This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Congrats Airies!!!! I accidently missed that!!!
I think I drink too often at times. I can't handle many though in one sitting.


How on earth can anyone handle full time work, lions share of domestic things, helping older relatives, and heaven forbid wanting to do some things for yourself occasionally??
This is my reality soon and I have already lost it twice trying to get it through to people I cannot do it. I can't. I have already burnt out on less!! More than once!!!

People are so Damn lazy and entitled it makes me sick.

[asdff]

Velvet, I agree some people are bloody lazy. Speaking to my Mum she said I’m so tired from doing everything today. Then listed the stuff. Two things that peeved me and I told her. There are two step nieces one lives with them. One does not. So the one that does not live with them. The cat is missing, yes I love animals too but Mum you aren’t recovering from surgery. Your husband has cancer let this adult aged child look for the cat herself. Second moment she said I cleaned the second bathroom. Do you know who uses that bathroom? Step Dad and Step Niece. I said Step Niece should be cleaning that bathroom. I did way more at home, when I was her age. So there you have it lazy selfish people.

[velvetfaerie]

I gather these nieces have been pandered to all their lives hence are happy to sit accordingly.
I can't. If I see the man doing a job... I follow and do the complementing job such as mopping as he vaccuums.

Using ones initiative is a lost art these days.

I think it's time to find food for dinner.

[asdff]

More like these nieces were left to their own devices from a young age. Hence they were both meant to be in the care of my Mother and Step Father. The eldest now lives on her own, so has rent inspections. She does the cleaning for that.

[quirkywords]

Velvet,
it is hard when you work so hard and are efficient others except t even more from you.

asdff your family sounds very interesting and complicated.

[asdff]

Quirky, it’s a nightmare. You wonder why I chose a man that would be stable? So I could raise my future family within a stable environment. I had to go and see a different psychologist when pregnant with my second child. I wasn’t under my current psychologist regularly. It really grated and annoyed me that my step sister had those two children that she wasn’t looking after and my Mum and Step dad had to step up to the plate. That really pressed my buttons. Especially as it was my Mum. I knew I would need her help. Really if we are honest, I’ve done it without her. My step sister had the opportunity to terminate the second child but she is epitome of selfish. Now guess what her first born is pregnant at 18! I made my Mum and Step Dad promise they won’t raise their great grandchild. Ha ha I can see it now. Step Dad already battling cancer. My Mum has had two strokes due to stress, then this Step Niece won’t be able to manage her baby and ask them to help. I’ve seen it all before. Notice how I say Step as my brother and I are raising our own children.

I am hanging out for my psych appointment tomorrow. I have so much to talk about.

[velvetfaerie]

One does ponder how such selfish values were instilled.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Velvet I think some think they are entitled not selfish. Mr quirky no 2 felt he was entitled to do nothing have me run a business and then spend all the money.

asdff it is good you have some you can trust with your psychologist.
I need a break from counselling after 6 weeks wonder if I am getting anywhere beyond chatting. Am I being impatient..?
I hope appointment goes well on Thursday.

Aries I admire the way you exercise even when you don’t want to.

quirky

[velvetfaerie]

People are just horrid. This is why I extremely selectively social.

Impatient? No. I at times found psychology appointments to be overpriced gossip sessions. Or maybe things weren't sinking in for me. Haha.

I would love to go on a cycling expition with Airies. I reckon we would have a blast.

Burnout isn't fun. I've made a self promise for today to get something done I wanted. Even if it is a little thing.

[quirkywords]

I get more out of volunteering at the local op shop than I do from counselling.