This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Issi]

Hi Everyone

Quirky during the time of my illness I’ve learnt lots of tricks to help with everyday things. The 4 ingredients cookbook or individual frozen meals are good on a bad day. Coles or Woolies on line if you need to. The ironing thing. All things I can use if I need to take the pressure off when I feel like crap. There are more but I can’t think of them right now.

Does anyone else have some short cuts or tips for coping of tough days?

Issi

[quirkywords]

hello all

Issi

what a great question and suggestions.

I used to cook double portion when well and freeze the meals so I have them ready for when I am not well

Also pizzas are easy and your family can make their own.

I think the trick is to decide what is important and to accept help.

[Tams20]

Hi Everyone,

Issi, Quirky, thanks for the tips... I’ve become hopeless at all of that stuff, my husband pretty much looks after everything around the house while I’m working... I’ve become largely redundant in my own house! Am away for a couple of days at work and didn’t have to do anything to prepare for it - it’s all under control.

Not that I’m complaining, I do feel a bit useless sometimes though....

Issi the ice cubes in the drier is something that I’ll definitley have to try!

Tams

[Tams20]

OK, me again!

Sorry to take the conversation off-track but I just saw a quote that I liked in a post (by Highway to Hell) on another thread that I thought I would share with you all:

‘We Bipolars are terminally bored and perpetually dissatisfied. We take everything very personally, tend to act out in all sorts of, er, inappropriate ways and we also have very powerful personalities - a power which is not always channeled in the appropriate direction.’

What do you all think? This quote struck a chord with me... particularly ‘terminally bored and perpetually dissatisfied’... I was reading the thread because it was about developing fixations on people, a problem that I currently have with a relatively new close friend. I should be happy to have found a new good friend (not easy as you get older) but I keep wanting more from the friendship, it’s just not good enough etc and have nearly ruined it a couple of times because of my unrealistic expectations. It’s an unwelcome side-issue that is interfering with my management of my condition... or is it part of my condition that needs to be managed? Is fixation something that happens when you’re Bipolar?

Tams

[Loula]

My whole body feels physically in pain. My head won’t turn off. I’ve taken the medication the doctors recommend to take when I’m like this and zero results. I’ve just spent over $1000 on clothing that I don’t have and am hiding and all I want to do is self harm. But no I’m stuck at work. So I brought all the girls cake to try make me feel better.

[quirkywords]

Help to all.

That quote was interesting. Tams

I don't relate to all of the quote. I don't get bored but I do get fixated.

loula,

nice to see your name but I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I know

you try so hard I hope things improve soon.

i am thinking of you.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Loula,

Sorry to hear you’re not doing too well at the moment. I hope you feel better soon - hang in there.

Tams x

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone,

Sorry loula, you not really doing to well, I hope you feel better soon..

Yes terminally bored...perpetually dissatisfied .. perpetually, ..these I can relate to.. easily..

Hope everyone's days better then today's..

Grandy...Karen

[Loula]

I’m just over having to wait this out. I’m like come on! I’m on medication I see 2 doctors weekly. I’m doing everything right but it’s not working. And I’m getting angry at that and going pfft I rather fully enjoy this crazy high that’s about to come and say stuff the bad that will come with it.

[quirkywords]

Loula,

You try so hard, I am telling the screen, give the girl a break!!

She is doing the right things.

The trouble as you say with crazy full highs in my experience they end with a big low.

Take care

Quirkywords