Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Croix]

Dear DB~

Hope things have settled a bit now. That was a very interesting thought about mania being some sort of defense as it gives what everyone wants.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hi Croix thanks dropping in been concerned about you, was planning eventually to pop in at yours but I guess thinking and not doing isn't support for you. Hope you're on the improve.

Nope pretty average but a LOT more sleep will do the trick.

Thanks re mania.

Take care Croix

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

Just a quick message for tomorrow, I know your head hurts poor darling..😚🤗...I hope it better tomorrow...

I hope today was good for you...I really wanted to come and just ask you, to please be okay tomorrow...my heart will be with you tomorrow to help keep you strong and my soul with be with you to help hold you up and keep beasty away..together we can keep [IT]xx away...always here for you...💜👼..

You’re doing exceptionally good sweet Deebi..I’m very proud of you...truth...

Love you Deebi..💜🤗🦄...

Good nite dear friends, I hope you all sleep well.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🕊🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and a wave to all),

Friendship with this man still sounds nice. I’m glad you seem quite open to whatever the future holds for the 2 of you 🙂

I’m glad you’re cherishing your clovers. The 4-leaf kind of course. Only the best for the Soul Hug Masterette. Lol. Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

As always, I admire your determination to track your mood and mental health progress.

It sounds like you’ve been having a rough time with some down days recently. I feel the incident with the other people must have been very upsetting...

I think it’s a shame you’ve haven’t been able to walk as much as I know they make a huge difference to both your physical and mental health. I suppose the exercise bike is a good alternative...but maybe just be mindful of your injury/Achilles though...we want our beautiful DB in one piece 🙂

Interesting theory about mania. I must admit that I’m not very knowledgeable about mania to really comment but I’m glad you’re thinking about it...

Totally up to you (no pressure or obligation) but if you’re interested, maybe look up free academic articles on “Google Scholar” if you want to find some of the latest research on bipolar. Who knows...maybe there’s even something that aligns with your theory...

Thanks also for the thoughtful mention on Butterfly Wings’ thread. Don’t even worry about it, you’re not “neglecting” me as you put it. It’s okay, I know you care 😉

Super soul hugs, much love and 4-leaf clovers

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

Hmmm, I seem to be having tech issues (or maybe I just didn’t hit “post”?) so I may or may not have lost a post that I wrote...oh dear...

I’ll check again later but extra cuddly super soul hugs in the mean time...

Pepstar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hugs...🤗🤗🤗🤗..beautiful friend..Oh.. 💼, 😂..and some very special, 🌹 roses.🌹🌹🌹🌹, for a very very special,person..who gives me light each day... Please be okay....L💓ve Y💜u....Very much..

Grandy.....🕊🕊🕊

[Guest8901]

My dear Deebi

As always, I continue to 👀 and👂and totally admire your strength and insight.

Love to you

Amanda 💕

[demonblaster]

Hi good people 💗
Grandy saw your lovely 3rd Sept post 😚
You're all very kind good hearted people 🤗 thank you so much

GP. Achilles and other pain ? tendons around the ankle. Couple of days off helped. He said stop one of the excercises so have another with a towel & to continue rolling foot on a frozen bottle to stretch the tendon. Littles ouchies but much improved. Had to do 2 walks today. 7 hills. At least with rest it settled was a bit serious for a bit recently. Being careful.

Saw friend. Shaking head. Raw deal she's talking which wipes her out. I was pleasantly surprised that she walked around the bed. Nurse Deebi instructed her to slow down. She's coming to terms. Doesnt look like palliative care as yet, thought about my love but was ok thanks Grandy 🤗 maybe harder in palliative. Often our thoughts are harder than the event, maybe they prepare us. See how it goes. She loved the card (stoked) and said read to her when it's finished. She loved the group video too I'll try to do more. Just hoping she's able to register but not too far off now.

Still pretty tired, mood easier, maybe couple of days & back to goods

Headache went Grandy ☺ trying to sneak back, trying to be more mindful when bending head.

It'd be heartbreaking Grandy hearing bangs 🤗I hope Mumjo are safe darlin too. Maybe they'll stop soon.

Thanks for update, having the option for half pill must be reassuring for your heart. Let us know how ya go with your poor jaw please pet. Hard place with eating especially I imagine

Beautiful hugs thank you dear friend.

L🤗v🤗e 💼 Y🤗u l.🤗.TS ☺

Thank you for your amazing support and friendship 🦄

You be ok Gwandy 🌜💜💑💗🌛

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Peps and great to see you Mandy, you've been on my mind sweetygirl. 😅 Great seeing you too Pepstar 🤗 mean it

😊Always good to put a smile on someones face. Loved your clovers gift for us, very sweet made me smile too.

Yes friendship will be great. Good fella. He's struggling which is hard to see, kinda feel useless but not because I'm in touch at times.

"Google scholar" thanks Peps I will sometime, want to do some research, did a little recently on c-ptsd and more on BP other day but need to fully understand type 1 and 2 mania though I know I had 1 now 2. It's amazing peps. Imagine being the happiest you could possibly be, everythings right. In a nutshell that's mania and of course much more. Euphoric. Wish everyone could even have one dose in their lives.

Thanks mean it darl for being so gracious about at yours but "wait there's more" a goody is I thought of more for your 🎁 you lovely thing you. Roight so now you're a thing 😉

You wrote and are very articulate Peps in all your posts a lovely one to our gorgeous Birdy on "bouquet of pearls" amazing isn't she. Pretty spesh.

Oh while I think could you please explain I think I know why .. '.. follows an s. Is it cause it's not saying is or similar to that please. s' at the end of some words.

I really do care about you Peps very much ☺🤗 are you ok with kisses, can't remember. Knowww how ok you are with hugs my dear apprentice 😁

Hope you had a good day huns. Going to have tea wind down and earlier to bed. Hate being tired. Oh thanks I planted the clovers and guess what I'm feeding them 🙃

Mandy treasure, so hope you're feeling better. My heart sank and couldn't word to you. Was hoping to get back to you before you returned so just got you and Peps then I'm nearly or caught up. Want to read more of Sez C-PTSD, research including yours, do my psych homework for a change and...God think I'll coccoon again 😄

Warm loving friendship to both you loves. 🤗🤗

Thanks girls and Croixy popping in too, was a nice welcome surprise ☺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

It sounds like you had an early night last night. Seems to be what you needed...

That man sounds really endearing and kind. Yes, it can be hard to see good people suffer...

Thank you for explaining mania to me. The euphoric feeling that you described must be pretty incredible. Perhaps it’s like a top of the world feeling.

I’m glad you’re keeping busy by growing your knowledge about different mental health issues. It looks like you’re planing to cover quite a range...

Yes, I absolutely agree with you that birdy (waves if you’re reading) is very special 🙂 Thanks for your kind words to me but the real credit belongs to her, not me. Lol.

As I often say, you have a huge heart. I’ve been fortunate to be one of the recipients of your care and affection from that big heart of yours...I’m looking forward to this present 🙂 It sounds epic...

Super soul hugs and much love

Pepstar xoxo

P.S. Also, what’s this about you giving birdy choccies from my stash? Don’t think that I don’t know...just remember this, I charge interest” so you owe me a lot of choccie bars...

But, seeing as its for birdy, I’ll let you off the hook...just this one time 😉 lol