Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

I’m very happy to hear you’re starting to go on more walks. How lovely of gentle Grandy to help you out with some exercises to manage the pain...

I admire your determination to give up smoking as I know it can’t be easy. I obviously don’t know from personal experience but I’ve heard how difficult it can be so I admire you that much more for it..

I suppose now you’re doing a lot of resting and recharging (and maybe some reflecting too)...the world will still be around when you’re ready to get back out there again 😉 All in good time...

Much love and super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi,

Im sorry I didn't say good night to you last night. Just having a really difficult time atm...to much going on...but I missed you so very much..

Im truely really sorry that your missing your love...It's so hard at times isn't it...

Deebi, I think depressed and quiet are about the same.

Honey, your trying to stop smoking and believe me it is hard but your a very strong willed person with beasty, I know you can do this....I'm holding your hand always sweetheart, In happy times but moreso in hard and emotional times....Talk to me if you need to at any time 24/7.. Love you very much and I don't want you to be hurting in any way.....

it's been over a week now for you..all the nicotine is out of your system now...the cravings are going down...I think it's the habit, that's hard to break, not the smokes as such, but the hand moments, the different way your breathing now.. Deep breathing honey.in..1-2-3-4-5.out..L-O-V-E-U .special friend.....

How are you doing, both physical and mental health Deebi, "Truth". Please, we are friends and I need to know.... I've brought you a special treat today...it's in my 💼 it's on the floor which has the refidgerators and freezers installed into them.......Now you know it's either cold out frozen...😁..could be a little of both...our imagination has no boundaries or limitations....

I hope you don't mind, my friend found a little kitten about two weeks that seems to have been abandoned, it's so cute, it's pure white with a little bit of orange around its ears and tail...although could be a feral kitten as we have a large amount of feral cats here, but Betty has lost her heart to it and is keeping it..I asked her what name she called it, she didn't have one.....We both loved the name Deebi...so now little Deebi is running amuck around her home with her little doggie.one of my puppies....if you don't want us to name her that we can change...

Anyhow, Sweet Deebi, I'll 🙊..I just wanted to let you you know that I care very much about you and get a little frightened when I don't hear from you....Reasons ...

I hope you have a good day Deebi, with some light shiny into you...no matter what your doing today or how your doing emotionally sweetheart, I have hold of your hands and a box of tissues handy...and of course my love and care for you is a constant....

Please be okay special friend....big comfy, Huggly huggle hugs...🤗🤗🤗💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼....xx🌹💜..

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Peppy Pepstar Peps etc..

☺As always lovely to see you and thanks for your support as always. Smoking apart from spending a lot of doona time it's been ok, gotta control the dam eating tho ugh. Oops.

Yeah lovey recharging reflecting true. Thanks that the world will still be there that's comforting.

Thanks for your friendship Peps, I am watching over my lovelies.

Don't like seeing you just meh. Don't think you're off the hook about liking yourself either lovely one 🤗☺☘

Take care sweet

[demonblaster]

Love and super 🤗 to you too sweety friend 😚

[demonblaster]

My darling Grandy

Hi sweety I miss you too but know early to mid week you have a lot on and often it's very taxing on you. I've also always got your hand and my wings around you, right here sweety even if silently. You're so loving and caring thank you for a beautiful friendship. Love you very much 🤗

Ok lovey truth I'm not down as such just not into anything particularly. Probs mania helping me do things b4. Had a surprise quicky visit from good friend & call from mh support bloke. Goin out tonight. Kinda have to.

It's ok sitting back, watching listening to my lovelies here and getting head straight. Lot of doona time, it's ok. Reading a fiction books good. Love you Grandy 🤗 😚 thank you for being so caring ☺

haha been thinking about a name for my widdle wee tinsy cutey kitten and loven Deebi btw how cute you are. Have you got a name for yours. I wondered about eternity but just thought destiny..yip yip.. now yours 💗💜

You never fail to put shiny light in my life beautiful lady, lol what's the surprise..c'mon tell your Deebi 😁 😆 ohh and my third pressy coming too..😀 you're magic

Are you ok floss, lot happening for you atm, sorry your brother isnt visiting but he will later I hope. When I venture back out into the world I'll cook up another storm, so glad you love cheese on toast 😊 marmite under it yum.

