"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[gld]

Hi Moonstruck,

Just had this experience yesterday with a simple question at work, "I have been looking for you everywhere and i could not find you". Well i blew it out of the water the unhelpful thoughts, "They think i am not working, They think i am lazy and hiding from work", then an unhelpful action talked about how someone was thinking this about me to another [not a good move].

Lately i have been working on questioning the thought before an action happens. For example - How true is this thought which could of prevented me from having this unhelpful action. Sometimes i confront the person which is ok but sometimes it triggers another unhelpful thought as i am often on a roll at the time.

Generally it happens when i am worried, tired or feeling a little off. Being kind to yourself getting plenty of rest, keeping healthy and realising there are out things out of my control is a good starting point for me. It is so true that we all have these thoughts racing through our mind constantly and they need to be questioned from time to time as our mind is a vast place that loses itself in is own chitter chatter.

Be kind to yourself to take time to breath so you are able to gather your thoughts that are helpful.

Gen

PS Work in progress for me keeping my thoughts helpful.

[Moonstruck]

Thank you so much to you all - I did not expect so many responses and understanding....you have all been helpful and supportive. I guess I did not realise how many people have been through the same thing!

Last night I actually began to regret posting in the first place, wondering if you would all think I am truly psychotic, hearing voices or imagining the man next door plotting to kill me or something - nothing so drastic I assure you...but to know I am not alone with this problem, and you cared enough to reply is reassuring.

Shelley - you asked if I could contact again, the person who unwittingly set off my string of horrible imaginings - that's what I would normally do probably, as I am a very good communicator and word person - but, here's the problem -

She's not a personal friend - and very recently had heart bypass surgery! So she's in recovery and rehab for that, and of course I can't go ringing and bothering someone in those circumstances, can I? Particularly over something that could be just an anxiety over-reaction on my part! She is also quite elderly, as is her husband (who is a nice person) but she'll think it odd if I ask to speak to him instead...when she answers the phone as she always does!

I don't know any mutual friends I can call either, to clarify something about our last phone call I need to check for my peace of mind - no-one! She made it clear she is not up to visitors just now which is understandable.

the only reason I keep in contact with this lady is that a few years back I re-homed my beloved pet, who means such a lot to my family (my son's childhood best friend) at her place and go to visit him every few months. Now I can't. I am afraid if I annoy her too much, she will stop me from visiting him at all - this will kill me.

I am worried sick she can no longer look after all the animals, that he has been re-located, that he is suffering in this extreme heatwave, that he is sick, died, ignored, not being cared for properly...the list goes on and on - the fact I cannot check for myself and pay a visit, or have her reassure me he is OK is unbearable.

It is on my mind 24/7 - I promised my son I would always make sure he was cared for. I feel between a rock and a hard place....powerless.

[Croix]

Dear Moonstruck~

First off please don't regret posting, that's why we are all here (you included) , and as you can see many are just like you. Asking is fine and sensible.

Secondly if the lady had medical problems there is nothing wrong with you asking after her health - a natural concerned thing to do, and during the conversation inquire about the pet.

This may re-assure you without stepping outside the bounds of normal courtesy & interaction.

This is the way I'd go - would the above approach help?

Croix

[1113]

Peaceful hello moonstruck,

Your explanation seems perfectly rational to me.

Acceptance is what you just did. Congrats.

Some further discussion will sort it straight for you.

This me existing the convo....soz, I think you got it covered and I have no real experience to help any further. People confuse the hell out of me. Lam (laughing at myself).

Peace

Matt.

[Moonstruck]

That's the approach I tried this time Croix...I had rung her before Christmas to wish her Seasons Greetings etc and she seemed her normal self, despite having just had the surgery.

I expressed concern of course, as you do and she said then the pet was fine, how many visitors were coming for lunch etc. I said I'd ring after Christmas and try and make a day to visit.....when I rang a few days ago her mood seemed totally different, (this is where my imaginative over thinking takes hold) saying it wasn't a good time, she's still recovering and would be for 8 weeks.

No reassurance the pet was OK as she usually does, made me feel a nuisance for bothering her. So I sort of said I'd ring another time in the future, wished her all the best, said to call if she needed anything or if the pet became too much for her etc (what else could I say?).

