This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

asdff I feel for you . If it’s not one thing it’s another. You come across as a great parent. Luckily for my children my wife is the role model , mentor you name it. I’m a shadow of ,y former self. I’m finding her return to work hard as I was so used to her being here due to Covid. I’ve just received a text from a friend telling me regarding the passing of a former work colleague. Am I selfish in thinking I don’t care? It’s like little triggers I don’t need reminders about work, work mates ... I’m moving on

[quirkywords]

Aries, do you miss your routine. i miss mine.

I used to say when i dont have my shop I will .. and list a lot of th9ings. Due to fires and covid and o0lder age I feel blah, nah, dont feel like that, I will make another cup of tea!!

[Airies]

My routine is simple, boringly so, survival I guess. I used to miss a sense of purpose, no I still do to a degree. Aware I’ve become old in a short space of time. Oh to be young again and have the wisdom of youth. Camomile tea for me before bed

[asdff]

Off we go to Surgeon in a few minutes. Everything is crossed we can actually afford what he is going to recommend. I am having major anxiety about it. Thank goodness my level headed husband is coming along. I have a revelation today about me panicking about money. I remembered my Mum having to put items back at the supermarket register. When I was a kid, not once either. I remember her shopping at Foodbank too. I’m not sure if that’s what it was called back then. Wish us luck.

[asdff]

Thanks Airies everything my Husband and I do is for our children. They aren’t spoilt, they have jobs to do. I guess they are spoilt with love and our presence. I hope we don’t have to wait ages in the waiting rooms. My friend has taken her child to this place and they had to wait three hours. I don’t have the patience to wait that long. It’s not like the G.P. Where you can ring and ask are they running behind. This surgeon operates out of these rooms, so surgical patients get put before new patients. Everything is crossed.

[quirkywords]

asdff hope the appointment went well. If it seems to much can you ask for another apopointment.

Your children are very lucky to have 2 loving parents who like spending time with them,

[asdff]

Waaaaaayyyy more money than I expecting. I had major anxiety after reading the quote. I cried the whole way home. Daughter is getting wisdom teeth out as well as the ten million other things. I never thought this would be such a costly process. Yes, maybe $10,000 worth but we will be over that by a lot. I don’t do well with paying large sums of money. It makes me want to get a job to pay for it. My husband had to keep reminding me he could not do what he does without me.

[quirkywords]

I meant to say I have to have a lot of dental work and I got a second quote and I am glad I did.

Unless this dentist surgeon (not sure of right name) is one you know and trust or have been recommended.

You have a very important job, your family could not functionas well as it does wothout you organising everyone and pallning.

[Airies]

Asdff, your husband is right. He can’t do it without you . Sounds like an oral surgeon. My kids had the same wisdom teeth removed and then braces. It’s worth it in the end. I had braces as an adult and surgery beforehand. Number of quotes and I wish I had looked after my teeth when young. Not only are you an Amazing mum, you come across as an amazing caring person as well

[asdff]

Airies it is an oral surgeon, then the orthodontist is doing the braces. She is having four wisdom teeth out. Along with surgical extraction of the canine teeth and some gold bonding thing. Thank you so much for the compliments, I am an amazing caring human and mother. I can’t recognise those things in myself and need other people to tell me that. My psych thinks it is bizarre. Speaking of psych I am off to see her today. Perfect timing.

Our daughter is very lucky. Some of what I was crying about was if I needed surgery like that as a child there is no way I would have gotten it. When my Mum and Step Dad got together, as I was on there health cover they did get my wisdom teeth taken out. I was a uni student, still under their cover.

Husband and I only have hospital and ambulance cover. Husband did the math on having too insurance cover. It worked out better for us to save that money for the years and pay it up front. So it doesn’t help when people say doesn’t health insurance cover that? You wouldn’t get all of it back if you had too cover anyway. In our case we will only get the hospital admission fee back.