Thank you for calling in precious love. Love you long time 🤗💜💗🦄🕊💑👼🤝

☺12345 in out love u. Thank you that I can talk anytime, you too hun. And for your support with my darling, god I miss him, he was beautiful we really love eachother. Why do people have to leave Grandy! 😢

[Ggrand]

Oh lovely Deebi,

Im sorry my post doesnt sound right,

I didn't mean for you to reply to me. how bad am I ...I just meant I missed me talking to you...I usually talk to you before sleep it helps knowing that I talked to someone....my mind is all over the place...I'm really sorry if I made you feel obligated to answer me....😢...

I hope you enjoy tonight, I can feel your reluctance to go out...maybe help to lift you a little...I picked up a book at vinnies yesterday pumkin recipes...

I don't know Deebi....I'm truely really sorry for your hurting..💜🕊🌹....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Sweety you have no idea how much you mean to me and talking to you is an absolute pleasure I truly mean that and when I see a post from you I'm so happy please don't think you made me feel obliged never ever do you put pressure on beautiful gentle lady. Truth 💜

Adore you and our friendship 💜🕊💑👼💗

Yes was good tonight thanks. Glad I went.

Cool the recipe book, was thinking of you other day wgen I did more soup, have 2 more pumpkins to do. Yum soups nice and thick and skin on. Mince it all up.

Hope you're ok lovey and nice Betty's well she was sick. Here's a pweddy 🌹 for her. Oh oh got a pwezzy for Deebi 🎁 coming...no idea what yet 😆

Love you sweety lady 🤗😚

have lovely sleep 🦄

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi,

Thank you for saying what you did. I felt so bad thinking that I made you feel obligated..💜🌹..

I cannot think of a name right now for the other one of our exotic kitty..it has to be special..I love your name destiny..it's a beautiful name..

Betty is such a beautiful person..she will love the Rose 🌹, she is very gentle....She is okay now Deebi..

You're 3rd present isn't ready yet, I'm still making it but it won't be long....I've dug deep into my 💼 Into the fridge freezer floor, which also has a pop corn machine and fairy floss machine as well....and heaps more machines but my brain isn't working..😁..

I you were a good girl and are a healthy dinner, then for dessert while we sit and watch the stars, I have a very special treat for us...its comfort food....it's Chocolate chipped chocolate Ice cream two layered cake....the bottom layer just chocolate. Chip chocolate ice cream with some crushed pistachios nuts...one of my favourite nuts..the top layer, is real strawberry Icecream with big chunks of strawberries all way through it, with a layer of strawberry jelly for the iceing with real strawberries and melted chocolate swirled through it....oh yeah and sitting on top of it all is a delicate layer of fairy floss.....theirs plenty for us as well as our other lovlies if they feel like comfort food....I hope you all enjoy it....it took me all day slaving 😉 over my 💼 trying to imagine 🤔 my masterpiece, then getting up the ladder inside a tiny 💼 without it collapsing and melting..was very awkward, but I done it..🙄....

Deebi the receipt book dates is 1965, it's a paperback, I read through some recipes and i might try a pumpkin soup..when I'm feel like cooking again...but I might ask you for some advise..if that's okay...😚..

Thank you for being you Deebi...Love you a lot.. I just don't want to put any pressure on you, I know I reach out for you a lot because I feel safe listening to your words and I trust you and them.....

Good Night special Lady..I really hope you sleep good tonight and wake tomorrow refreshed and with some happies...

L💓Ve Y💜u sweet Deebi...🕊

Love and hugs to all readers and posters. You are all amazing people......💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

You are an incredible person, so so easy to love 🤗

Thank you ohhhh ohhhh that cake and how on earth did you balance on the way up, I would've used the lift...uh oh.. I didn't mention...ohhh...oops 😶

It's absolutely beautiful thank you for your effort and trouble yummmm. You're a cracker Grandy come ere 🤗😚

No way lovey I love you being here and so caring you never make me feel obliged.

Ahh Betty sounds like a really lovely lady. Like you ☺

Pistachios are lovely aren't they and the flavour on the shells mmm. Cashews yum as well and Macadamias esp roasted.

Be my pleasure to help you with soup, wow '65 sounds like it'd be a score. Good catch. Gotta cook another pumpkin it's rotting in a little area.

Destiny.. nice isnt it. We were destined to meet. I lean on you a lot I know. My pillar 🙂 you make a difference Grandy.

L 💗 V ⚘ E ... Y 💜 U precious lady. Thank you for being so kind.

Everyone you're beautiful good people with huge hearts 💗🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I’m glad things are going okay with quitting smoking. Well done 🙂

I have heard sometimes people’s appetite increases when they stop smoking...I wonder if chewing gum would help a little.

You’re lovely to watch over us 🙂 We are very blessed. I’m just in my “over it” state at the moment. Lol.

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo