Dear New Member
I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a good place to set out one's thoughts and get other views.
I'm sorry you are in this situation, loving someone as a partner but being aware that person is trying to be there for someone else too, in this case his family and child.
If this was me I guess I would not have been as tolerant and understanding as you have been. I'd feel I was being given less in return for my giving all.
I think of a partner as being someone that loves me first, has the desire to make my life as easy and smooth as possible, even before their own needs. They get the very same in return. We are happy together (OK arguments happen sometimes, that's natural) and have fun too as well as intimacy. Having children together is a possibility too.
I have to feel they have my back 100% as I am prepared to do for them.
Your partner is trying to be two people to two different relationships and I can't see how that will work long term. In my own case I had to choose between a domineering parental family situation and someone I loved. The family situation came second, a sad loss but necessary.
I imagine your partner has to choose, be devoted to you and hopefully visit his child, or concentrate on his family and let you go.
Saying he was on the verge of killing himself without you seems to be emotional blackmail and places a completely unfair and inconsiderate burden on you. In point of fact no one person can keep another alive anyway, it does not work that way.
You do not sound the sort of person that can exist in this situation permanently, and the sooner it is resolved the more time there is for other things - and healing if necessary. So have you thought of being firm and saying despite whatever culture he may have come from he needs to permanently separate and be with you, or you walk?
A very hard thing to do, but so it remaining as you are
What do you think?
Croix
