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Sadness,grief and regret over sons incarceration

July
Community Member

Hi, I am new to this but  need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of  a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole experience has devastated me , sitting through the trial I cried the whole two days everyone was looking at me  obviously knowing I was the mother ,then his sentencing was a day I shall never forget I had to write a letter to the judge about my son, about his drug use, about his father not being in his life since we divorced and his downfall, I also wrote about  how I loved him would stand by him, I'm sorry I failed him  and he turned to drugs too take away his pain, but underneath all that was a wonderful creative boy who just took a wrong turn, the judge  starting reading my letter word for word out to the court room, I looked at my beautiful boy and there were tears running down his face, I think he finally realised what he has done not only to himself but to me as his mother, that image is burned into my memory ,for once in my life I could not protect my child and it killed me, his sentence was given and they took him away, he will be released about september. I cannot tell  anyone and the stress is unbearable,I have to lie to people to excuse his absence , he is clean and sober now and has turned this life around he is doing all the courses to correct his life while in prison and is deeply regretful of his choices, I do not excuse his behaviour  but I am his mother and I have to stand by him, I look at all the other families visiting in prison and it is so sad it affects the whole family. This is the first time I have said this out aloud it is so hard to live with this "secret",I just don't know how to live with this.

570 Replies 570

JoeDee
Community Member

Hi All

 

It's been some time, but my son has truly made a remarkable transformation. He underwent counseling, both professional and personal, which I supported financially. It appears that he has gained clarity and is determined not to regress into old habits. There's a glimmer of hope ahead. However, he acknowledges that not everyone shares his mindset and some may falter and find themselves back in the system. So, while I remain optimistic, individual effort plays a crucial role.

 

I'm pleased to note the positive changes he's embraced: his faith, his inclination towards organisation due to OCD tendencies, and his newfound respect for us, his parents. He aspires to secure employment and build a future for himself. He regularly reaches out and expresses gratitude for the financial support I provide every two weeks.