This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[blondguy]

Hi Possum

Possum said "Because there are so many negative community champions and they seem to
encourage 'throwing in the towel' like we should just give up on any of our dream and plans because now we have a mental illness so it's all over"

We invite all people to have their say Possum no worries but if you could refrain from making unhelpful negative comments about anyone including the Community Champions.

Im on the forums for 2 reasons...My brothers suicide (providing awareness) and supporting people in pain through my own long term experience with my anxiety/depression.

The Champions put in many hundreds of hours as volunteers on the forums and may also find your post insulting, sad and a reflection of your illness.

The forums also have many people that are super fragile posting here. Your comments have crossed the line and may also have a negative impact on posters too which is counter productive to what the forums represent.

I read at lot of the posts on the forums Possum. Your highlighted comments are only your interpretation of some posts on the 'Do You Love Yourself Thread', not mine or anyone else's.

Please consider all others prior to posting on any thread. Lets work as a team without the attitude...please

Thanks Possum

Paul

[Starwolf]

How strange, The Possum...

As a champion, I have been telling members that mental illness is no life sentence. That it can be worked on and beaten because I did it... and I am certainly nothing special.

I have been accused in the past of setting the bar too high...Food for thought ??

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey there,

Yeah, I know. It can seem like a real struggle sometimes, especially when looking at people seemingly doing better than yourself. I've had that kind of thinking before, like when is it going to be my turn to be okay? But we can certainly all achieve it.

Have you heard people say not to compare your art with someone else's? It's the same sort of thing. Everyone is going to look at another's artwork and think that it's wonderful and better than their own.

But it's really not the case, it's just a perception, an insecure perception. Life is much the same, I think. You might think another's is better, but it's just a perception, and you can always change your own work/life. Throw paint on the canvas and start new again, or add an extra petal to the illustrated flower. You know?

And you know what, too? So many people with an illness have created such beautiful and important things, all throughout history, whether that be art or literature or music. Edvard Munch, one of my favourite artists, created The Scream in 1893, when he was thirty years old (if my calculations are correct). And how iconic is that? He didn't achieve that as a child. These things take time.

In more modern times, there are a lot of actors and performers with Bipolar in some form. They're an inspiration.

As for reacting strongly to a major stressor - you're human. Humans react to stress in different ways. And you're a human with an illness, just as all of us are, but that doesn't mean you are the illness or it can't be controlled.

Heck, I had two panic attacks and a breakdown recently over a fight. Did I react badly? Yes. Did my illness play a part? Yes. Will it always be that way, uncontrollable and painful? No. The same is true for you and everyone here. (:

[velvetfaerie]

Lady = You rock. Just sayin.

velvz.

[Lady_Stardust]

And you're lovely! ❤️

[white knight]

How great to read that V and stardust.

Currently we are touring Queensland in our bintage car and caravan

You'd think one would be over the moon with delight?

Not really, for the first time in 5 years my anxiety has returned to near peak levels. Add to that the bipolar swings of loving affectionate Tony to semi rage anger at the world views.

Think I should leave the tourist packed coast and head inland, quite towns, less people, free camps.

Tony WK

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Tony!

I love the inland. The red centre is fantastic. I like beaches too, but a bit less than the desert.

Too many people on the coast! ARGH. I would not be awesome either.

Or maybe coastal areas WAY up north..... Shame about the bities in the waters up there though.

Velv. Waffles on................

I need a holiday SO BAD.

V.

[Airies]

Hi Possum,

Sounds like you are going through a bad patch.Bipolar and mental illness is a bummer but it can be beaten or managed with the right treatment, medication, psychs and the passages of time. You are early in your diagnosis and treatment and meds. It's takes time to get it right. There are so many variables. With a broken arm or leg it's an easy fix. The human brain is no easy fix, so msny chemicals,life experiences and every human being is different and special. Psychiatrists are amaysing considering what fronts and presents on a daily basis.To your credit you're not giving in. I came close but turned the corner and despite some massive dips it's still a daily battle, nowhere near as hard as it was. I'm now in the final module of DBT and started a PSTD course. My life has changed dramatically but for the better. Would I change anything. Some things I would if I could but great believer in everything happens for a reason. It's made me a better person. My family have commented I'm in a much better place.There has been some shit times, will continue to be but there will be good times as well.

Everyones journey is different. That's what makes us humans such complex beings, no easy fix but it's just a matter of chipping away.

im reaching out to give you a hug if that's ok

cheers LM

[Starwolf]

Hi Tony,

Holidays are meant to be fun, a pleasurable experience.

Perhaps relocating more inland would keep the madding crowd at bay. There are lovely camping areas, located in out of the way villages a bit further inland from where I live...though the cold might be too daunting for you. You are mobile, so not stuck in any way. Bad situations can be moved away from.

Happy trails...

[Issi]

Hi Possum

I guess things are really tough right now, sending big hugs to you. At times on the forums I tend to under play how I'm doing, like right now feeling crappy. I hate the cold it always makes me feel worse, have 2 teenage boys that are testing my patience and a husband at work all the time adding to financial issues. Just over a week I start full time tafe which is causing anxiety but it's something I really want to do, as well as fitting in my tms.

I guess what I'm trying to say is bipolar is bu....it, it will take time to find to right mix of medication/therapy because like us our bipolar is different. Don't throw in the towel, keep a mood diary for a few weeks along side a activity diary and take it to your Dr it may help figure out if things are connected. Hang in there.

Issi