It's since then I have been imagining the worst possible scenario, heat stress, already moved him somewhere else, or he's sick (or worse) and she doesn't know how to tell me, wondering how I'll find him if he's moved - I am terrified of offending her or falling out in any way as she might not ever let me visit him again at all!

All I can do is wait about a month and try to pluck up courage to call again....I'll be a bundle of anxiety when I do - the waiting is killing me.

[Croix]

Dear Moonstruck~

I know exactly where you are at, a I mentioned:

however the clock of time passing to reach that end ticks so slowly - I have to endure

That's why I try to distract myself - I'm getting reasonable good at it - well mostly anyway - sometimes?

The fact that you said to call if there was pet problem is good in that she probably would - and frustrating because it puts the onus on her to ring.

From outside looking in I really think things are ok and she's just getting over her op, she would have taken the opportunity to tell you when you last rang if things were not right. Having a slightly different attitude is most likely caused by something outside the conversation

(If you'll forgive a lighthearted example - maybe she just found another woman's attire in her husband's bedroom and was just about to give him a piece of her mind when you rang - who could say)

I've often thought it's ironical, the thing I'm currently worrying about may have been resolved one way other the other already, but I'm condemned to go on feeling that worry until the opportunity for me to find out what happened presents itself.

You are lovely caring sensitive person, but even 'LCSP's have their limits in what they can do, on behalf of pets - or people either I guess.

I feel for you, I know what you are going through

Croix (who hopes you get a smile from his lighthearted example)

[Moonstruck]

Dear Croix

I can't believe you are being so kind and good to me. I was about to put a second post following my last one, telling you all to excuse my rambling on about what must be a trivial thing...it sounds so silly when there are such "big things" going on in the world and for everyone on Forum.

Worried about a pet - big deal! I was imagining (there I go again) how foolish you must all think me for making such a "mountain out of a molehill". And then this lovely caring message from you...thank you.

Yes perhaps next time I should put on my sexiest telephone voice (and I do have one) and purr "Can I speak to Fred please?"

I like the bit about the clock ticking slowly to reach that end....the end always comes doesn't it? I recall a line from My best Friend's Wedding with Julia Roberts.....a hotel porter finds her sitting dejected and worried in the corridor late one night.....he says "There's something my old grandma used to say..."This too, shall pass"

I hope he was right........take care Croix.

[Doolhof]

Hi Moon and All,

I've not read all that has been written here, just sort of skimmed through. Moon, at the moment I am doing some work on Unhelpful Thoughts, Beliefs and Expectations. It is helping me immensely and is also a huge slap in the face at times.

It amazes me how much my mind can race away from me. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, so apparently that part of my brain wants to tell me everything relating to people is a total disaster, that every one hates me and fills me with insecurity relating to people as well.

My husband running 10 minutes late coming home turns into :He has had an accident, he is in hospital, he has run away with another woman, or maybe a man, he hasn't even bothered to call me, he doesn't care, maybe I need to pack my bags and leave...etc etc.

Then I look at the clock and realise I am an hour out! He is not expected home for another 50 minutes!

Yes, some things are certainly worth the worry and anxiety. When you learnt o shut down those thoughts, let me know! Ha. Ha.

Hoping you find a way to ensure the pet is okay.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[blondguy]

No worries Moon 🙂

Your thread is an important and valid one.

Its always important for people to know that this 'over-sensitised' state of mind can be helped by regular therapy

Great thread Moon!

my kindest

Paul

[Out_the_window]

Hi.to all on this post.id like to contribute .try and imagine that the voices are alternate versions you you. Some of you are angry little things that want to cause problems.some are insecure littler you people who want reasuring and attention.other forms of you are pestering.doubtful and want to mess you around.in a personality when growing up we have so many possible versions of us.to choose which one we want to be.grow into.with the guidance of parents and teachers. With voices.i feel its like we still havnt told the rest of the gang.versions of us to ping off.and just choose the "us" we feel comfortable being. APROACH YOUR DEMONS AND PUT THEM TO REST. all the best. Wayne. Ive been there.