This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Nad]

oh Issi

i'm EXACTLY in the same boat. my body wakes up at like 5 and i'm suppose to wake up at 7 to go to work and all i do is watch the time tick over till 7. Even though it reaches 7, i don't want to get out of bed and face the day. i know deep down that i have so many challenges that await me. for some people its normal but for me its like taking a punch in the gut. driving....parking...taking train..taking bus...presenting myself to the team and manager without looking like a dead fish...

this monday has been far worse for me as i spent the weekend in emergency hospital due to severe pain on my left side. had tank load of test done and dr still dont' know whats wrong so they sent me home with tuff mediication. i slept most of my weekend off and back to work again (ran out of sick leave and can't take leave without pay as i have a mortgage to pay :'(). so this morning has been crazy difficult, my eyes twitch and don't focus. i feel like vommitting and feel shaken inside. i can't concentrate and just want to sleep. i'm already panicking on how i'm going to get home and its only 12:50pm atm.

[Issi]

Nad

I hope your day improved, my day was so so. At least that's Monday over for the week.

Issi

[meercat]

Nad. meercat popping in to see how ur doing today.

I have not been able to sleep lately, back in my meerkat hole, even though life is good.

Waking up in the wee hours the other morning i discovered apps for music on my mob.

Any music you enjoy does the trick but i find classical works best for me..mozart or beethoven. I wake up calmer and ready to face the day. Dont forget the alarm for work. !

Maybe this will help you ease into your day.

Cheers

meercat xx

[meercat]

Hi issi.

How is ur day so far.

Im not used to these short cycles. Sunday ok,monday better, Tuesday tired.

"Fitbit" watch is having a fit sending hints to get up and walk and meet my 10000 step goal.

Bixby on my mobile is sending hints why dont you enjoy this and that.

My shihtsu puppy is waiting at the front door wondering why mum is not able to take her on a walk.

Husband wants me to pack for hols and i just dont want to do anything today!!

Il probably be on the top floor tomorrow then back to the basement. Help!

meercat xx

[meercat]

Hi issi.

Thankyou for explanation re treatment. After Spending my last 3 weeks in the basement im clawing my way out now but the up button keeps getting stuck.

Howz tafe..what an interesting choice tourism are you enjoying it..how long is ur course?

Hope ur feeling ok.

meercat xx

[Issi]

Meercat

You're welcome, hopefully explanation was ok, everything is individually set by your specialist.

I've always wanted to do something in the travel industry and this course seamed like a good start. I have wanted to do it for 3 years but haven't felt well enough. I think it's only due to the tms that I've been able to do it. It finishes in December. I'll be happy if I can get a part time job a couple of days a week, even if it's stacking brochures.

My week is getting better I hope yours and Nad's are too

Issi

[Airies]

Hi meercat,

when I was on medication it was like a lightbulb moment for me. Obtained so much clarity. Only on it for a few months due to being so unwell, not hydrating properly I ended up in hospital as my kidneys almost packed up. On other meds now. Only close family and folk here lol know I'm bipolar. I've had a few good days this week...love the Suns Ray's but floundered last week. Thankfully I got through it. I'm eating like there's no tomorow and then floggng myself with excecise which is no good. Need to draw on skills learnt through DBT to cope,

Another warm one tomorow , roll on Summer,

cheers Airies

[meercat]

Hi Issi and Nad. How r u?

I think im arriving at FirstFloor..yeah! Heading for second floor. Trying half dose at the moment.

Iv stopped racing around like a jet powered Dyson and my thoughts are a little more orderly. My days are busy but im so tired. It will be interesting how long it lasts. Waiting for the next wave.

Cheers

meercat xx

[Issi]

Hi

I'm ok sitting in the cafe just about to head off to class. My mood has been fairly stable, but I've been tired 😴 bring on the weekend.

Bye for now

Issi

[meercat]

White Knight.

Just studying my mood cycles.. I call them the elevator stops, kazzl's idea. Id like to know what uv discovered. Forgive me, this is fairly long.

It looks like uv had time to ponder on the road.

Do you find even when life's good that you slump in a heap "for no reason".

Looking back i can see a definite pattern.My doc said at last visit, to get in tune with my body..eat well, exercise in small bursts, take li meds at exact time each day (halved dose now), have blood tests for levels regularly and try to be happy.

As you may have read in my posts this is how it is occurring to me. It seems different to others iv spoken to. How is it with you.

..5 yr gaps, then all is ok, then cant get up one day.1 yr gaps..same thing ..just now 1 x 3wk awful episode out of the blue.

Im asking..is it our lifestyle, our diet, is it our personality, is it how we take our meds. Or a combo of all those.

i can see my definite pattern.

*All going well,lots of energy, retired, no work, move new house, building probs. Worries.

No doc. visits, no monitoring of levels, weight gain 7 kgs, change of diet..no salt, no sugar, CRASH, i cant see, skin falls off, cant feel, walk, talk, eat or smell, body closes down and i curl up and go to sleep.

3 weeks later i am carried to new Doc. ..

new pattern is emerging After adding salt n sugar back to diet, (li needs salt to work properly) blood tests, ..adjusting to halved meds, im starting to thaw out, eat properly and gain a little weight back. I am more interested in life.

Who knows..might be back in the basement tomorrow but at least i wont be so frightened next time.

Cheers

meercat xx