This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Saphira]

Hi Possum,

I was experiencing the rapid cycling leading up to me getting myself properley diagnosed. I didn't think it was bipolar because I didn't think the moods could switch so much in such a short period of time.

I haven't had it since being on mood stabilizers but it was exhausting and frustrating!

Saphira

[Airies]

Hi Possum,

relate perfectly, haven't had the high highs but was in the low lows for months when really unwell.Now mostly even keel but even today much the same as you3/10- 7/10. Theres a bit going on and manifesting itself in tension headaches increasingly over the last week. I'm just started another course at Private Psych Hospital and there's a bit happening. I don't know where I'd be without my meds. It's a matter of finding the right formula. I leave it to the medical experts. An understanding GP and psych go a long way. In a moment of crisis I can have music or a song going through my head. The mind is a strange thing.

Back in 1991 I was diagnosed with depression and medicated.1997- ADHD and medicated and late 2015 BP 1. Possum I know it takes time to adjust to new meds. A while back was prescribed a new med a blood preassure tablet of all things to cut back n vivid nightmares.i felt sick for a week but it worked. Nightmares have greatly diminished.

cheers LM

[white knight]

Possum

If you google this you might find it interesting

Topic: medivation is a whirlpool- beyondblue

Topic: 53 years of hell now 5 years of contentment- beyondblue

Tony WK

[velvetfaerie]

This week I have been fobbed off by friends, ignored by friends, approached for validation where i get nothing in return and it is all completely selfish. Why is it so hard for people to see that all relationships are two way !??!!

All i wanted was to say hello to my friends. Apparently I am useful when they need stuff/things/help/counsel whatever.

Totally over everything right about now.

[The_Possum]

Velvz I started a thread 'friendship Mass exodus' in relationship section.

It's basically all the relationships that have turned to rubbish since my life has changed.

And I'm not responsible for it!

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Possum,

I was having this conversation with a gym buddy last night about this very thing. She has bipolar too and she has found, although we are responsible for our behaviours, other people find it really easy to just blame the bipolar folk!

PFFT !

Being a bad person is not exclusive to mental concerns PEOPLE ! Grrrr. :D​

I will suss out your thread shortly !! 😄

[The_Possum]

Yep Velvz I totally agree.

Well I'm at ground zero and the friendship stakes are high lol

I'm devising some ways to get out and meet people.. The only way I believe.

I don't think friends will magically appear on my doorstep and knock on the door yelling 'surprise we love you and want to be friends'..

Wish it were that simple.

Maybe I need to put an ad out on gumtree lol

Take care buddy x

[velvetfaerie]

I have seen people put adds on gumtree! But others might take it for not what it is too, if you know what i mean!

I would rock up and say "LETS BE BUDDIES!!!" ehhehehe

V

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey, everyone.

Sounds like we've been going through some stuff, huh? Sucks big time. I'm so sorry to read all of the troubles - I hope everything calms down for you all and things are better. ❤️ And welcome, Saphira!

Things have been a bit chaotic for me for the past short while. A pretty severe down period and some conflicts with people and life in general. I'm considering going to the doctor to discuss my medication, maybe change it? But I also don't want to do that, because I hate going to the doctor and I hate changing medication. But I guess I have to keep it in perspective, because I hate feeling bad more than both of those things. >.<

[The_Possum]

Hey Lady stardust.. Yep the bipolar struggles continue.

I am starting to wonder if it ever becom a stable. I read all these success stories of people having normal lives and it gives me hope and something to strive for.

Then I look at my own situation and think.. Well when is it going to happen for me?

I know I'm newly diagnosed and still need to get meds and things right, but I'm already over it.

And I was stable until some major stress occurred, out of my control and it sent me off. So I'm now concerned that as soon as life gets rough is this how I am going to react??! Because that isn't much fun.

Then being on the BB forums whilst good is also not good. Because there are so many negative community champions and they seem to encourage 'throwing in the towel' like we should just give up on any of our dream and plans because now we have a mental illness so it's all over.

I'm glad glad they can afford to live that way or have no ambition or maybe a lot older and can. But a young person with a young family must press on to get better, learn to manage their condition and get out there and live life.

This is where my source of strength comes from. I'm not giving up no matter what is thrown at me. But bipolar is a B...... H.