Dear Missmara~
I've read your other threads, and can understand what you've had to deal with -well ok, not exactly, but close enough I guess.
This place is full of people who genuinely want to help others because they have been in dark places. I'm one of them. None have full answers to the things you face. Some may have part of them, I don't know.
You are right, opening up can come back to bite you and make you feel worse. Many say in controlled conditions it has in the long term been the path to getting better. I'm not sure all say that.
Some say meds have helped a little - or a lot. For some meds were a negative. Some insist the diagnosis must be correct, others that 'what works' is what's needed.
I'm not cured (PTSD, depression, chronic anxiety) but I am in a good place, have been for ages.
So what am I saying having basically agreed with you on so many points ?
You said 'never'. Try to remember it only has to click once where help is concerned. Even a near miss can point towards something better. It did for me.
Patience when hurting so bad, having tried already, is a big ask. Help yourself where you can. I write silly stories to help cope, do other things you already know about such as the amount of exercise I can.
That does not mean I'm suggesting giving up on medical help, it means maybe you can lighten your load a little sometimes.
From your posts I see intelligence, an ability to state matters clearly, some resourcefulness. Do you have a creative side you can harness? You'd be in good company.
Croix ( Who has a picture of van Gogh wearing a bandage over his ear )
