This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Loula]

Its so weird having energy and wanting to do stuff but also wanting to hide in the house.
I’m guilty of making plans with friends and canceling because I get so overwhelmed. I have found just doing something with one friend and closer to home makes it easier.
Im 100% all or nothing. I’m not wasting my time regardless when I’m sick or stable.
I know it can be bad but sometimes we just need a drink lol! As we all know we just need to be careful.
I think we need simulation when we are cycling and we need to use the energy positive other wise it turns negative on us.

I just need to live with the side effects. Another really hard day at work. I’m getting so close to yelling at people.

im glad I’m not the only one that feels high and low at the same time.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Paul thanks for your kind words.

I was diagnosed with manic depression and have never been diagnosed with bipolar so I dont know if I am 1 or 2.

I actually liked the name manic depression as it was descriptive .

Do you think names matter? Does it help having a label?

I was labelled at 16 but then was in denial till my early 30s.

Is it more beneficial to be diagnosed earlier or later?

For me being diagnosed early was not helpful as there was little information or back up support back in the 70s.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I have been low the last few days. I just don't feel very wanted by people in my life unless I serve a purpose. Big outsider. I am pretty sure I am not alone in these feelings. Maybe it is a bipolar thing.

I also realise PMS and associated physical discomfort won't be helping me much either.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I sometimes feel that the only time friends or family would contact me was when they needed something .

Now this is not true all the time but I do keep in touch with people regularly.

I am not sure this is exclusive to bipolar as I have friends who feel the same way.

Velvet I am sorry you have been feeling low. Are things ok with your b/f as I thought that was going well.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

BF and I are ok. Nothing has happened that is bad. I think the last few weeks of all the changes and huge events have spiked something is all.

Trigger?

V.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Who looks forward to winter?

.I know we have talked about the different seasons.

I know people who love the cold winter nights.

The only thing I like about winter is the food, warm soups, hot drinks and puddings!

The only thing I liked about skiing was après skiing.

People used to say how can you be depressed in summer, well I can.

Velvet hope June is a better month for you?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I am trying. I feel so low. I have put so much effort and time into helping/supporting etc a few of my closest people out and I have forgotten myself. They have forgotten me too, I feel.

I feel like i belong no where and I am nothing.

Struggle town. Work has been hard this week. Well, everything is hard at the moment. I just don't feel well.

V.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone especially those not doing so well,

Velvet, I am sorry you are feeling so low.

That is so hard when you try so hard to help people close to you but end up needing help yourself. However you look around and it seems like there is no one out there with time and energy for you.

People say remember boundaries but with a close friend or family member it is very hard.

When you had a break from this forum you were missed .

Can you get some time on the weekend doing what will help you?

People here care and support for you.

Please be gentle with yourself . I know you work very hard with your job without a break for ages , and you are very compassionate and supportive person.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

**tears** Thank you quirky. I just feel odd. I think getting into the sunshine today will help lots! I am very much an outside sunshine person.

I missed you guys too. Was hard to juggle lots of things and i was away kind of to focus more on the things around me for a few months. I came back because I missed you all.

Over the weekend I will be doing some me things. My exercise. I am being taken out tonight to the movies by man thing. That will be fun.

I am giving thought for leaving work early today. Just because. Sunshine. Tea. Chill.

V.

[Loula]

Argghhh 2 more hours and then I’m done work for th week! Man it was hard coming back to it!!!! Painful! Can’t wait to get home and jump in bed and snuggle my cat and watch Netflix. I’m literally not leaving the room all weekend lol.