This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Sorry Issi,

as well as memory going my typos are getting worse!!

My brain does no function well in th morning.

Shoud read I did not want to pressure etc.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Issi (and others 😊),

Thanks for the explanation. I had not heard of TMS and I just googled it... wow, it sounds kind of scary so it’s definitley beneficial to hear your personal experience with it, just in case it is ever suggested to me.

I’m glad it works for you. Hope the headaches are better today?

Tams

[Issi]

Hi Everyone

TMS has been happening in the USA since the late 80’s, the Epworth started trials around 2007ish but I think other AUS hospitals had already started trials before this. I had previously had ECT and memory loss was a big thing for me eg. not remembering kids milestones. The first time I had it my boys were 9 and 13 in 2012, but after 2 cycles of treatment I refused anymore. Then when Psychiatrist was trained and the private hospital I had been in before invested in a machine I gave it a try, took a while to find my treatment level etc but worthwhile.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone,

Hello Issi,

Thanks for giving some background and explaining TMS further.

It is hard knowing about all the treatments available.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

Issi memory loss sounds awful, I’m glad you found and alternative that works for you. So it’s used to treat depression? How does it make you feel afterwards? (Beside the headaches) What is the most noticeable difference? Apologies for the personal questions, only answer if you want to - won’t be offended if you don’t.

How is everyone today? I’m feeling a bit ‘meh’ again, seems to be a weekend thing... my psych put me back on a low dose of SSRIs to try to help me with depression and anxiety symptoms, hope it doesn’t send me back down the ‘mixed state’ path...

Nice day here in Sydney anyway, am just about to head out with the kids to take the dog for a wash then a play at the park. Hoping it will put me in a better mood... 🤞

Tams

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I hope you had a nice time in the park.

Has anyone seen that meme/post on FB that says my box of antidepressants arrived today then there appears a box of cute puppies- aren't they all!!

Anyway it is cute but the reality is that if you are very depressed a box of puppies may be cute but it will not diminish your depression.

What do others think?

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi All

A box of puppies may be cute for a day or two but as a long term solution I don’t think it should be compared to antidepressants.

The difference comes a few days after the completion of treatment I just feel stable, no drastic changes with maintenance it keeps me balanced. Occasionally I still have highs and lows but not as much.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Issi, thanks so much for explaining. I have been on same medication for over 20 years as I am lucky that it works but I always wonder if there is something else.

I think when people think that a box of puppies or a beautiful landscape- another meme on FB, that misunderstand depression thinking it is the opposite of being happy, but it is much more complicated.

People would say to me, it is a beautiful sunny day why can't you be happy. I hoped people now have more understanding but when I see those posts on FB I feel not everyone understands.

Quirky

[Issi]

Hello Everyone

I hope most had a good or ok weekend.

Quirky even when I was in Hawaii in March there were times that I felt yuk, and that’s my favourite place on earth 🌏. According even to my family I should have been happy all the time, but as everyone on here knows that’s not the way it works.

Oh well off to do some ironing (Sunday night rush) school and husbands work. Sometimes I cheat and put a little bit of ice and the clothes in the dryer and it steams them. Only takes 5 minutes, but tonight I’ll do it the right way.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Evening everyone,

Issi you make me smile with your ironing tip.

I gave up ironing as a teenager when after intoning a few items for hours my mother assumed they were unironed. I though if she can't tell difference between my ironing and the u ironed why bother.

When my son was at pre school he used the wooden iron to play paving roads!! The teacher commented he obviously had never seen me iron!!

Quirky