Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi kind people

First thought was a down on waking. Thought of Grandys thought patterns in depression thread helped a bit. Few tears, not feeling great walked. Checked with chemist about AD's (anti depressants) depends which ones that can go back into mania. I trust GP but wanted to check. So today yeah reluctantly going to go with them. It's too much.

I was taking all sorts of notes but recently started taking the right ones for coping strats. Did a bit of meditation down the street & going to work on distraction. Said to Wolfy other day I was going to do Old English & write out Desiderata, should be therapeutic.
"Remember what peace there may be in silence" I do this at times it's good, this psych suggested that. Helps.
Also going to try and get some tt stuff sorted which is a plus for me to do things.

I don't want this anymore, not thoughts atm so that's good. Scary having thoughts. Not lately tho so that's good. This is milder so should be able to pull out.

"You are a child of the Universe, you have a right to be here" Just want to cry maybe more sleep and I'll be ok.

This ones hanging on till the last, usually the other deep type finishes by now.Anyhoo todays going to get help

Sigh AGAIN! MH from what he said I can't ring up just to talk. Shame.Things HAVE to change enoughs enough! Think I can pull out of this, once I get all the coping strats in a list then I can refer to that and I"ll add them to the BeyondNow app and some more happies too.
Todays plan. Calligraphy. Read help books. Meditate. Check back to see how often now.

Lol Pepstar the chocs, You'd think I'd share wouldn't you 😉 actually I did with Grandy under the stars last night 🙂 You're so generous darling what would I do without you in every way xx Thank you for supporting me either way. I really DON"T want to go more meds but ... Hope your w/e is a good one for you huns, some more art I hope. Want to see you happy too

[Rainforest]

I am new here, & not sure I’m in the right place, forgive me if I’m not. I wake up every morning with negative thoughts of things past. I try & try to block them. I have tried meditation, doing something to distract my mind, but they come back. I suffer from depression can’t take medication as it has a worse effect. I am a mature age person & am stuck in a bucket of oil I can’t get out of. I feel frustrated , angry & hopeless. Thankyou for letting me write this.

[demonblaster]

You're a really sweet person Grandy, so happy we met and of course the other beauties here.

Distractions pulling me outta this so that's good.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today, glad you have GP soon. Takes a while to recover doesn't it. Darlin I don't like seeing you down either.
Our fantasy scenes, one day I aim to get to you and Wolfys standards and will. That's what else I'll do today. It helps doing them and of course reading yours, love em. Even if I don't do everything on the list, some I'll be happy with.

This morning with tears & sads I thought what will make me happy, not much came to mind but one of my first thoughts was I'd see you today 🙂 xx Got stuff on tomoz with new MH group, know and like 3 of them from other group and Sunday (different day) see my MH bloke & lunch with one of besties sometime. Less time with myselfs a plus in these times but starting to in good times be ok with myself. Starting to pull out of this atm. Distraction working well.

Thanks Grandy, I do listen to you and am going to go the meds, TEMPORARILY
Rest up as much as you can darl and be sure to eat as much energy food. Carbs are good for slow release. Bread, rice, spuds etc.

Cooked at your place last night (Did) a really nice split pea and barley soup,carrot onion, french onion soup mix celery (Blaghh but can't taste it thank god) chicken stock. Froze a few, you reminded me other day of that. And still got Pumpkin soup too.Talking of.
Base to soups is Carrot onion and celery. About 4 heaped teaspoons of chick stock or 5/6 cubes I cook skin and all. Mixed herbs and a few other dried herbs I thought would be ok blend skin and all or you can scoop the flesh out, too hard peeling them before cooking.

You always be ok dear dear friend, love you so much and really appreciate you xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi,

I'm really sorry to read that you have been doing it tough. Those darn yo yos need a shorter string hey so there are not so many ups and downs!

You have a wonderful support base here, hope you are able to get all the help you need right where you are as well.

Do you have any ideas on how you want to spend today? I have a massage booked later so I will enjoy that. The next day I feel like I have been in the boxing ring, guess it is a case of no pain no gain!

Dear precious lady, I do so hope you are able to see your way through this tough patch. I know it can be a battle!

Thinking of you, cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Rainforest,

Welcome to the community here on the forum. You are not really in the wrong place, it is just that you will be more noticeable if you are able to start up your own thread if you feel comfortable to do so.

If you are able, go to All Threads then scroll down to a topic, maybe depression will suit, push on the button that allows you to start a new thread and you can start a thread of your own.

Hopefully you can work out how to start a thread of your own or someone can explain it better than me!

I'm sorry to learn you are struggling. Hopefully you can start up the thread and people can communicate with you.

Cheers from a technically challenged Dools!

My instructions may be lousy! Sorry about that, my computer technology is not all that good!

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,

That's such a really beautiful thing to say..That you thought of me this morning and i make you happy...Truth here honey..No pressure at all, my day is a. Good day if I speak to you through the day...opposite if I don't talk to you...It's hard to explain the impact you have on me daily...

