Struggling to go on

Tess2 · ‎23-04-2018

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

stormcloudz · ‎06-05-2018

Hi Tess

Just thinking of you today and sending you some encouragement.

PS randomx - good story!

Tess2 · ‎06-05-2018

Thank you. I have not had a good day. I cant get out if bed and do the simple things that need doing. To know that you thought of me is encouraging. I feel so down and low.

stormcloudz · ‎07-05-2018

Hi Tess

I think I just submitted a half-written post with my butter fingers, so I'm not sure what will appear. I'll re-write just in case...

I think many people on this forum can tell you of days where they did not manage to get out of bed. Don't be too hard on yourself for this. It's part and parcel of the depression. It is hard to get the energy together when you are down and low. I know that you are trying to push through, and I really honour that.

Is there anything that provides a little comfort to you? I used a safety plan to help me remember what to do when things were low (as generally then I couldn't remember how to help myself, and just had to trust the plan).

And just in case - remember the ambulance is there if it all gets too much.

We are here for you and understand your struggle, and the ups and downs. There is hope for you, although I know sometimes it is hard to see. I do think that things will improve for you once the stress of the house lifts.

Extending a warm hand of friendship and understanding out to you...

Tess2 · ‎08-05-2018

Your ongoing support means a lot thank you

yesterday was a bit better for me and i even went out. I had to get more coffee! Today i am struggling to get going, there seems so much to get done and the home opens seem endless. I see no light at the end of this and i am lonely. I have been on my own for a long time, but never felt so lonely before. It is very isolating. I have a safety plan but it is just a plan, I dont think that i will do anything drastic, but that is also part of what i struggle with. I feel i am stuck in this terrible feeling and place.

stormcloudz · ‎08-05-2018

Tess

I'm glad yesterday was a bit easier and you managed to get out. The occasional "better" day helps, I find. And coffee is important : )

I think once the endless house inspections are over, you'll start having more "better days". Selling a house is a big stress, and usually has a lot of emotions attached, it's completely understandable to me that everything is feeling overwhelming right now. I thought of you when I did the housework the other day - it never ends, and I don't have to keep the place spotless!

Do you have a GP or psychologist or any other support? I have a good GP, which has been a godsend. I was a bit stuck too, and she helped me sort things out a bit - it surprised me actually as I hadn't realized that some GPs have a clue about mental health. I know you have already been down that path previously, is there someone there for you now?

I really feel for you in your hard time, and will send you all my best wishes, and hope that you have a few peaceful moments today.

stormcloudz · ‎09-05-2018

Hi Tess, just dropping you a note to say hello and keep you company. How was today?

Tess2 · ‎10-05-2018

Thank you. Yesterday was ok , but today i feel really bad again. Inhad a home open yesterday evening and it is not getting much interest and this is worrying me a lot. I need to feel settled and juat dont see a future for me. It is all getting too much for me. Thank you for thinking of me

Tess2 · ‎11-05-2018

I hate feeling this self absorbed, that is how it seems. I cant seem to live outside the thoughts in my head, I cant see a better future. I just do not want to go on living this way. I feel alone.

Guest_1584 · ‎11-05-2018

l'm sorry it's how it is right now with things. day ata time is the only way.

lf it's any consolation , that house l was selling was our house, we only bought it 19mths, and there is sooooo much more to just that part alone. ex w and l butttt, she decided to destroy our family and l was dealing with all that alone too.ex disowned it all. And there wasn't even gonna be any money anyway.

the party l mentioned was nothing believe me, just a couple of local guys from down the road l had nothing in common with and hardly knew but they wanted to have a drink. l think it was just for me because l was such a mess.

so it was like you ,THE lowest and ugliest point. Butttt . got through somehow , felt just like you are. l dunno how.

l wish l had some words of wisdom for you but the day ata time , minute ata time often, is about all that got me through it. Try not to daunt yourself right now with thoughts about when and wheres and what next and bla bla's. just do what you need too. and it doesn't matter if not many showed that means nothing . l didn't get many , not real ones just kickers.Thought l was gonna leave in debt and have to drop price. well l was gonna leave in debt but not for the house at lease f got the price.

l only had that one offer in 5mths but thankfully it went through.

Hang in there and look after yourself eh.

rx

smallwolf · ‎12-05-2018

Tess,

Hang in there. I have reread your story and appreciate this is an extremely stressful situation for you. And I also saw your scepticism towards medical stuff.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you go with any of the suggestions put forward? Most of the ideas were aimed at helping you to get back into the present moment and away from the thoughts in your head. And sometimes they won't work straight away, and you have to practice. That is ok. I found that I had to give something a go before I could say whether it worked or not.

Stormcloudz, noticed your suggestion re coffee. Just don't drink too much. My psychiatrist told me not to have coffee after 4pm. While I did not believe her I did as I was told and it helped reduce my anxiety and reflux problems. Obviously they both exist still but not at the same level.

I have one more idea. Do you write in a journal? Put those thoughts in your head onto paper. I find that rather than having those thoughts going around my head like a mouse on a treadmill is to write it down. Sort of like a filing cabinet. It is still there, but somewhere else and not consuming your mind.

Please keep your safety plan close. Please keep your list of reasons to continue close also. I hope you have a better weekend. And if you want to chat.... Or better yet, what types of sports, music, books, food do you like?