her tokens on the counter and getting chocolate for her mum ... rather cute

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Be kind to yourself at Christmas.

can you pace the day. Have a plan B to remain calm even when stressed.

I have two social outings this week and I don’t want to go but pressure from partner.
velvet and aries go chocolate.

[velvetfaerie]

Pacing self is the plan. And breaking it up over the days, not just one day. This helps me not feel rushed and tired, which leads to me not being very happy!

I just want to not feel pressure or obligation to anyone else, except myself and my relationship. That is it.

My work Christmas lunch was fun. The day after, not so much.

V.

[quirkywords]

Yes pacing is important and timing.

I hope you some more Christmas fun. velvet

asdff if you are reading I hope you are looking after yourself and not feeling too pressured.

[Airies]

Asked my wife when Xmas day was. I really do loose track of time. A few more people have pulled out of coming over for Xmas. Takes some of the pressure off. Mind you I don’t do much, nervous eating etc and in the past started packing up early.

Thinking of you all.

[asdff]

Hello my BP Peeps, I liked what I was reading, I always comment. I am not a lurker, I am either on the forum or not. Sounds like BP. Ha ha.

I am glad Velvet is back and in therapy with man thing. In response to Quirky I socialise. I am good at it, when in the right frame of mind.

I am okay, chugging along to Christmas. Kids are excited. Parents are exhausted. Isn’t that the usual story? For those in a non family unit. I get it, I feel you. For those missing a loved one this Christmas I feel you. Christmas can be a mixed bag. Stress and the rest. I will read more and then post.

[quirkywords]

asdff

glad you are chugging along. I think children eaither excited or complaining not much in between!!

[asdff]

Quirky two hours into School Holidays, I got In bored. I listed around ten things for them to do. They replied with boring to each of them. My reply I’m not here to provide entertainment for you. Ha ha. They found something to do.

Airies, I find it easier with less people on Christmas Day. I do not cope well with hosting. It has been ages since we have hosted. I think other families prefer it at their house. Fine by me. I bring the required food. We don’t drink booze so don’t need to bring that.

[quirkywords]

asdff

my mother used to say only boring people get bored. I was never to say that word to my mum or she would give me a chore!!