This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone, please feel free join in,

Tams I suppose I wanted children because my mum told me I shouldn’t not as she would not have had any if she had known I would have had manic depression as it was way back then. So husband and mum said no children, I wanted 6 so steeled for three! sad but true.

I am imagining you dressed and playing like Susie Quattro is that close?

Aries, great to hear from you. I have had a label since I was 16 and still am not at peace with it.

i am a bit of a hermit, open shop close shop then sleep. Going out takes a huge effort as does going away. I am glad you like exercise , I do a walk a day but that’s about it.

V, I am seeing you and Tams in a girl rock band.

Loula, hi how are you going? I will show my age and ignorance Who is Kayne West?

i can remember way back in the 1970s that the only people with manic depresiion(bipolar) were not living Vivien Leigh and Churchill , except for Spike Milligan.

Please join in our chat even if it is just to say hi. We are friendly and welcoming.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I have been in an all girl band.... was the least bitchy one of them all believe it or not!

Suzie Q.... na I am way taller, by easily a full foot, and a size 14, way less petite HAHA. I have the attitude thing though.

3 kids.... urgh HOW do you manage?

My work colleague here - who is a good mummy to two young boys - 5 and 3. She seems to think my BFs midget is looking for a female role model, as at home i am thinking she isn't socialised with much. Her mother and older sister seem to be on one team, while her and her dad are on the other team. Sad really.

V.

[quirkywords]

My children are all in their 30s so no longer children and I think you forget the hard parts!!

That is sad about taking sides.

It is funny with life choices, I thought I would save the world and never get married or have children. I had a friend at university had a dream to get married and have children but she had career , has several houses and now travels the world.

I was the one everyone thought would be a leader a mover and shaker and she was destined to be married.

How we all got it wrong.

When I read about people at school worrying about their future, I want to say prepare for change. Have fun.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Most of the girls I went to school with who were touted as being academic high flyers..... did nothing along those lines!!! Most settled down.

My dream was music and/ or animals Got close to music but it’s a cut throat industry. Animals done ✅. Always wanted to adopt kids. Never keen on marriage- unless I was gold digging hahaha. TBH I’ve accomplished, or close to, all I wanted to do. Still want to do more though.

I have had bad night sleep. Head hurts. Exhausted. Not sure I want to go to work. Feel bad if I don’t.

V.

[Loula]

I never ever wanted kids or to get married and ended up marrying my high school sweet heart at a young age lol! Did accomplish 1 big dream I wanted to move away from the small little bubble town I was from and go some where big and exciting which I have. I just didn’t want to you know stay in the same place have the house with the white fence and my kids go to the same school as me. If I have children I want them to know how big the world really is and give them every opportunity in life.

im starting to really want to have children now to the point I cry when I see people walk past me with New borns. But I got a few health issues that I need help on and I’m coming to the age of get onto it soon. But my husband won’t go there with me as he thinks I’m to unwell. I’m happy to adopt though but it’s a nightmare and even though my husband and I can look financially after a kid it won’t be good enough for the government. So it’s tricky.

I love drawing. That’s what I do. And I love learning strange things and trying to find beauty in the world.

Worst day at work today. Got a new girl who talks down to me like I’m making mistakes and she’s above me and she’s my boss. Ummm don’t mess with me I know what I’m doing. I make less mistakes in a week then you in a day!!! And she’s so messy and if I have a messy moment she screams and tells everyone about it. I’m on the verge of punching her!!!

I literally got so mad at work today I ignored everyone that talked to me and walked off. They have never seen me do that before. I just don’t know if I can do it and my husband and doctors and friends are like you can do it and husband is like you need to do it and I’m like I’m going to scream! Listen to me!!!

[quirkywords]

hello everyone,

V that is great you have accomplished most of what you wanted to do.

Loula, What do you like to draw. I was not on medication when I had children but I was ok for several years. It must be hard for you but hopefully they will get the right mix of medication for you.

That woman at work sounds very annoying. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Quirky

[Loula]

I love drawing tattoo pinup styles. I love bold lines and bright bright colours. I have a massive thing with everything being colourful. My bf who’s an art teacher is trying to teach me water colours to control shading and new techniques but then I’m like I like bright colours so he buys me a pack of intense colours lol and good paper for them haha.

With me having kids I also have endo and PCOS besides being medicated so it’s a tricky one. I have been pregnant once before but didn’t know until it was to late out in the middle of the sea 10 meter waves where the doctor shakes what is my baby 9 weeks in jar telling me not to cry it’s nothing look at it it’s nothing and I was the reason my baby died due to the tablets I took. I spoke to 3 other doctors including mine who has non stopped told me she was incorrect. Horrible doctor!!!!!

This woman is actually just nasty. Very rude. My gut feeling is that’s she’s going to be big trouble. I’m going to try stay far away from her.

Having a crashing day today. I’m angry and crying. Might eat some ice cream. Hopefully the doctors can figure out something soon for me.

[Loula]

Just getting ready for work beyond dreading it. Hopefully I don’t kick anyone. But then again. My hubby is trying to put funny imagery of scenes from tv shows and movies in my head to focous on when the black lighting cloud comes.

I also planted a garden on the weekend. Doctor said activities are healthy. So it looks beautiful and is all those plants that are very hard to kill so now what do I do? It’s way to cold to sit out side with them. Anyone got an activity?

[quirkywords]

hello everyone

Loula, that is so horrible what the doctor said.

The drawing sounds wonderful and am so glad you like it. I am not sure what a tattoo pinup style is but it sounds fascinating.

I hope today is a better day for you.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I love the pin up tattoo style! Fantastic stuff. Loula - hopefully I don't kick anyone today either. I have had enough. I am trying to juggle a lot with my job, and the lack of team work and communication has peeved me right off. Then to life in general, trying to juggle so many things and I am utterly exhausted.

I am sick of my friends having no interest in me apart from telling me all about their crap, or needing help etc etc. None would have any clue about anything in my life right now. The good, the bad, the ugly. Any of it.

That doctor wants a kick Loula ! Talk about traumatising a person!!!!!!!!!!!

My activity these days is exercise. I have lost my music. Reading. Most things. I can't focus any more.

Hey its nearly the weekend at least!?

V.