This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

So who got the job?
Someones mate? Partner?
Happens all the time.
They follow the rules and laws and policies... tick the boxes then hand it to someone's partner.
Happens at my work so much, when they're actually hiring ahhahaa.

[quirkywords]

Velvet and asdff

I agree so many times the job advertised has already gone to someone already with the compay.

Asdff I did the mum thing and then got a part time job as a teachers aide special at my childrens school. I volunteered in the library and was asked to work in the unit. I loved it. then did the study thing to become a teacher .

When people ask how are you?, do you say fine or ok even if you are not because most people do not want to know.

[asdff]

No one got the job. It was not advertised. I don’t want to give away too much.

[asdff]

Quirky it’s usually I’m good and really I’m not. I will tell some people. Just before diagnosis I would only have to see the people at school that actually cared and I would cry. I didn’t even need to speak or for them to speak. It was rather embarrassing. Especially for my children. Well one of them. I remember a boy in his class asking why is your Mum crying. I couldn’t tell you why. I was just so depressed. With no answer as to why I was depressed.

[Airies]

Used to be so more compassionate when young. Now a grumpy bugger.Asdff turned up for dentist, drs on wrong day. We all make judgements, hard on ourselves. Therapy has helped me. Friends I’ve a couple yet I used to be a social butterfly and it all revolves around work. Quirky i was the dorky skinny kid who wore glasses. I loved to read, would read a book in a day a weekend, not eat, often rereading a book. Loved my time working in libraries. Now try and read an e book. I read here.
I don’t miss the job market, jobs for the boys and the crap associated with that. My world out of necessity has become small, so so small but im so glad it includes all of you. How are people adjusting to daylight savings? the longer days? i need to walk .

[asdff]

Airies, no daylight savings in W.A. I’m glad. I think it would affect my moods. My children are back at school today. Hooray. That affects my moods too as it’s a change in routine. I am learning to just take it easy on the first few days back. Otherwise I will end up in a mess. My daughter finishes Primary School this term. Someone needs to organise the Graduation Party. I don’t want to as I will end up at the bottom of the well from it. I can do some of it but not all of it as I will get depressed from it. It’s bizarre how my moods are so touchy. I do well with routine and pretty rigid routines. How about you all? Routine or flying by the seat of your pants? In my younger days I would be fun, I could pack up and go on holidays quickly on a whim. Now, no no no.

[Airies]

Asdff it’s been a hell of a year. I take my hat off to you and other parents juggling children at this time. I get you and your moods. I have the odd outburst otherwise it’s just beige for me, boringly so. Routine yes rigid here . I can forecast same same week in week out. Admittedly I haven’t the stresses of raising a family. I’m lucky to have a great wife. I would be stuffed, I really would without her. Am I correct in saying your diagnosis is fairly recent. We are so hard on ourselves. So so hard. Try and be kind to yourself . If I could hug you I would. Graduation Party for primary, things have certainly changed. My son and his girlfriend made a big announcement. An upcoming wedding. Chuffed , a glass of sparkly didn’t agree with me. Alcohol even a little bit and my meds don’t mix. He’s doing the old fashioned thing and asking her dad for permission. We did ok bringing him up .Asdff I overthink everything often to the point of getting nowhere

[velvetfaerie]

I am a routine girl. Hate the changes. But then I'll do the pant fly no problem. It really depends on my mood.

When I go back to work I will struggle with routine change.

[asdff]

Congratulations to your son Airies. That is lovely news. No alcohol here. My meds and alcohol don’t mix. Not that I’ve tried but I’ve been told they don’t.

I think it’s been three years since diagnosis.

[quirkywords]

Velvet like you, I like routine. That is why this year without my normal routine has been hard.Establishing new routine is ok.

Aries congratulations.

I think I have bee ndiagnosed longer than velvet or asdff have been alive, I am feeling old !