Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Delectable]

In fact I hope all of you drag yourselves away from the comforts of home and do the same thing, you know it will be waiting when you return and you maybe surprised at the result, breathe and just try.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Sleepy.

I haven't been on here for a while but I just came across your thread. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same as you everyday, but it's not about me, it's about you. Just wanted to say you're not alone though.

Is there anything I can do? I'm glad others have reached out to you here. Hi to everybody else also.

- Tayla

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Sleepy

I just found your thread too. I'm so sorry you've been/are feeling this way. This time of year really shines a light on things, hey? When's your support group going to be available again? Is it on a break? And really good on you for calling support services. It can be hard to know where to turn sometimes, as you mentioned previously, and I think the phone support services are invaluable in this regard. Have you got a safety plan in place? I'm sure someone mentioned an app for this. My safety plan has been posting "help?" on facebook and waiting for someone to talk to me until the rush passes, but lately I've been journalling. I see you said you've been writing too - has it helped? My other emergency plan is going to sit outside my GP's office - she's ok'd it and said I can chat to her if I need, or just sit and be safe. I wonder if that's an option for you?

I also just want to reiterate what others have said here - you're amazing! You've got your own stuff going on, and yet you're always so lovely and supportive. The world is a much better place with people like you here.

Sending you a giant bear hug and some bum wiggles (those are from Storm - promise!)

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony,

ur input is awesome, thanks for helping me think it through, talking to u and others here helps me think and process.

[Guest_1643]

hi Hanna

I'm sorry everything is closd near you, that's frustrating becauss it slows everything down.
We have had dreary weather and very windy here

I feel a bit better after changing GPs recently and also just cutting myself some slack i guess...

we have things open here in melbourne for boxing day etc and the cafes are also open mostly atm just shorter hours, unless theyve closed for the entire holiday period. Still a little bit quiet and still with this blah rainy weather and super intense wind-tunnel outside atm

[Guest_4643]

I hope you're ok. I'm here if you need someone, Sleepy

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony,

I'm a little over-cautious about sharing my information which is a bit troublesome for me but i also find when i do share it's usually not so bad

so i had one contact from the triage and an unwanted phone call - other than that all ok

and i'm happy to stand in my truth, really... i feel better that i was able to share but i kept a bt private about the hospital admissions - i don't feel so safe sharing that with others atm

[Guest_1643]

Hey Delectable

love your passion for nature and excercise which is so so true - it helps a lot

Just wanted to gently remind if that's okay that this is a forum for MH struggles and also in the suicidal thughts and self harm section, so many of us at times can't leave the house not because of laziness but due to depression and other Mh issues... i totally understand we're all sharing what works and really appreciate that so so much but want to also bear in mind those of us who are struggling to leave home and unable to go out or on holidays ... sometimes it's just day by day and leaving the house is truly a struggle.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tayla,

thank for u for writing given that u've been having such a hard time urself, it's really caring of u

sorry u have felt this way it's really very rough to have these feelings

it does help to know others understand.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy

Thanks for giving me this space to vent and sharing what works for u...it's really helpful

I would totally show up and sit at the GP - I wander if he would allow that and be okay with it - I think yes. He is MH sensitive and keenly interested, which has helped me a lot.

The support group is a total mystery - they aren't on break and were meant to be open but sudden "unforseen cicrumstances" (their words) led them to close early... I called their line today like 5 times and its straight to voicemail.

I'm surprised I'm not more upset and bewildered by this... but somehow I'm okay with it. It must be administrative. The ppl who run it are lovely and care so muc about vulnerable ppl, they are probably also upset about it. So i'm giving it the benefit of the doubt that it'll be back. It really helps me as it's safe and cosy for me. I never have to drag mysel to go - which now I think of it - is pretty miraculous for me. I've goen weekly for nearly a year. How did I manage that?