Deebi, you're overtaking me on my fantasies, those precious little bubble inside bubbles that say I love you..The Magic 🍄..My tractor running on milo oil..Deebi I think you've mastered fantasy..your really good..

Bread, rice, spuds...umm Deebi. how bout chocolate 🍫 is that a good carb..😋...The soup was 😋 as well. Your so good to me..Please be okay Deebi, we can do this..I know we can..The 2nd post landed yesterday afternoon. I hope they can help even one person.

I have been thinking and I think I worked out Depression is only our thoughts, we give it to much power, we control our minds, we should be controlling Depression, but BP2 different from usual depression but still we should be able to control a bit...

Hello Dools.. I hope your pain clinic is going okay...Your massage sounds like it will be relaxing at the time but ouchy the next day... I really hope you enjoy yours this afternoon..and your not sore tomorrow....

I hope also Dools that you will be okay as well.

Thank you Deebi, I will try again to make a pumpkin soup. Tomorrow I will be making pea n ham soup..enough for at least 4 nights.. Everyone is welcome to come over mine..

I bake my pumpkin with the skin on...I think the skin is yummy and it's got more nutrients then the actual pumpkin itself...When I feel naughty I will deep fry my pumpkin..it's the best...but shhhhh...

I hope everyone's day is better then yesterday...

kind thoughts and massaging hugging hugs 🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Good to hear that distraction and getting out with friends etc is helping you through. Good on you too for deciding to give ADs a trial.

Apologies for my silence. Not doing too well myself right now. I will continue to watch over you, but I'm 🙊 at present. So my posts will likely be sporadic. 😿

Keep up the good work.

Mandy 💔

[demonblaster]

Hi Rainforest welcome to this great community. I like your name ☺ You did well getting a post done. Sorry to hear you're struggling darl

Dear Doolsy here has given you some good guidance to start a thread if you like which would give you your own space and you'd be able to get more support. Another choice for new members is..

• If you go into the All posts section
• Click on Welcome and orientation
• On the right hand side is a Blue new thread button.

I suggest before making a new thread to read the 5 Red buttons (rectangles) at the top to get acquainted with how it works here and in the "5 tips on getting the best out of the forums" which explains how to start a new thread

If you have any problems feel free to post here and if I can't help someone here will be able to.

You might be interested in checking out other threads too which I've found very helpful along the way and get to know more people.

Thank you for posting I wish you all the best⚘

All the best ☺

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely people

Not happy Jan but have to try meds can't keep going like this. They'll set up a skype with a psychiatrist at GP's to sort different meds whooptee. I'll hear from Healthy minds, will have 12 sessions with them. Got referral to see another psychologist 😩 but will see other when I can, does anyone know how often you can change? Got a feeling it's twice per MHCP.

Picked up and had little cry at GP but ok rest of time. Didnt do anything on list 🙄

Grandy yes I heard in pumpkin skin is a lot of nutrients. Your soup sounds delish yes please I'll be there 😚
Fantasy not there with yous yet but thanks for saying. Getting there
Lol choccy carb geez hope so
Love that yes it is our thoughts just gotta have better ones. I've no clue what I want to do or where to be what to aim for just doing day by day. Yum deep fry pumpkin our secret 😃Its your fave veg isnt it. My love liked dry ones ..icky. Hope you're ok lovey 🤗💜🌹

Peppy is generous like that free delivery oh very impressive 👌 Always smile with our choccy jokes.Thanks always for your support hun, you too are a lovely friend 🤗 and great apprentice 😃

Doolsy yoyo shorter string yeah I reckon.
Been thinking a lot about you, slowly working my way back to threads
Support group is great here and thanks Doolsy for your kindness
Pain clinic hope its going well and the massage ouchems hope at least its good at the time.

Mandy youre doing it so hard yet you still support me, one day I'll manage that too again. Be over at yours asap lovely one. Might be tomoz darlin 🤗 you know I love you ☺💜⛅ sorry you too are doing it hard. So glad you did your volunteer work. Elderly are beautiful, they'd love you as we do.
Meds good luck lovey with it.

I'm going to sign off soon. Still v.tired.

Thank you all for your kindness 🌹

Love you dear Grandy friend 💜🦄 💑

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi🦄..

We did go on a fantasy get away tonight, but I think I lost the post... 😢😭...it took me over 2.5 hours...I think it was me...

Deebi, I feel really sad for you, because I know you don't want meds..Maybe just try them..if their not working then speak to Dr,. I'm concerned the 6-8 weeks they take to work..🌹...remember we're all here to get you past the first month and a half..

I hope you Have a good time tomorrow with your new Mental Health Group.. I think you said you know and like 3 from other group that makes it easier for you.. but I don't think you have problems with meeting new people....I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and willing you to be okay...

Love you Deebi💜...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌹Grandy..

Night all..xx 🤗🤗