Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good morning, Sweet special Deebi, and gentl Peppy..

Hello Deebi, I'm just popping in to wish you a beautiful day...I'm out front on my veranda trying to calm my ever present anxiety.....😳...before I have to go out today..

Thank you for saying what you did in your last couple of posts..you're the incredible one Deebi, 💜..

Oh yes the pistachios, I thought I was the only one who liked the flavour of the shells...one of my dogs, loves the shells, 😂 one fell on the floor once and she gobbled up it up, so I gave here some more..she didn't like the nut, just the shell...

I love caring for you so much Deebi,..and also the other lovlies here, Peppy, Amanda, Starts, Birdy, etc..well all of them really...They care for me I love to return that care and some extra..💜💜.. You all deserve so much love and care, it's just not fair that such lovely, caring people like you all, are struggling with so much hurting and pain...

Im wishing you a very special day today sweetheart, I hope you can get outside today even if it's just to walk a little and sit on a driftwood on the beach and take in the sights and sound of Mother Nature...

Big love and hug...Love you so much dear friend...💜🤗🌹..

i hope anyone reading this has a beautiful day, remember that you are a very special person...🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼..

oohhh...Deebi, that Icecream cake gave me a 🤒tummy ache last night....😁 I better have some more for breakfast to take my tummy ache away.😁🤣🤣..

Love and hugs...xxxx

[demonblaster]

Hey beautifuls I replied earlier but not through yet well I think I did.

😚🤗

[demonblaster]

Oops must've been in my head to reply soz beautifuls.

Pepsy thsnks sweety I had 2 smokes today which I can do, asked a friend for one and he left me another.

Bit wary of gum as I have although seems ok these days a peptic (tummy) ulcer and getting the juices working could be dangerous without food. Its a bother we go for food instead. Dagh dont wanna undo good work and have put some on already so have to go easy.

Awful feeling meh isn't it, saw you saying to Starts maybe o/s travel, maybe be a good lift.

You're a real sweety Peps. 🤗 whoppers to you. Been getting more ideas for your pwezzy. 😚🌹

Hey ya gorgeous, what a sweety finding time for me with your big day, hope you released some pain and you're ok lovely.

Ha 😆 tummy ache, more 🍰, that'd help 😊

Not driftwood but lovely thought but did walk sweety lady

Remember your breathing sweet, I'm starting to do it more often.

I love you caring for me, thank you so much and fully reciprocated. You're simply 🦄 magic sweet one.

Much love to you both 💗💑💜

Thankyou for your time and care🤗😚

[startingnew]

hello SL

Popping in to say hello and to see how your going tonight. tummy ulcers are not fun at all, im not sure gum would aggrivate it though i have gum and seem to be ok but each person is different.

well done on quitting and im glad your journeys going ok in reducing/quitting. very tough stuff.

Hugs and love xoxoxo

Hello to Peps, Grandy, Birdy, Mandy and all here too. xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello a Beautiful Deebi,

Ive always got time for you and the others here...

If I talk.... try to support, talk, etc.....especially to you or others it takes my mind of me..it helps to get me out of inside my mind...not sure if you understand....If I don't talk it means I'm in a really really scarey place...with unhealthy thoughts..

Thats okay no driftwood..but so very pleased that you walked..After the psychiatrist today I needed to visit the powder room, so I went to the park its right in the middle of town...and I walked over the sway bridge, then back again then sat down and just stayed there for a half hour I think until I felt safe to drive....I have 4 big hills to go over to drive home and the road is very wriggly and no gutters, so many pot holes and very narrow..typical country road..

anyway enough of me....

How was your day lovely lady..I read somewhere your isolating yourself....please if you can please try not to isolate yourself... You have a lot of loving friends that you like to lunch with...Do you want to talk to me about it? If not it's okay, not noses just concerned...You are a people's person sweetheart, it would break 💔 my heart if you ended up isolating yourself....Please try hard Special darling...

Well done on the ciggies..as SN said ..."very tough stuff"..

i hope your sleep well Deebi, and tomorrow is a good day for you..lots of tender love and gentle hugs precious friend...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼.......thank you for..🌜💜🌛..I drew them on the back of a card and took it with me today and held on to it in my pocket at times........💜🤗🌹..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

I think it’s fair enough what you’re saying about why gum might not be the best idea 🙂 That makes sense...

It sounds like you’ve had increased food cravings/ appetite since cutting back on the cigarettes. Maybe it’s a transitional thing so hopefully when your body gets used to smoking less/not smoking, your appetite will return to normal.

Thank you, I’m looking forward to this special present of mine. I’ll be in for a treat, I’m sure, which is very exciting 🙂

Yes, I’m just over it. That seems to be the best and most succinct way to describe how I’m feeling...

Much love and super soul hugs to you

Pepstar xoxo

[Guest8901]

Dear DeeBee,

So proud of you my friend! Despite everything, you're still plugging along, still striving to improve your lot, still remaining upbeat and positive in all that you do. Your posts are always inspiring, always helpful and informative to others who are reading along and learning from you. You do so much good here Deebee. Way too often you make light of what you do, of how much your support here means to us all. I want to remind you of that.

If you ever need support, please know that I am always here for you, to offer what little I can. I would say you can lean on me, but right now, sadly I would not be able to support you. Severe physical pain and resulting deep depression and feelings of being totally useless have caused me to plummet. So like I said to Grandy earlier today on her thread - I will be around throughout the day. I may be essentially bedbound right now, but I have my trusty mobile phone with me and so can reply to posts. Slowly, but I get there, albeit with a number of typos.

I hope today is a reasonable day for you my friend.

Amanda

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

How are you? I'm really concerned so much about you, are you okay...because you haven't posted anything for a couple of days..that I can see...I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you yesterday..I am really in a bad place......Sending you lots of my love 💜and care 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and huge 🤗 hugs, lovely lady...I really hoping with every ounce ( and there's heaps of them) of my body, heart and soul that you are okay....

Please Deebi, 🦄...you have to be alright...

Sleep well lovely Deebi..I'm trying to use up another 2.5 hours..I don't want to sleep now..I need to stay awake until I can get home..then I'll sleep...

Love you big time..💜🦄🕊👼👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety and you other darling sweeties too. Thankyou so much for your beautiful supportive pists. I really do appreciate them so much.

I'm ok Grandy thanks, just sitting back for a bit trying to make some sense of it all. Been doing a fair bit of Doona time, walking , eating oh God, tinsy winsy cries on occasion only a couple. Not down just withdrawn from life mostly for a bit.

You're in a bad place Grandy, don't worry about me we want to see you ok sweet lady. Worry about you 🤗💑

I'll be back to talk properly to you beautiful friends. Thanks so much 😚🤗

Grandy love 💜💑🕊 please be ok honey 🌹

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

I’m glad you’re resting and taking time out for yourself. I bet you’re learning a lot in your self reflections and I look forward to reading them when and if you feel like sharing them 🙂

Doona days and walks sound very healing, and I suppose an extra snack here and there is nice too.

Sending much love and super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxox