This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Honestly I am not sold on another chance. I am being amicable given he has no where to go and he has paid to live here for the now.
Once both rested I will be assessing.
Kind of repulsed by him at the moment..
Maybe that's it. Broken now.

Oh maybe I need to vaccuum. 😄

[quirkywords]

Hello all

asdff

I agree people who like playing victim are tiring and I find it can be do hard to talk or write to them as everything seems to trigger them.

[asdff]

Quirky they need to help themselves. We all have problems. Well all of us Bipolar peeps have problems. I wish I had a t-shirt that said I've got a mood disorder and I showed up! Somedays as you all know it's damn to hard to show up. I've been to family Birthday parties with Hubby driving and I am crying on the way.

I can't wait for my pysch appointment on Monday. It falls on an inconvenient day. As the children have a Pupil Free Day. My husband took the day off thinking we could all spend the day together. I need this appointment so he can hang with the kids or we can all hangout after it. I've got a bag full of emotional baggage. Figuratively and literally. I have a bag of childhood photos. Amazing that images can take you back to those good times. That then turned crappy!!!!!!!!!! You can even see in some of them, my happy go lucky brother is struggling. Like the one just before we were sent to live with our Dad cross country for 4 months. We didn't know it would be 4 months at the time. He wanted us forever. We hated it so much that we go to go home.

[velvetfaerie]

Problem is, those types of folks are narcissistic and thrive on the "poor me" attention. Losers.

Ah pupil free day. That means school holidays are almost over? I hope the appointment goes well asdff. As well as they can. They're so exhausting aren't they? Even if cathartic .

Thanks for listening everyone. I appreciate your support. Always have.

MUST be time for dinner. Haven't eaten much in 2 days.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Velvet We are all here for each other.

i am at my sons place but I feel alone as m dilaw and son seem so happy with their granddaughter there is no place for me. I am grateful but alone in the spare room I feel lonely .
velve

[asdff]

Ohhh Quirky, is there any way ou could get involved? Like offer to look after Grand daughter while they go on a coffee date or something?

I'm tired. I have had 5 days days off gym but went back yesterday. Two more days till school goes back. Back to my routine.

[velvetfaerie]

Hugs to you
Quirky. How are things now? Are us BP folks predisposed to loneliness?
I am a bit tired and stuff today. Went out with work people yesterday and had a few brews.
I hope to maybe have another nap today ahaha.
Maybe cake. O.0

[quirkywords]

Thanks asdff and velvet,

I am ok just was having a moan. I am so grateful o be involved in her life.

[asdff]

Velvet, I would say yes, us BP folks are predisposed to loneliness. I am off to a small child Birthday party at a play area. Does that sound like a nightmare? Sometimes it is. The noise, the lights. I hope I am okay. Sometimes it is really fun for me. Probably when hypomanic. Days like today, it could be hardwork.

[velvetfaerie]

Ahhahaha asdff.... fun? At times it would be yes. Mayeb as you say when hypomanic.
Today, for me, no. Hangover. 😂😂
Headache. Tired. dizzy. Thankfully not nauseas. Had too much fun yesterday and now paying the price. Least we, yes he as well, got some house stuff done before my headache kicked it up a notch.😂😂😂😂